OMRLP proposals for the next (2006 or sooner) MANIFESTO
Please note that anyone is welcome to put forward proposals for consideration. If you have a proposal email Mr R.U.Seerius at
aravingloony@btinternet.com

(Please note I don't make them up (well some I do) .......I wasnt there.....Its nufink to do with me........I just forward them to you......... I am not to blame.....Its not my fault.......I disassociate myself from anything below that may make any sense..R.U )

  1. NHS Dentistry.
    All newly trained Dentists will be require to have three teeth removed, 2 fillings and root canal work done without anesthetic. Then they will know the agony they inflict on the rest of us.

  2. Proposal for the Loony Party to Completely Overhaul UK Democratic System.

    “Mother of all Parliaments to undergo mother of all changes”

    Now that it has become intuitively obvious to the most casual observer just how dangerous it is to have a Government consisting of Elected Members, when the OMLP comes to power we will immediately abolish the present Parliamentary two and a half party system in favour of a wholly new House comprising a-political Druids. Their task will be to evaluate the country’s day-to-day needs, list possible solutions and courses of action and place them before the electorate in the form of Daily Referendums to be displayed on the screens of every bank auto teller machine nayionwide.

    a.         Every member of the electorate will have their voting rights linked to their credit, debit and frequent shopper loyalty cards and, when paying for any retail item, will be asked to vote on the day’s referendum topic before being allowed to sign for their purchases. This will herald a world-first all-inclusive democracy where Joe & Josephine Citizen will play an active political role every day of every year, rather than the present situation where he or she only participates for one day every five years. It will also introduce the first democratic system that includes air-miles within the concept of universal suffrage.

    b.                  Following our success at getting the ruling parties to adopt the pet passport system (as advocated by the OMLP for over two decades. Yes, really. That was us.) our sweeping constitutional changes will also mean Votes for Pets.  With a nationwide network of Pet Breeders and Exporters, sales of Pet Food and Pet related Supplies now contributing to over 4% of GDP, Parrots, Dogs, Cats, Guinea Pigs, Rabbits, Goldfish and Budgies represent the most significant of all minority groups who, to date, have had no political voice, bark, meeow, squeak, snuffle or bubble under any administration in history, despite the number of Citizen Spaniels and Citizen Labradors (German Shepherds vetoed under this Bill) currently working in our armed forces, customs service and police. We say “If Citizens of  Fluff, Feathers or Scales (Companion Citizens) can get passports can we now deny them the Vote?” 

    c.         The basis of this will be laid out in our Companion Citizen’s Voting Proxy Bill to be tabled immediately after the next General Election but will mean, in essence, that Pet Owners will be required to consider the needs of Citizen Companions when casting votes in the Daily Referendums and add to their own vote-mandate by means of the following scale:

    1.   Dogs, cats and really big rabbits:                       ½  Vote

    2.   Parrots, Koi, Smaller Rabbits, Guinea Pigs:       ¼ Vote

    3.   Goldfish, Hamsters, Budgies, Newts                 1/6th  Vote

    4.   Flea Circuses and Ant Farms:               Disallowed

    5.   Royal Corgis:                                        Constitutionally Vetoed

    Summary:We believe this will swell the electorate to over 120 million voters and truly represent all the population and all its views across the broadest range in history. Consider the narrow view represented by the recent Labour “Hunting with Dogs” Bill. Were the dogs even consulted? Draw your own conclusions why Blair and his cronies turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to these potentially explosive minority views! (For minimum wage requirements for Citizen Companions kindly refer to Our Shadow Chancellor’s  Budgie Budget proposals)

  3. Interesting News:
    Every day the news should tell people an interesting fact in a hope to increase people's knowledge.
  4. A Warm solution:
    It is proposed that all pavements are heated so it is possible to walk bare foot in the winter, this would also serve another purpose by making the pavements warm no ice would form on them thereby reducing the risk of injury for everyone.

  5. A Lions share:
    It is proposed that we change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers. How often do you see lions running round the countryside, we should be proud of the lack of wild and interesting species on our fair isle.

  6. Olimpic event:
    'Following the Leader' is a pastime that has been cast aside by society today and think it should become an extreme event in the Olimpicks. (We are keeping this one hidden from Tony Blair as he may make it law)

  7. Political correctness
    The Isle of Wight should be changed to: "The Isle of Mixed Races, and Cultures Located off the Coast of Britain."

  8. Animal fashions
    It is proposed that :Pets, especially cats and dogs, may not be dressed in miniature human clothing for the purpose of human amusement, unless the animal in question can equip the clothing himself/herself. Punishable by dressing the owner of the animal in miniature human clothing.

  9. Edukayshun
    GCSE English exams be given a more straight-forward layout, with lots of
    short questions like the Maths papers have.

  10. Education (Skool acktiviteas)
    Homework should be banned as it is bad enough for kids having to go to school let
    alone bring it home with them

  • Bright Skoolkids
     Bright pupils will be provided with dimmer switches to prevent them distracting the rest of the class.

  • Skool Dinners r hot?
    School dinners must be regularly checked for radioactivity.

  • P.E.lessons
    We should teach proper sports in P.E. e.g. Fishing, Fencing,
    and how to let the head teacher's car tyres down without getting caught.

  • Education
    As well as using computers in schools, children should be taught to reed, rite, and appreciate rock.

    •

  • Keep Edukayshun Fit
    In order to keep our teachers fit, 3 periods a week of PE will be allocated for teachers/headmasters and any ancillary staff who happen to be in the area (i.e dinner ladies etc,) (and pupils get to watch. Skipping for men and football for ladies)

  • Bench mark for schools
    To combat discomfort and possible medical litigation, Cushions will be provided for all school chairs.

  • Skools Out
    School will be dismissed if three or more pigeons make it into the central corridor.

  • SKool Dinners
    Pizza Hut and KFC to provide school meals.

  • Teaching  Skool Dress Code
    All teachers should come to school dressed as pink teddy bears then they will
    not be so intimidating.

  • Too much Talking
    Languages should be banned in schools as most kids (and adults) have trouble with English.

  • No fly Zone
    It is proposed to declare the Channel Tunnel a No Fly Zone.

  • Telling Fibbs
    It is proposed that Political leaders are banned if they avoid a straight answer "Yes" or "No". As they may still be telling fibbs, any such person found to string out an answer longer than2.8 seconds should be forced to undertake a lie detector test.

  • Elecshun Lottery
    It is proposed that people should have a free go on the national lottery when they go and vote.

  • Bugged Singers
    All singers who's names sound like infectious diseases( i.e: Chriestina Aguilera, Natalie Imbruglia) will be provided with free antibiotics courtesy of the NHS, just in case it spreads. You can never be safe enough!

  • Paper (Health & Safety)
    Paper cuts (being extremely painful) should be banned. Paper manufacturers will be required to surround all paper with a foam frame. This will ensure that it will not be harmful to children under the age of 80.

  • Say "No" to Cruelty 
    It is proposed to abolish all kinds of animal cruely including flie swatters, hunting, chasing kangaroos off cliffs etc, also eating of plants as it causes undue stress to the plant and all weed killers shold be considered as a weapon of mass destruction, pain should also be made illegal.

  • Poetic License 
    Poets will have to sign up for a 'poetic license' this way shoddy poetry will be eliminated. Also in the test for the license wannabe poets will need to write funny limericks. They will be asked to produce at least one a week, or they are stripped of their license.

  • Fun Shopping
    To boost the country's economy  - it is proposed that British citizens  visit shopping centres wearing a squeeky red clown nose and green wig. This would make shopping mush more fun.

  • Stop Me and Fry One
    Combine the love of Fishing with the great british love of queuing by putting bus stops near canals and lakes. This will also provide convenient homeward transport for britain's proud anglers and will save space.

  • Nice Curves
    A government agency will be set up to paint contour lines on to hills and colour roads the same as on maps. This will help people know where they are.

    •

  • Elections Make You Cross.
    Why do we put a "cross" on the ballot paper.
    A cross normally means "thats wrong".
    We propose that a "tick" would be more suitable.
    Putting across next to someones name on the ballot paper is as good as writing
    "monumental cock up" next to their name.

  • Iraq.
    Polcy on Iraq: Since Iraq needs to have a proper infrastructure before they can run their own country, I propose we send our traffic wardens out to Iraq to give tickets to American Jeeps and Tanks illegally parked thereby raising much needed revenue for the Iraq government (and giving us a much needed break!)

  • Prescott Day
    Since we have Guy Fawkes day because Fawkes ATTEMPTED to destroy Parliament (Penny for the Guy, mate!) and we burn effigies of Fawkes, should we not have a John Prescott day for SUCCEEDING in destroying Parliament, well credibility at least (Penny for the John, mate!) and we could throw John on the bonfire.

  • National Defense.
    To keep our nation on it's toes, we should have a minimum of 2 nuclear war drills a day.

  • Jumping the Que
    We propose dedicated pogo stick lanes on routes to centres of work.

  • Parking Wardens Sarcasm.
    All traffic wardens should be banned from using the phrase "Hello wing
    commander having trouble taking off"

    •

  • Lucky Month.
    We propose to create 13th month, to get all those little things out of the way. The things you just never had time to do... like take out the trash, vote in a general election, learn Latin...
    Another benefit would be that all monthly paid earners would receive an extra months pay.

    •

  • Nessie
    The Loch Ness Monster should be added to the endangered species list.

  • Good Knight
    Ozzy Osborne must receive a knighthood.

  • Home of your Own
    All new homes should be built with a swimming pool and bouncy castle as standard.
    To lower the house prices and help young people I propose we erase the last ‘0’ from the price.

  • Seating Arrangements
    All armchairs and sofas should be redesigned so as not to include a gap where small articles (such as loose change, keys, remote controls and kitchen sinks) can fall down.

  • Disipline in parliament
    Government Whips will only be used if a politician has been really bad. Minor offences should receive the political slipper.

  • Footnote
    Asterisks will be banned*

    •

  • Asylum's a Joke
    All asylum seekers would be allowed to stay as long as they can tell a
    good joke

  • Defense
    All soldiers serving abroad would be issued with a long ranged laser
    guided water pistols

  • Obecity...obeesIT....fat kids
    To tackle the growing problem of obesity in children, It is proposed that all stair lifts in old folks homes be removed and replaced with hand operated pulley systems. These pulley systems will be operated by the obese children on a rotational period so as not to cut into their schooling. The effort required to lift these OAP's will be adequate exercise for our plump offspring.

  • Foreign policy:
    Whenever Great Britain is to play host to a foreign nation in an international sporting event, the British teams should ensure that the visiting team wins. This is correct and proper - it is only polite to allow our guest to win a few games. The beneficial effects of such a policy should not be underestimated, indeed  the recent war in Iraq could well have been averted if the forces of Saddam Hussein had been allowed to win a one day international cricket match or a nice game of rugger.

    •

  • Saintly State
    The creation of a "State-Saint-System" where-by people can vote for ANYONE who they wish to be blessed in as a saint - EXAMPLE. St Dodd of Tickle-stick, St Roy of the Rovers.

  • N.H.S
    Chocolate be available as a prescription drug

  • Pay for Free CD's
    Free CDs with magazines and newspapers be made genuinely free, and available to take away from shops, supermarkets and filling stations etc, and the purchase of the related newspaper and magazine selling the free CD, along with the CD itself be made an optional extra?
    Those that choose not to buy the newspaper can then nominate a fish and chip shop to send the newspaper to, thereby supporting the environmentally friendly practice of paper recycling?
    CDs aren't really free if you have to pay to get them!

  • Paperwaits
    Weekend newspapers. They're rather heavy aren't they, especially broadsheets? A lot of supplements you'll never bother to read. A waste isn't it?
    How about paying a price for the 'Basic Broadsheet Package', that of the main newspaper on its own, and then a small top-up charge for those newspaper supplements that you will actually read, and leave the other supplements on the shelf to remain available to those interested in them?

  • N.H.S
    Maltesers should be on prescription.

  • Traffic
    As you may be aware, there have been recent measures to reduce congestion in London with proposals for other major cities to follow suit. It is proposed that all car owners in the affected areas (London and soon Birmingham, Manchester, etc,) be forced to replace their cars with hovercrafts for the following reasons:
    1. Hovercrafts can go on all terrain, meaning they can spread out, take short cuts and go on water etc.
    2. As they are inflatable, being hit by one will be less painful.
    3. They could use the canal system, thus creating extra jobs and revitalizing a sadly neglected part of our Heritage.
    3. Electric eels like hovercrafts because of their association with the see, therefore, electric eels should be persuaded to jump start any hovercraft where the battery is dead.

  • Best meal of the Day
    It is proposed that we should introduce Asparagus for breakfast.

  • Mind the manholes
    In order to reduce polution all cars must have their engines removed, instead they should have holes in the bottom where people can put their feet and run along. This would be a little bit like the flintstones

  • Women's football
    To get more men to watch women's football all players should have to swap shirts at the end of games (or better still, every time they kick the ball?)

  • Rainbow stop
    It is proposed that we should get rid of three colour traffic lights, and replace it with a much larger spectrum.

  • Good Morning
    It should be illegal to wake up prior to 9.00 A.M. Offenders will made to work on a treadmill for 25 hours, and then woken up after 30 mins heavy sleep with a large alarm clock. Thrown at them.
    The exception to this rule will be Doctors who, will have to work longer hours due to the extra number of reported head injuries

  • An Englishman's home is his Chateaux
    It is proposed that everyone in England should buy one hundred square meters (or be subsidized to do so) of France.
    The English would then own France, saving a lot of arguments, and winning us another UN veto...
    After owning France, It is proposed that we should rent it back to the French
    Then we should start on Germany.

  • Fellowship of the OMRLP
    It is proposed that being the Lord of the Ring should be illegal. Anyone who owns the Ring should hand it into the capable hands of the OMRLP. From now on, when ever someone disappears, they should be called "Smeagol" or "Gollum" instead of John or Jane Doe.

  • Harry's Potty
    As punishment, for their crimes against fiction, Daniel Radcliff, Emma Watson and Christopher Columbus (Harry Potter, Hermionie and the director of Harry Potter, respectively) should be made to stand in front of the ridiculous sign in Kings Cross. Platform 3 and 3/4s,

  • Logical New Industries
    The energizer should be invented. As should the Enterprise. As should the Vulcan.
    Don't understand why? Well it is highly illogical...

  • Working Time Regulations
    Dr. Who shall be made to work doctors hours, we shall not be biased towards Time Lords.

  • Computations
    Canon should be shot. Dell shall be pelted with dill. There should be 5 Pentiums. Why arn't Windows crystal clear?

  • A Place in History
    History should be renamed Geography. As in "Right that's it. You're geography!"

  • Waxing Works
    Madame Tussaud's should be renamed Ms Tussaud's.

  • Start Wars
    Jedi should be recognised as a Religion. Did you know that there are more Jedi's in England than Jews, Buddhists, Sikhs, or anything that isn't Hindu, Christian or Muslim.

  • Not liked
    It is suggested that we should be xenophobic. But, being English, it isn't practical.

  • Guard Dogs
    Guard Dogs shall no longer be permitted.(they're so vicious)
    It is proposed that they will be replaced with Guard Tortoises,
    called Shelly.

  • Olimpix
    Supermarket Trolley Formation Dancing to be made an Olimpick event.

  • Health & Wealth
    All persons born with "a silver spoon in their mouth" will have it surgically removed at birth on the N.H.S
    This will help to prevent mental illness in later years. i.e. Delusions of Self Importance.

  • Things going Bad
    We will set up an inquiry to find out if:
    (a). Things are really that Bad and
    (b). They are out to get you

  • Bon Voyage
    We will pass a law ordering British Airways flight attendants to CHEER UP!

  • Keep Fit
    P.E should be an optional school subject and not permited during winter. (Unless you permit it)

  • Spectator Sport
    Cricket will be made more interesting by elliminating the use of padding. (and possibly Cricket Bats)

  • Keep Britain Tidy
    People caught littering will be punished by being picked up by a large pair of forceps (The claw shaped grabbing devices used by park attendants) and dropped into the nearest landfill site. (Which will be relocated to their back yard)

  • K9 IQ
    The true intelligence of dogs will be fully recognised and appreciated. (when did you last see a dog step in a human poo?)

  • Honoured for Good Taste?
    It is proposed that Graham Norton to be Knighted and appointed as uniform designer for the police and armed forces.

  • English.
    Anyone using American spelling should be made to carry a very large copy of the Oxford English Dictionary around with them for a week.

  • Always a Winner
    The misuse of apostrophes will be punished by extra English lessons for the culprit. (For those who dont know, an apostrophes, is a trophy or certificate, that is sent by Post)

  • Sports Days
    Any school banning sports days for their being too competitive, will have to hold a teachers-only athletics competition.

  • Stocks
    The stocks will be re-introduced as a punishment for anti-social behaviour.

  • Security Issues:
    All sealed private letters to be banned - we propose that all letters must be written on postcards, and emails to be routed through police stations. (After all honest citizens have nothing to hide)

  • Environment
    It is proposed that all anglers be given free licenses from Sept - March. However the deal is that they don't throw the fish back. Water displacement will then lower the levels of the rivers..........ergo: No floods.

  • Edukayshun.
    Ban the teaching of foreign languages. Instead, invest in other countries learning of English.

  • Prison Overcrowding.
    To help prevent  prisons becoming over crowded criminals may be required to be locked into their own homes.

  • Reforms for Firemen.
    To help ease the duties of firemen:
    The Loony party would paint little arrows on all trees so that cats could find their own way down. and all metal railings, would have a maximum gap of two inches (and no spikes) so that no one could get their heads stuck in them.

  • Preferenshall Treatment.
    A number of ancient privileges are associated with the Freedom of the City of London - They include the right to herd sheep over London bridge, to go about the City with a drawn sword, and if convicted of a capital offence, to be hung with a silken rope. Other advantages are said to have included the right to avoid being press-ganged, to be married in St Paul's Cathedral, buried in the City and to be drunk and disorderly without fear of arrest.
    It is proposed that these rights be extended by law to all OMRLP members.

    •

  • Educaysion.
    It is proposed that we should all be made to speak Latin. That would have several
    beneficial effects
    (1) It would slow us all down
    (2)It would enable botanists to take     over the government and regulate colour harmonies in windowboxes and the planting of daffodils
         (3)It would enable us to at last understand what the Scots are upset about. The Cambridge Latin Course book,numbers 1,2,3,4 and 5 should be banned. Anyone who is called, or has been called "Quintus", "Salvius" "Caecillius" or "Cogidubnus" should be shot.
    Even better, they should be sent to Rome, to beg forgiveness.

  • Eddukayshun.
    Sports lessons to include paintball

  • Learning and fings.
    Science lessons to be replaced by practical project to get a hamster on the moon

  • Eddukayshun.
    Drama and English lessons to be dedicated to watching the Simpsons

  • Eddukayshun.
    Pupils to be allowed to decorate the corridors

  • Pets.
    It will be illegal to name your Cat "Cat Mandu". There can be only one

  • Pets.
    All pets shall have the right to sensible names. 'Rover' and 'Cuddles' will be banned under the new law

  • Eddukayshun.
    All pupil records will be abolished, only results from tests will be recorded for future use. This insane policy will help cut the Teachers work load and give them back more free time to teach.

  • Health.
    Everyone will be encouraged to smile at least once a day. Passing the smile on will cheer up the person smiled at. A happy person is a healthy person

  • Sport.
    The hundred metres sprint is over too quickly, therefore it will be slowed down by introducing the carrying of their grandmothers. Football shall stay as it is. Anybody wishing to take part in the Hammer Throwing competition must have a doctors certificate proving their sanity

  • Trade and Industry.
    Industries will be made to clean themselves up, especially when advertising their products. If an advert claims 'you can't eat three' then this must be backed up by independent scientists, or a disclaimer must be shown stating the lie. The disclaimer must be double the size of the original advert.

  • Media.
    The Media must print only the truth and publish apologies on the front page. Page three girls will only be acceptable if a page three boy is also shown. Stories featuring the eating of CurlyWurlys must be given the space before any other story, unless it's an apology about an untrue or bad CurlyWurly story.

  • Agriculture.
    Green Vegetables shall be boiled in food colouring so that they are all bright red, because no-one likes greens

  • Regions.
    Every region shall hold a gala. The only criteria specified shall be that Councilors will be held in stocks, while the electorate throw custard pies, eggs, rotten tomatoes at them. This will allow them to regain their humility. More Regions will be created so that more Councilors can be humiliated

  • Law and Disorder
    Any dog owner caught allowing their dog to poo on the pavement must be given the chance to redeem themselves before going to court and paying a large fine by picking up two Tesco shopping bags worth of other dogs poo.

  • Environment
    More trees should be planted to combat the rise in less trees. Brown field sites should be renamed to stop dog owners thinking they stand for dog poo sites.

    •

  • Politicians with Stars in their eyes
    In order to make politics more "user interactive" we suggest that the BBC launch a new “reality” show, called "Politicians!" along the same lines as "Popstars" in which Anne Robinson, “Nasty” Nigel, and Jeremy Paxman tour the country, auditioning thousands of young, fresh-faced political wannabes. We will replace all current MPs,  with the winners of “Politicians!” (the exclamation mark gives it a “edgy” feel, to appeal to young, hip, viewers). In this way, our country will be governed by people who are not only enthusiastic, honest, and brave enough to face Anne, Nigel, and Jeremy, but can  do a lovely “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” in four part harmony as well.

  • Bullseye
    In keeping with the Government trend of setting up league tables and stupid impossible targets, we have decided that we will follow their example. We will reduce crime & disorder by October..........2001

  • Parlymentree reform
    To encourage more people to vote we propose making the Parliamentary candidate selection process more fun. They would have to take part in a nationwide custard pie throwing competition. They would get a different coloured custard pie relating to their political beliefs, i.e., blue for Tory, blue for...err...Labour (!), yellow for lib Dems, invisible for independents, red for socialists.
     "last man standing wins"

  • Knickers policies:
    Underpants to be fitted with catalytic converters to reduce the amount of harmful emissions into the atmosphere.

  • Music??????
    Boy bands should be outlawed as a great drain on the nations morale.

  • Future Road Safety.
    We shall set up an inquiry into 1. What could be worse?  and, 2.How many people do actually get run over by buses ....This will be done sometime in the future, possibly tomorrow.

  • Road Safety
    Why are the 'airbags' in cars described as safety devices?
    It is proposed that Car manufacturers replace Airbags with a Big Metal Spike pointing at the driver - That would make him drive much more safely.

  • Government White Papers
    It is proposed that we introduce different coloured papers to brighten fings up.
    Pink and red and Yellow, would be nice and we could introduce polka dots and rainbow striped paper. (This would be especially cheerful on Tax Assessment forms and V.A.T. Returns)

  • Consumer Affairs
    Manufacturers will be made to compensate for the "Old and Inferior" goods that they have now replaced with "New and Improved"

  • Defence
    We will spend less on de-fence and more on de-gate and de-garden in general so we can all enjoy more of de-grub,

  • Economy
    Poetry will replace property as collateral.

  • Economy
    Banks will be charged for looking after overdrafts.

  • Economy
    Electricity bills will be cut in halved. Everyone will get a free pair of scissors.

    •

  • Health
    We will combat stress by abolishing Mondays ands having two Saturdays. Further reducing stress we will introduce the third class stamp. By the time your letter arrives the problem will have disappeared.

  • Health
    Hospital waiting lists will be halved overnight. Patients with surnames beginning with letters A-M will be treated one week N - Z the next, hence the longest wait for treatment will be one week.

  • Environment.
    People who drink gin and tonics will not be allowed ice. This will help to preserve the polar ice cap.

  • Environment
    To make electric cheaper to produce all joggers will be placed in a huge revolving drum linked by a dynamo to the national grid.

  • Transport
    One pedestrian is knocked down every 15 minutes in the United Kingdom and he's getting fed up with it. We intend to triple the width of all pavements to make our roads safer.

  • Environment
    We will channel all the hot air coming from Parliament into a purpose built Wind farm just off the Coast, so that everyone will have free heating in the winter, and electric fans in the summer.

  • Yourup
    A Downing Street spokesman has confirmed that in order to meet the conditions for joining the Euro the phrase 'spending a penny' is not to be used after the 31st of December 2001. 
    The Loony Party propose that from this date the correct terminology will be 'euronating'

  • Going in Circles
    We will abolish roundabouts, and replace them with friendly Traffic policemen. (assuming there is such a thing)

    •

  • Vote For a Public Holiday
    Our thanks go to Mick Jones of Loughborough who pointed out that Elections are always held on Thursday, which happens to be one of the days of the week when most of us go to work. 
    As we British work the longest hours in Europe, it leaves little time for much else. Perhaps that why we have a low turnout. It is proposed that: we should try Sunday  Elections, then we could pop in and sort out the democratic process on the way to Asda or B & Q?

  • Political reform.
    Due to the massive increases which M.P's seem to vote for themselves it is proposed that:
    A. All M.P,s should have to sign on at the local Employment Office and provide evidence that they have been doing some work.
    B. All M.P's should be paid by the Social Security Office via a giro in the Post. Then we  shall see how they like being short changed and paid three weeks late.

  • Political reform cont....
    It is proposed that it would be illegal to call yourself a Party if it can be proved that you don't. (Having said that could someone check the Trades Description Act).


    Political reform continued
    It is proposed to: Reduce the deposits fees required to become a candidate, to 1 Yahoo
    Everyone should be allowed to make a fool of themselves, without having to be rich or belong to a Political Machine.

  • Educaytion, Eadukshun, Edukayshun,
    It is proposed that the Government re-instate Student Grants, as their parents have invariably already paid for them via taxes. Bearing in mind that the Students will also be contributing via their taxes in future years. (Probably many times over).

  • Transport
    Jumping Red Traffic Lights is illegal.
    It is proposed that: In future all offenders will be made to drive through them like everybody else.

    •

  • 1/2 Parking Fees
    It is proposed that parking fees in Public Car Parks are made transferable to others. Why should we not be allowed to give the time remaining to someone else. At the moment Companies and Authority Car Parks are getting paid twice for the same space.
     (Suggested on 23/3/00 by a member of The Nottingham High School)
    It is also proposed that all 3 wheeled Reliant Robins, Bubble Cars and Mini’s get free or reduced fee parking in Public Car Parks At the moment they pay the same as a Rolls Royce or Cadillac.

  • Penshuners.
    There has been some worry lately about the rising level of "Grey" Crime
    The pic below taken on CCTV proves the point
    To help reduce the need for pensioners to resort to crime:
    It is proposed that all pensioners (those on benefit) should be provided a free telephone (connected) so they would be able to telephone their friends and relatives without the worry about cost. It would also be useful for emergencies
    TV Licenses: should be free for all pensioners over 65 yrs old not 75.
    We know that this will be a really silly idea, but how's about giving pensioners a decent pension that they can live on without having to scrimp and scrape.

  • Internet
    It is proposed that everyone should have free connection to the Internet. This would enable everyone to gain information easily, it would allow British business to be able to compete in the global marketplace, and more importantly they would be able to default their browser to the OMRLP homepage. In education it would allow children to continue their learning at home. and then their parents would know where their kids were at night, thus reducing crime, and litter.

  • Water.
    Did you know that at present Water Companies charge Businesses for the rainwater that falls on their premises and then goes down the drain.
    It is proposed that this practice is stopped, and that metered businesses be given a rebate for saving the Water companies from having to build more reservoirs.
    This would also apply to residential properties who can no longer get Flood Insurance.
    Also why do we have to pay (or get taken to court) months in advance for Water Rates. Our employers don't pay us in advance neither do we stock up on water for a rainy day.

  • Mortgages
    It is proposed that all Mortgages have fixed permanent rates of interest for the length of the loan period.
    When the Government or Bank of England decides arbitrarily to increase the rates Mortgage companies also increase their rates next day, which normally means people end up paying more even though they haven't borrowed anymore.
    The powers that be tell us its to slow down spending, and then tell us that our Industry is having a hard time as no one is spending.

  • Industry
    It is proposed that any equipment or start-up loans for Industry is also at a fixed rate for the period of the loan, so they can plan forward with confidence, and we stand a better chance of keeping our jobs.

  • Monopoly's
    In keeping with Lord Sutch's query some years ago." Why is there only one Monopoly's commission?" It is proposed that we set up TWO independent enquiries to sort out this problem twice and for all.
    Also we would make sure that everybody has at least one Monopoly Game ....but only one.

  • Electoral Reform again.
    The age at which people can stand for election should be reduced to 18 yrs
    At this age you can Vote, Drink, and do almost anything else, except stand for election.

  • Political Correctness
    (Suggested by Alan (Howlin Laud) Hope)
    The Isle of Man be renamed The Isle of Person
    Nuff said!!!

  • More Political stuff
    Political Contributions from Unions.
    Most Unions make a political contribution to the Various Political Parties paid for from the subscriptions of their members. Although you can opt out, which is a load of hassle, most people don't bother or don't know.
    Union members should be able to donate (or withdraw) their share to any political party they wish when they join.
    Even the OMRLP.
    It is Loony that as a candidates for the OMRLP, we are contributing to the opposition.

  • National Non- Insurance
    It is proposed that National Insurance is disbanded, as we already pay for the National Health, Pensions, and other benefits from our high indirect Taxes. Added to this the fact that no one ever gets a no claims discount.

  • Privatisation.
    When nationalised or Government owned industries are Privatised, the shares are sold to those who can then afford to buy them.
    This system is wrong as we have all contributed via our taxes to the business in question, so some of us are in effect paying twice, whilst others get nothing.
    It is proposed that any business being privatised in which the Government has an interest should have its shares divided equally to every person on the electoral register FREE.

  • Fancy Dress Hire Shops
    It is proposed that and that Fancy Dress Shops should get a Government Subsidy, and be 0% rated for V.A.T

  • EFnic Minorities
    It is proposed that all members of the OMRLP be designated an efnic Minority. On the basis that 99.999999% of the population will then have to do what we say.......or else we sue.

  • Fuel Shortages
    We think we have found an answer to the problems of the high cost of Fuel.
    Buy Less, and Walk more.
    ALTERNATIVE POLICY:
    Get rid of the Labour Government.

  • Loony Party Financial advice
    Buy Low, Sell High.

  • Opinion Polls.
    It is proposed that the OMRLP should not take into account the opinion of Polls when considering our policies. Although the Polish are our allies and good friends of this country, We feel that Polls should keep their opinions to themselves an not get involved in the politics of other countries.

  • Cyclists
    The Councils and Government spend hundreds of thousands of pounds building Cycle routes and lanes to keep cyclists safe and away from vehicles.
    Cyclists then ride on the road causing danger to themselves and other road users
    It is proposed that all cyclists must (by law) drive in the cyclists lane if provided.
    They wouldn't like it if we drove on their bit.

    •

  • Cuisine
    Jamie Oliver, Delia Smith and Ainslie Harriet should be boiled in a cauldron of scalding hot water before any public appearance
    (suggested by Mr A. Lobster)
    (proposed by Mr R.U.Seerius)

    •

  • Payment Protection Insurance.
    Millions of people pay millions of pounds for payment protection in the event of illness or unemployment.  But the Insurance companies rarely pay out due to the stringent conditions in the small print which they don't tell you about when you initially get covered. so: 
    We propose that the government introduce a Payment Protection Insurance for Payment Protection Insurance that doesn't protect your payments.

  • Health at your Convenience.
    We propose a law banning those hot hand dryers in toilets that switch of before your hands are dry, its so annoying.
    (suggested by Lady Penelope P.P.C Crawley)

  • Antisoshall behaveyer.
    Labour's policy of giving rewards to Bad people who may be Good is stupid.
    There's no deterrent.
    We propose that any BAD person be given and forced to listen to  the entire Back catalogue of DES O'CONNER's greatest hits.
    This would demonstrate what anti-social behavior really is.

  • Business.
    We all know that businesses are complaining about the ever increasing amount of Red tape that they have to deal with every week.
    We have the answer:
    We will ban all red tape on Sundays. This means that business will only have Red tape for six days per week.
    We also propose that all Red tape will be changed to yellow and black (Loony Party Colours), and that any excess Yellow and Black tape be collected and made into snazzy party rosettes.

    •

  • Elektickery.
    It should be mandatory that, in the event of a power cut, when the power goes off, it should be switched back on 30 seconds later for 2 minutes so you can locate the candles and flashlights. (suggested by Galaxy Woman)

  • Motorway Blockages
    To avoid bank holiday congestion - make nasal sprays freely available in those little phone boxes on the motorways (suggested by Clipper Ride)

  • Asylum in English
    It has been proposed that all Asylum seekers and refugees will be taught to speak English. This will be of great benefit (it has been said) when these people are relocated in Glasgow (or Birmingham).    .

    •

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