My Mini Rants - The start of a web site. Let me give you some history....don't worry, it will be mildly interesting!
In the year 2001, there sat a boy, he had his glasses on and he was idly looking around the room. The room was small and very cold and on the table in fornt of him, there sat an exam paper, one so hard it was almost incomprehensible. The boy looked around the room again, asked the teacher for some paper and started to scribble... It was the beginning of a glorious web site and two days later, after he had been notified of his 16% in that fateful AS Maths exam, he proceeded to write up his mini rants....that boy was me, and here are my rants.....

1a. Depressive People - Oh, no, wait...I'm one of those. Just something to bear in mind when reading the next few articles. By the way, I like physics...something else to bare in mind when you think things don't make sense, trust me, they do. In my mind, anyway, and that's what my other minds say to me.

1. Why Panda's Deserve to DIE - Ah, no wait, I'm not just being heartlessly cruel to kick things off, I actually think they deserve to die, they've earned it. Earned it in the stupidity stakes anyway. For example, let's look at what panda's normally eat...Bamboo, right? Bamboo, that elusive plant that has to have just the right conditions to grow and is renowned for suddenly dying out, to have bamboo as your staple diet is a BIG mistake. Number two...Sex. How often do you think panda's actually have sex? The answer: hardly ever, the panda is one of the pickiest damn animals in the bloody world, more than us even; they can go through 1000 possible mates before finally settling on one. Die, die, die, you stupid animals.

2. Why charities are actually killing those starving Africans, Asians, Peruvians, oh you get the idea - Well, this is logic at its insane best, I have to admit, I thought of this while sitting after a maths exam (which I got 16% in) waiting for the time to run out. You see, hundreds of years ago, there were still people in Africa, Asia, Peru etc. and what did those people do when there was a drought, or no food left? They got up and left. They said, "Bugger that" and went on to greener pastures elsewhere. Admittedly, modern politics tends to put a hamper on those types of antics, but if the charities stopped giving them crap handouts as an incentive to stay where they were, then they wouldn't be dying of starvation would they? NO. They could at least die, trying to get somewhere, whilst trekking through the desert or something, but you can bet a helicopter from some messed up western countries would come along and rescue the poor bastards. Sick, these charities make me sick.

3. "Friends" - Oooh, a touchy subject and I could risk offending a few people out there. Oh well, as if I care. Notice that I put friends in quotation marks because friends, in my opinion aren't friends, the word friend is a pseudonym for people you associate with. No, I'm not being cynical here; can you seriously mention someone you call a friend that HASN'T done something to a) upset you b) piss you off c) embarrass you deeply. I expect your answer is no. SURPRISE, I suppose it depends on your definition of a friend but I doubt, based on those criteria, and the fact that you should be able to tell a friend anything that you have any friends.

4. True Love - Erm, nope. This doesn't exist either, you'll never find anyone you ever truly love in a sense that he/she is your perfect partner. It's merely a hallucination caused by the release of dopamine into the bloodstream over an extended period of time. Are you thoroughly cheery at the moment?

5. The Human Nature to repeat blatantly obvious things - It's interesting isn't it? You may not have noticed it much, I notice every time I speak to my mother; she doesn't bloody shut up. People tend to do it as well, for example, everyone in the room has turned blue, everyone's shivering and teeth are chattering, and yet, people insist on saying "It's cold, it's so cold." followed by (a few seconds later) "It's cold, are you cold? I'm freezing." Now, if this doesn't get on your nerves, you probably have a tolerance level higher than a dead person (who probably still turn in their graves after they've heard "It's cold" a million times).

6. Why Religion Sucks - Brief this, very brief, I can't be bothered to properly rant on this, I'd be going for too long: Did you realise that at the times every known religious text was created, the people still thought the world was flat, and the sun revolved around the earth. They probably thought the sun was only the size of a football as well, seeing as they wouldn't really now that it was a few million miles away.

7. What is it with Animals? - Why are animals seen as cute and friendly to so many people? Does no one realise that these wonderful animals are natural predators, most of whom would happily rip your eyes out if they had the chance. The only animal I find acceptable as proper pets are cats, simply because they're independent enough to know when to bugger off and probably wouldn't rip your eyes out because they like their food being provided for them.

8. Relationships - Oh. great Oracle that wrote this page, why are relationships on here? Have you ever noticed that they invariably cause problems, friction and tension? There's always a feeling that relationships will screw things up. For example, in school, a potential rejection could destroy any friendship you had with your prospective partner and cause serious tension in a small class. At college, again, what if you have to work with someone your not exactly on good terms with after a bad incident...tough. At work, again, relationships in the office would cause extreme tension, especially as these are much more likely to become sexual relationships much more quickly. N.B. I left out university for a reason, 1. No bad points, and 2. No bad points. Amendment: I have realised that these are inevitable and have studied it a bit more closely, I now believe there to be three types of relationships a) One's where you turn gay afterwards b) One's where you turn celibate afterwards (just remember that that's a lot of lonely nights on your own) c) One's where you ask out everybody you meet afterwards, in an attempt to try and find Mr or Mrs Perfect. N.B. There is no Mr or Mrs Perfect.

9. People with big Ego's - Who the hell told these people that they were the best, at everything. Why do these people need to flaunt the fact that they quite obviously have schizophrenia (who else told them they were the best at everything). There you go...Die, die, die, Egomaniacs.

10. Stupid people - Stupid people piss me off no end, don't get me wrong, I'm quite diplomatic about it, I'll just mutter it under my breath. I can't stand people that constantly stop me talking to ask what a word I said meant, or people that just lose the plot of a conversation within 20 seconds of them initiating it. 20/04/01 - Amendment - I HATE stupid people, I detest the ground they walk on, which unfortunately, is most of the planet, as a result, I am going to build a space craft and go to Pluto, where it is quieter and without stupid people. Have you heard "the power of the stupid people"; popular saying, however, what it really means, is that a bunch of stupid people are in control...you should be scared. What further evidence do you need for this, when you can turn to our american "friends" and see the power of the people in action.....look at there President, could anyone ask for a clever person to be voted in??? What ere those retards thinking when they voted for him??

11. People who think clever people are weird - See Previous

12. Technophobes - Erm, let's examine the year shall we...2001, so what's the problem with using a computer....they've only been around for the last forty years, anyone under the age of twenty who has trouble using computers/VCR's/anything electrical should really re-examine their lives, oh and by the way, any man who isn't interested in computers/computer games/the latest gadgets/mobile phones, is a freak.

13. Sexism - Right, well, this initially started off as a frustrated rant against all feeble women kind....now the tables have turned, I intend to make this rant all about sexist men. I was recently handed an article entitled "Women" by SD. Now, as much as I would have loved to type up a really good, brainy, satirical article I was unable to, because I was handed utter crap. C R A P. It was filled with a lot of stereotyping and 'this is what happened to me'. According to this article women 'just want to see you suffer' and they are all 'two faced'! Actually you know what? He's right, a change of heart and a clarity that has suddenly hit me like a window cleaner hits a grimy window, has made me change my mind. Although his article was lacking in any style, essentially he's right, most women are...not all, I accept that, and so does he, but the point is, most women are devious, manipulative, scheming, and frankly you can never tell what they're really thinking. [There is some sense in that though, it can be a serious mistake to tell people you detest the ground they walk on.]

14. Birthdays - Please don't misunderstand me, everyone appreciates the fact that people recognise your birthday, it somehow removes the barriers of loneliness. But have you ever stopped to think why you have birthdays? To celebrate the day of your birth, and as such, what do you get? At 12, you can legally own a shotgun, at 16 you can buy a lottery ticket, smoke and have sex (that's if you aren't already doing those anyway), and at 18 you can drive, buy alcohol, and get kicked out of home. So, over all, you get sweet FA. Why don' they leave all these shit privileges for one Birthday? Then it won't seem so shit when it is your birthday, and you realise that you already do half the things you are now legally entitled to. Instead, on one birthday (16 or 18) you can get all these privileges and actually feel good about it. Oh, and why do people, who evidently don't give a shit say, 'Happy Birthday'?

15. Sport - It's "A plague on both your houses"! My (non-existent) god, why are people so obsessed with the whole waste of time? On the plus side, sport such as football, rugby and hockey, help keep you fit and can help you let out some pent up aggression. However, notice I said 'keep', let's face it, if your not fit when you're young...your never going to be..so don't bother is my advice. Also, remember that the other people are also taking out their aggression, and they think it's hilarious to tackle you two footed and watch as your ankle snaps in half. Also, what are you actually getting out of it? Do you feel that good when you win 2-1 and then realise, you have cuts, bruises, and have exerted more energy than you will for the rest of the week, and have absolutely nothing to show for it? Just remember that, the next time you even think about running...are you getting anywhere faster? [The answer's no, your just chasing a ball...I know that some sports people are stupid (games teachers)] Not to drift too much, but, two days after publishing this rant, guess what?? I was asked to be on the football team...that's so ironic it goes off the scale, so far off the scale, that I didn't laugh...guess why?.