Easy life.

So you gotta bike?

Winter draws to a close, and the bike will soon be a single piece of pure lust after the winter rebuild. Summer is just around the corner and strange plans which were festering in the deep recesses of your head begin to wriggle into life within your brain. So there you are, looking at anything from your first Honda 90 stepthru to the latest "megga-monster-you-can't-beat-it-ultimate-street-animal' and thinking 'what now'?

Well my little furry friend, life is made of many parts, the artist/animal in you has been exorcised with your latest two wheeled beast, but now the best can be a reality if you have the willing to use that machine in front of you. You can pose, I can pose, we all do it but in the end you just end up as a poser and who wants to be called that, only airheads need reply.
Is there life beyond posing?. 'course there bloody well is ! don't be a dork, get your head around some real possibilities.

How much have you spent on the bike? a hundred, five hundred, a grand, 2K? Now answer me this, how much is a passport? well unless you have shit for brains, the answer is a lot less than you spent on your bike, right? The ideas begin to grow some form, and like the ad, do ya get my drift?

But ..but..but, I've only got a 125, to which my reply is.. you lucky, lucky b*****d! My first trip to France was on a Honda ST70 monkey bike and the next time, I took a tent, so sod the excuses, anyone can do it !

Do what? Well my dear hairy friend, its time to remove the blinkers and talk about the big wide world, the one which frightens too many of us. Why does it frighten?, simple, because its a great unknown. The great unknowns like the autobahns in Germany, should you wish to test the top end of your street animal, or if you have a little 125, then you have the long twisty hills of the Alps to explore (but get new brake shoes first) and of course, every other type of road you can possibly think of in between.

Out there is the perfect road for your bike and if like too many of us, you can't give up posing then at least have the decency to pose in all the right places, under the Eiffel tower, on (over?) the twisting roads of the Alps, draped over the sundrenched beaches of the Algarve and just about everywhere else while you're at it. And remember, if you must practice this highly suspect art, then at least do it with the maximum effect and make sure you take the lens cap off first.

And so down to business. You may or may not appreciate being thought equal of the frogs and krauts, but at least they build some magnificent roads, the wine's good and cheap and the food's not too bad either. A passport lasts for ten years, so if you don't have one, pop down the Post Office now.

To go abroad is an art, and here is where the fun begins, get out that tatty old map of europe, and ignore it. Yeah that's right, what you are after is a life, not a selection of fancy stickers creating a blatant and particularly nasty display of how you blew your money in all the flesh pots of the continent. (although this sounds good and worth remembering if all else fails).

What do you want from this trip abroad? Well one thing is sure, you'll cock up a lot first time out, but don't think this is a bad point, it's usually when things go wrong that you'll get the most out of travelling abroad. Pester your real friends, the one's with reliable bikes or those who know how to mend a puncture or better still, know electrickery, get them interested and tell them you're sorry they can't go abroad with you and how you will miss their company etc etc until they make definite plans to go with you. I'm sure you know the score.

When you've decided how many are going, preferably just a few good friends to keep things simple, decide what you want. Are you going to cruise where you feel like, or are there friends to meet, or are you like me, simply getting the next boat abroad and just boogying about.

To plan or not to plan, if you are in doubt, plan as much as you wish, get all the camping sites marked and the distances, then be prepared to ignore them when something better turns up, returning to the plan later if needs arise.

The only plans I must make are the number of miles I'll expect to do, anything from two thousand for a simple trip around six countries in two weeks to four grand or more, so get the petrol money sorted, it costs about the same as over here and don't forget the ferry fares.

Secondly food and drink. If like many, you live out of takeaways and pubs, then you've no problems, but if you live by a politically correct diet you will need to experiment. Warning!! Foreigners are heathens insofar as they do not have cheese and onion crisps, and be ye warned that this is not their only problem, some of their failings are even worse.

If you can handle a bike and the weather, the whole wide world is yours. Get out there and devour all your eyes and mind can take in, and then some. You won't see it all, remember, you only have just the one lifetime, but on a bike you won't be just another boring tourist, instead, you'll see more than just about anyone.

The big make or break with bikes is the way you use them. Bikes travelling heavily loaded can be a pain. If you've a Goldwing, big tent, loads of camping crap and of course, shit loads of money, then you will get to many places including into queue's, pay desks and tourist traps. Because you're reading this mag, you're above all that kind of pratting around. If you prefer the luxury life, and disagree with me, then that's your privilege, but I still hope this will be of use. This is not about tepees, snowholes or survival, just simple, basic camping.

Travelling doesn't cost much, except some time to find your own way of doing things. You, like the rest of us, realise we're going to get wet occasionally, tough shit, we're used to it, and can handle such minor discomforts, after all, it's only soddin water. We're rufty tufty, real hard bikers, we don't mind rain, its only hassle is poor road grip. Unless you have medical problems, then by getting wet occasionally, you can build up resistance to colds. It's said, and seems about right, that you suffer more colds when you get central heating, 'cos you no longer acustomise to the weather.

Travelling light should not deprive you of any comforts, in fact it probably relieves you of many burdens. Your camping kit should get smaller and smaller each year, and we all wish, but doubt, that all camping gear would fit in a back pocket.

By riding bikes, the world is definitely yours, you can park where cars can't, you can camp with no sign of being there, from deserts to jungles, even load the bike on boats where vehicles rarely go. Try freighters, they often carry a few passengers. Carrying loads of kit, finding a campsite, pumping up the airbed and getting the kettle on, can often be too much hassle, and will limit your horizons. If you get lost late at night, the last thing you want is having to find a proper campsite. By travelling light, you just sleep were you drop, especially when you're totally knackered. It's not as bad as it sounds, many bikers do it regularly.

A few ideas to contemplate.
First a quote from the book 'The Happy Traveller' written by a priest who travelled world wide, early this century, "There are few beds more comfortable than a dry ditch in England in June ".(See footnote.)
Secondly, when beginners start camping, they should gather all the things they think they need, and throw two thirds away, what's left, will be just right.
Finally, the latin word for luggage is Impedimenta.

Getting the idea? Good, let's check out the typical bikers' basic needs.

First and foremost, company. Good friends can doss the night almost anywhere, and still have a good time. You're thinking, " I know sod all about camping". Well, surprise, surprise, neither did any of us once. You get born, you learn how to enjoy life, you die. So just keep your brain in gear, your eyes open, and all will fall in place soon enough.

Secondly shelter. Unlike cars, you can't kip on a bike. A car is crap anyway, unless you have a van, you can never stretch out properly. Shelter can be simple, it need not be a tent, especially if it's not raining. Sleeping under the stars is pretty good as long as you are out of the wind. If it rains, try under bridges, barns, seaside shelters, even under upturned boats, whatever's nearest.

Carry a ' basha ', a strong, waterproof , dark green or camouflaged sheet about 6ft by 8 ft, a cheap groundsheet will do as long as you have holes in the corners, and make sure it won't be noisy in the wind, some cheap ones are 'crinkly'. If near countries with terrorists or wars, use a non military coloured basha, so you don't get shot first and asked questions later. There are many ways to make a shelter, try as many as you can think of, and use the bungies, lean to's, wedges, bungied to trees. For pegs, use sticks, rocks, or roll the bike over edge of the basha. If you find yourself getting high on such activities, and many do, then carry a wire saw, even a small axe. Like all camps, check you're not on low ground which gets waterlogged, choose a soft spot, (with a hip recess if you sleep on your side), and position the lowest part of the shelter into wind.

The basha is a good friend, I've stretched mine between my bike and a tree in a thunderstorm, and repaired a puncture. No worries. Yes, carry enough kit to fix a puncture and most simple faults, including a kiddies bike pump with schrader adapter, electrical and baling wire, points etc.

If you travel as a group, then check out tents, bivi bags, benders, and enormous bashas to make a serious party hole. The basha can hold all your kit, keeping it dry when riding, don't carry extras when just one item will do.

The aim of camping is an easy life, so my sleeping bag is warm but cheap, this allows me to crawl into it filthy, wet and without worries, and get another cheapo bag when the old one dies, or starts crawling around by itself. If I had a superb sleeping bag I would soon get fed up with ruining it.
Remember, whatever kit you use, the cheapest will save you having to care for it too much. If it's stolen or you trash it, you can replace it quickly and cheaply, it all makes for an easy life.

After shelter comes food and drink. This can be hit or miss when finding it, so always carry a strong shopping bag, especially if tonight is pig-out night. If like me, you don't care where you end up, then carry a tin of curry, and a couple of choccy bars in reserve, you may not wake up until sunday, find yourself totally lost, in a different country with the wrong money (visa cards are life savers), and any way, the nearest shop is shut.

Everybody's attitude to food will differ, you may cut some wood, gut and throw a rabbit in the embers, you may pig-out at cafes, or you may live out of tins all week. If you succumb to soup kitchens, you really must start asking yourself some serious questions.

Whatever way you eat, enjoy it. Vary food as much as possible, not just chippies, curries, burgers, some shops do wonderful coleslaw's, and fresh fruit too. When I'm abroad, every other meal seemed to have peaches with it, but then I'm a sad case, as I'm rather fond of fresh fruit. Carry a six pack for tonight if not going into town, and sod the tea.

Food can be cooked anyway you like, as long as its safe. If you reckon your self a chef, carry a frypan, you can do just about anything in it. After, clean with grass or gravel from a stream. You don't have to carry pans, cos' all the angles have been covered since the beginning of time.

Check out these, just two of hundreds of ideas. Cut the top off an orange, scoop out and eat the inside, you can now poach an egg inside the orange, in the embers of a fire, tastes ok, if a bit orangy. Gut a bird, leave the feathers on, cover in mud and bake in the embers of a large fire. The mud dries into a sort of baking dish, and the feathers come off with it. When starting, try lamb chops with onions in alloy foil, cooked in embers, with potatoes done the same way, followed by local cider.

A nice cuppa tea, coffee, or even your nightime cocoa if that's what you turns you on, shouldn't have you carrying stupid kettles around. Just carry your water in an alloy water bottle, put it part way in the embers to boil, with the cap loose, if desperate or just lazy, beer cans will do, get your cup and gloves handy. If desperate for water, strain suspect water through your hanky, then boil the water for at least five minutes to kill all nasties.

A whole article could be done on making fires, but three words of advice, try try, try. Remember, fires need not be big to cook food, and if you are crap making them, well dummy, carry some solid fuel to start them, I do. There's petrol in the bike too, so soak some dry wood in petrol, the rest should be interesting. If you want regular cooking, check out small petrol cookers.

When a real fire is out of the question, or you're lazy, then try solid fuel cookers, don't buy the cooker, just the fuel blocks. Find a sheltered hollow, choose three rocks the size of a fist, arrange them to hold your tin of curry off the ground. Leave your tin unopened, then dent it, and cook it. If there are no rocks, improvise, use your tool kit, or dig a small hole. Use your glove to turn and shake the tin now and then. If the dent pops out, remove the tin as this gives you a safety factor well before it explodes. Open at the highest point, this allows hot air out, and not nasty spurts of curry, stew or whatever. An emergency meal will fit in your pocket, sachet of drinking chocolate, tin curry, two solid fuel tabs and matches, use the empty tin to boil the water and as a cup.

Finally, hygiene. It isn't a taboo subject, honest.
Notice the skin creams on TV, ever wondered just why anyone would ever need them? the answer's simple, some people wash too often. Why remove natural oils that have taken millions of years of evolution to perfect? Yes, people smell, we've been ponging for millions of years. Deodorant is for those who can't accept their own natural smell. You have to wash, but only when needed, your body will let you know, and of course, friends with noses. Always carry a first aid and sew kit, but no bigger than your fist.

By now you're are thinking, ok you clever sod, what do you carry? To which my reply is, not much, and even then it seems too much. Try the following kit for a couple of days, it works for me, but always be prepared to change it to suit you.

For staying alive and clean. A small shaver, toothbrush and paste, 'dog end' of soap, metal mirror, half roll of toilet paper, that's the hygiene sorted. What a dipshit, I've forgotten the towel. (or have I?)

For staying alive and fed. A Mauser army knife (the big green Swiss army knife with saw, two blades, reamer, corkscrew, and can opener). Matches in a poly bag, 2 packets of solid fuel blocks,( the small camping stove ones), lots of alloy foil for wind shields and cooking food in, a 2 pint alloy water bottle, small spoon, cup, tin of curry, brew kit. When you get keen on this, maybe a frypan and a small axe.

For staying alive and comfy. A basha, four bungees that double as guy lines, a small alloy torch, spare socks. A tee-shirt, which doubles as a towel, 'cos I got no style, and which also doubles as a pillow with everything soft stuffed in it, 'cos I like a good kip. Swim trunks double as spare undies and for when I end up on sunny beaches, and when I have to wash or sew the trousers, a first aid kit, with needle and thread, sleeping bag with bin liner for a ground sheet.

All wrapped up in the basha, or secreted about your person if that what's how you get excited. Other important stuff is a camera, two hankies,( double as small bandages and to filter water), money, enough for the next few days, you may be in a different country tomorrow. A credit card will make life easier, passport, an international driving licence from any of the motoring organisations. Don't forget form E111 from the DSS, for cheap medical help abroad and finally a good dose of various jabs from the doctor, for nasties you don't want to live with.

About maps, carry a small one, but don't get too serious about them. Instead, when you get to a town, check out postcard stands to find the interesting places nearby. Foreigners will understand most translations from a pocket translation book. It's well worth the experience, even if it does your head in for a while. Don't expect to understand them for a while, just read their expressions and look where they point.

If you are still thinking that a fork, kettle, pillow, tent, camping stove, plates and a thousand and one other pieces of impedimenta are worth taking, do so, I promise not to get upset and cry. Carry anything you want, as long as you get out there and live.

If it pisses down, and you get wet, dry by laying your kit out in the sun, wear clothing loosely, and wrapping over the seat when riding. If you don't have many clear days, try going in summer. Laundrettes seem a good idea too, so wear the tee-shirt and swim trunks while chatting to the girlies next to you.

Practice is the way to make travelling light an easily life, even if you and your mates end up sleeping in hedges, with a chinese takeaway under your belt, and a six pack under the stars, it's worth the experience. If in doubt, first try the local areas you know, to get it all about right.

Today Britain, tomorrow The World. More scenery then you can shake a stick at, exotic people and foods, lands of frivolous lovers and serious curries. More than enough experiences and stories to impress your mates with in a lifetime. Bored, they won't be, jealous, possibly, ready to follow you to the ends of the earth, hopefully. Give it a try, it won't cost much. Even the crap times are good crap, and worth telling about, and the good times are what life's worth living for.

(C) J.Partridge. 1993.

Recommended reading.
SAS Survival manual. (ISBN.0-00-217185-6.)
Roughing it Easy.