Woman - A Chemical Hazard

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Discovered : Adam. Datum undetermined
Atomic Mass : Accepted as 7 stones but known to vary from 5 to 25
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas

Physical Properties
1. Surfaces usually covered with painted film
2. Boils at nothing. Freezes without reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore

Chemical Properties
1. Has a great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increase by saturation in alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common Uses
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation

Tests
1. Pure specimen turns pink when discovered in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Hazards
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although desirable

In summary, women are a dangerous substance and should be handled with care.

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