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The Isle of Wight Branch of The Official Monster Raving Loony Party.
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For any reader who is not sure where we are, the Isle of Wight (I.O.W) is a small island off of the Coast of The United Kingdom just south of Southampton and Portsmouth, made famous by those immortal words "Every year we will rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight, if its not to dear". With the current state of the economy its probably more accurate to say that for people who are coming off fixed rate mortgages it will be cheaper to rent a cottage on the Isle of Wight. (but that's another issue)
Festivals and Events
The Isle of Wight is famous for its Festivals particularly the 1970 event which was the biggest festival ever, anywhere, (600,000 people) There are two major festivals every year. The Isle of Wight Festival (also known as "The Welcome to the Isle of Wight, Give us your money and f*** off Festival"), and the other event The Bestival which is slightly offbeat in theme
The Island is also famous for Cowes week celebrated every year. This is nothing to do with agricultural activities nor is it a beauty contest for estranged wives. Cowes is a small town on the Island which is world famous for Yachting and Sailing. Every year they hold an event which culminates in a Week long Festival of racing events etc
Ferries and Travel
The only way to get to the Isle of Wight (for most of us) is by Ferry (probably the most expensive per mile in the world) and as a result its not a cheap place to live. But it is a very lovely place with stunning views and a nice way of life, which is just as well as you couldn't afford to do much. The wages here are very low compared to the mainland. (Your lucky to have a job) or unless you are the chief executive of the Council. The reason I am told is "Its the Island". As everything has to be brought across by Ferry the cost of most items are considerably higher than the mainland. Travel here is also not cheap with the Islands main Bus Company Southern Vectis also being very expensive, but it is a reliable and a good service. (I may be a little biased here as I work for them, but even so compared to others I've used its a good service)
Council
I am hoping to be able to entice a lot of Councillors, to join the Loony party as they do have a head start. Sutch ideas as supplying the council employees to wear caps on their heads with the words "THINK" on it, to encourage ???? thinking, and Indian head Massages for council employees really start to make the loony party look quite acceptable. If you can get the job of Council Chief, its also worth doing. The previous employee Joe Duckworth cost a reputed £600,000+ for 2 years of employment with the Tory council, but we are assured by "Resources Portfolio Holder" Cllr Barry Abraham that he was worth it and the costs had to be set against Mr Duckworths achievements. We are not told what these achievements were, but Mr Duckworth has now moved to the London Borough of Newham (They are going to Love him). Before you ask a "Resources Portfolio Holder" is apparently employed to justify extortionate earnings payments of other councillors from ratepayers money (I Think)
28/05/08 I.O.W Christmas Drink 2007 was be held on June 27th.2008 Details to follow. All members and potential members were welcome to attend. (some did)
Manifesto Proposals.
1.Eurofit: The European Constitution which will be sorted out by going for a long Walk. "As everyone knows that walking is good for the constitution"
2. Niton undercliff to be renamed Niton undersea.
3. Population on the island too big?: From the census taken in 2001, the island's population was at 132,731 and increasing. WE would Constitutionally restrict immigration by non-island residents and maintain our own immigration and border controls. Population and housing is to be controlled by restrictions on those without residential status purchasing property in the Island. (just like Jersey) This may not solve the immigration or housing problem, but it would make many of us Filthy Rich!
4. Sell shares in Northen rock, buy shares in Isle of wight rock!
5. We would insist that all Sailing sports in the Olympics would be transferred to Cowes.
5. Veno’s cough mixture will be supplied free to all motorists entering Newport. This would help reduce congestion.
6. To encourage tourism we would set up the world championship Space hopper racing and enter it as an Olympic sport
7. As newport isnt very new and has been around since Roman times, we would try to get a valuation for it on Antiques Roadshow.
8. Going in Circles: We will abolish roundabouts, and replace them with friendly Traffic policemen. (assuming there is such a thing)
9. Animal Rights: It is proposed to set up a new breeding sanctuary (On Mersley Down ) to revive the DoDo population
10.We will Reverse congestion in Newport centre by turning the cars around.
11. Elecshun Lottery: To encourage local participation in the elecshun process, It is proposed that people who vote in the borough or local election should have a free go on the national lottery when they go and vote.
12. McDonald’s, Morrisons, Tesco’s, Somerfields and other takeaways stores on the Island will be charged extra, to help clean up the Island, as most of the rubbish is bought there.
13. We will get the council to buy Wightlink, (so all residents get free travel) and will convert all the ferries to floating bridges. (To be renamed Chain link) which will be run by using windpower from all the Hot air that blows from County Hall.
14.The speaker in the House of Commons will be replaced by the latest audio equipment
15. To help the Israel/Palestinian Problem, we will get rid of the old road map, and replace it with a new sat nav instead
16.It is proposed that the European Union end its discrimination by creating a "Court of Human Lefts" because their present policy is one -sided.
MORE TO COME