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Stupid Football Commentators

Here are some of the foolish things that various football commentators have uttered, and later wished they hadn't.....

  • "The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day." (CHRIS JONES, Evening Standard)

  • "What will you do when you leave football, Jack? Will you stay in football?" (STUART HALL, Radio 5 Live)

  • "Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot." (RAY WILKINS, speaking on BBC1)

  • "I've got a gut feeling in my stomach..." (ALAN SUGAR, speaking on BBC1)

  • "I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better." (RON AKTINSON in a TV interview)

  • "Johnson has revelled in the 'hole' behind Dwight Yorke..." (Carling FA Premiership WWW Page)

  • "An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal." (DAVE BASSETT, speaking on Sky Sports)

  • "Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals." (PETER WITHE, speaking on Radio 5 Live)

  • "You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals." (ALAN GREEN, speaking on Radio 5 Live)

  • "What's it like being in Bethlehem, the place where Christmas began? I suppose it's like seeing Ian Wright at Arsenal...." (SIMON FANSHAWE, speaking on Talk Radio)

  • "And we all know that in football if you stand still you go backwards..." (PETER REID, Tyne Tees Sport Special)

  • "I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..." (ANDY GRAY, Sky Sports)

  • "The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes." (STEVE COPPELL, Radio 5 Live)

  • "They [Rosenborg] have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them." (BRIAN MOORE, ITV)

  • "If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen." (TERRY VENABLES, Capital Gold)

  • "The lads really ran their socks into the ground." (ALEX FERGUSON)

  • "He [Brian Laudrup] wasn't just facing one defender-he was facing one at the front and one at the back as well." (TREVOR STEVEN, STV)

  • "It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday." (Radio 5 Live)

  • "...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals." (TONY GUBBA, BBC Match of the Day)

  • "...an excellent player, but he [Ian Wright] does have a black side." (GARY LINEKER, BBC)

  • "We say 'educated left foot'... of course, there are many players with educated right foots." (RON JONES, Radio 5 Live)

  • "That's twice now he [Terry Phelan] has got between himself and the goal." (BRIAN MARWOOD, Radio 5 Live)

  • "Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him..." (KEVIN KEEGAN)

  • "Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money." (NEWCASTLE UNITED FAN, Radio 5 Live)

  • Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice." (KEVIN KEEGAN, Radio 5 Live)

  • "We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps." (BRUCE RIOCH, ITV)

  • "And I suppose they [Spurs] are nearer to being out of the FA Cup now than any other time since the first half of this season, when they weren't ever in it anyway." (JOHN MOTSON, BBC)

  • "... and he crosses the line with the ball almost mesmerically tied to his foot with a ball of string..." (IAN DARKE, Radio 5)

  • "I never make predictions and I never will." (PAUL GASCOIGNE)

  • "And there's Ray Clemence looking as cool as ever out in the cold." (JIMMY HILL)

  • "....and the news from Guadalajara where the temperature is 96 degrees, is that Falcao is warming up." (BRIAN MOORE )

  • "If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again." (TERRY VENABLES)

  • "I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it." (ALAN BALL )

  • "The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee." (MIKE INGHAM)

  • "I think that was a moment of cool panic there." (RON ATKINSON)

  • "Beckenbauer really has gambled all his eggs." (RON ATKINSON)

  • "Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve." (JOHN GREIG)

  • "I spent four indifferent years at Goodison Park, but they were great years." (MARTIN HODGE)

  • "Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both feet." (JAMES SANDERSON)

  • "They have missed so many chances they must be wringing their heads in shame." (RON GREENWOOD)

  • "It's headed away by John Clark, using his head." (DEREK RAE)

  • "Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side." (MIKE INGHAM)

  • "He's very fast and if he gets a yard ahead of himself nobody will catch him." (BOBBY ROBSON)

  • "The shot from Laws was precise but wide." (ALAN PARRY)

  • "The game is balanced in Arsenal's favour." (JOHN MOTSON)

  • "Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different." (TREVOR BROOKING)

  • "Many clubs have a question mark in the shape of an axe-head hanging over them." (MALCOLM McDONALD)

  • "Tottenham have impressed me. They haven't thrown in the towel even though they have been under the gun." (BOBBY CHARLTON)

  • You have got to miss them to score sometimes." (DAVE BASSETT)

  • "Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead." (TOM FERRIE)

  • "A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave." (JOHN HOLLINS)

  • "And I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley… unless somebody knocks us out." (DAVE BASSETT)

  • "It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road." (ALAN GREEN)

  • "And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds." (PETER JONES)

  • "Bobby Robson must be thinking of throwing some fresh legs on." (KEVIN KEEGAN)

  • "What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal." (JIMMY HILL)

  • "Celtic were at one time nine points ahead, but somewhere along the road, their ship went off the rails." (RICHARD PARK)

  • "That's football, Mike, Northern Ireland have had several chances and haven't scored but England have had no chances and scored twice." (TREVOR BROOKING)

  • "...and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record." (SPORTS ROUNDUP)

  • "In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale." (JOHN LYALL)

  • "In comparison, there's no comparison." (RON GREENWOOD)

  • "I would also think that the action replay showed it to be worse than it actually was." (RON ATKINSON)

  • "Mirandinha will have more shots this afternoon than both sides put together." (MALCOLM McDONALD)

  • "Newcastle, of course, unbeaten in their last five wins." (BRIAN MOORE)

  • "Football's not like an electric light. You can't just flick the switch and change from quick to slow." (JOHN GREIG)

  • "Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me." (TERRY VENABLES)

  • "I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way." (RON ATKINSON)

  • "And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0." (IAN DARK)

  • "They have got their feet on the ground and if they stay that way they will go places." (JOHN GIDMAN)

  • "Being naturally right-footed he doesn't often chance his arm with his left foot." (TREVOR BROOKING)

  • "Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." (DAVID ACFIELD)

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