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Batch the Fifth

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Preliminary context.  The late, great, Vivian Stanshall ( 1943 - 1995 ), of 'Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band' and 'Sir Henry at Rawlinson End' fame, musing on Prince Charles, then a young undergraduate.

A pearl of wisdom amidst typical Viv whimsy.

            

'I keep praying that he's going to freak out when he becomes King.  He's at Cambridge, isn't he ?  Something evil must happen to him there.  Supposing he turns the Palace into a bawdy house ?  Suppose he goes about stabbing poodles and laying waste the countryside ?  I wish we could go back to absolute monarchy.  At least we'd only have one clot to contend with.  I've nothing to do with the way the country is run and nor have you, so we might as well have a tyrant on the throne.  He could bring back beheading and drown people in malmsey.  It would be nice to flood the Albert Hall and stage animal fights, with hippos eating maidens.  At least it would make you laugh.  Just something to sweeten the pill.'

Interview with 'Melody Maker' 21/12/1968.

And

In a chemist's shop near Broadcasting house, Viv Stanshall overheard a man request an anti wasp spray so that an intended family picnic would not be pestered.  The Chemist sold him a can of 'Wasp-Eze'.

Stanshall's imagination took flight just like a swarm of wasps.  The result was a spoof radio ad broadcast on Radio 1 accompanied by Bach's 'Air on a "G" String' ( the music in the famous Hamlet cigar ads ):

 

'Hey !  Yes, you.  Bet you haven't noticed many elephants around Broadcasting house just lately, have you ?  Why is that ?  OK, I'll let you in on it.  We had the whole place sprayed not so long ago with new REPEL-E-PHANT.  Uh-huh.  REPEL-E-PHANT, the aerosol answer to today's pachyderm problem.   REPEL-E-PHANT was developed by the same thoughtful people who brought you RHI-NO, the revolutionary rhinoceros repellent.  It was pretty popular with the Royal Family as well.   

Just spray a little REPEL-E-PHANT on your legs or exposed areas first thing in the morning - it's good to have a routine, that way you won't forget.  Let it dry and you're ready to go ... just stand down-wind and watch those big grey chaps pack their trunks !'

 

[ With thanks to 'Ginger Geezer - the Life of Vivian Stanshall' by Lucian Randall and Chris Welch.  2001. ]

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Preliminary context:  Mr Marx waxing lyrical on the revolutionary 'Day of Judgement':

 '...  when the reflections of burning cities are seen in the heavens ... and when the 'celestial harmonies' consist of the melodies of the Marseillaise * and the Carmagnole *, to the accompaniment of thundering cannon, while the guillotine beats time and the inflamed masses scream Ca ira, Ca ira **, and self-consciousness is hanged on the lamppost.'

Included in the original draft of 'The German Ideology'.  1845-46.

 *   Popular French Revolutionary songs and/or dances.

 **  Another French Revolutionary song.  The title literally translates as 'That will go [well ]' but is generally taken as 'We will win !'

 

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All day long they [ modern people ] are bombarded by other people's thoughts, mostly directed to amusing them with a view to taking their money.  Everything is noisy, exciting, completely superficial.  The deep things of life, the existence of God, the object of human life, the inevitability of death are excluded from ever entering their thoughts'.

 

Sir John Glubb, 1897 - 1986.  A.k.a 'Glubb Pasha', commander of the Arab Legion 1936 - 1956.  From 'A Purpose for Living' 1980.  p170.

 

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'I have one or two books with me, which no one is likely to take from me, and one in my heart which is the best of all.  If it shall please Heaven to finish my existence here, before I can prosecute my studies further, what cause have I to repine ?  I pray God I may not be mistaken, but I think I have wronged no man, and committed no mortal sin.  If I have, I know where to look for forgiveness; and if I die, as I have said, without knowing all I would desire to learn, shall I not be in a situation to learn everything, and what can human soul ask for more ?'

 

 The 'gaunt, yellow-haired' Saxon 'pastor' serving as a mercenary soldier, encountered by the hero in William Makepeace Thackeray's 'Barry Lyndon', 1844.

 

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'In a private condition, our desires are perpetually repressed by poverty and subordination; but the lives and labours of millions are devoted to the service of a despotic prince, whose laws are blindly obeyed, and whose wishes are instantly gratified.  Our imagination is dazzled by the splendid picture; and whatever may be the cool dictates of reason. there are few among us who would obstinately refuse a trial of the comforts and cares of royalty.  It may therefore be of some use to borrow the experience of the same Abdalrahman, whose magnificence has perhaps excited dour admiration and envy, and to transcribe an authentic memorial which was found in the closet of the deceased caliph.  "I have now reigned above fifty years in victory or peace, beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies.  Riches and honours, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity.  In this situation, I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot: they amount to FOURTEEN: - O Man !  Place not thy confidence in this present world !

 

From Gibbon's 'Decline and Fall', regarding an 8th Century Spanish Caliph.

 

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'Personally, I love Crazy Horse because even the most basic outline of his life shows how great he was, because he remained himself from the moment of his birth to the moment he died; because he knew exactly where he wanted to live, and never left, ... because his dislike of the oncoming civilisation was prophetic ... because, deprived of freedom, power, occupation, culture, trapped in a situation where bravery was invisible, he was still brave ...'

 

'Crazy Horse' by Ian Frazier - from 'Great Plains' 1989.

  

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'I have persecuted the natives of England beyond all reason.  Whether gentle or simple I have cruelly oppressed them; many I unjustly disinherited; innumerable multitudes perished through me by famine or the sword ... I fell on the English of the northern shires like a ravening lion.  I commanded their houses and corn, with all their implements and chattels, to be burnt without distinction, and great herds of cattle and beasts of burden to be butchered wherever they were found.  In this way I took revenge on multitudes of both sexes by subjecting them to the calamity of a cruel famine, and so became the barbarous murderer of many thousands, both young and old, of that fine race of people.'

 William the Conqueror's death-bed confession  in 1087.  As per Ordericus Vitalis c. 1130.

 

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'Calamity has tempered and hardened me, and turned my mind into steel.'

 

Ho Chi Minh, 1890 - 1969, President of North Vietnam 1945 - 1969.  Also said, of himself, by George Galloway MP.  1954 - date.

 

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Preliminary context.  Smedley Darlington Butler, 1881 - 1940, Major-General in the United States Marine Corp.  Holder of two congressional medals of honour ( capture of Vera Cruz 1914, and Fort Riviere, Haiti, 1917 ) and distinguished service medal, 1919.  Retired 1931.

 

'War is just a racket.  A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of people.  Only a small inside group knows what it is about.  It is conducted for the benefit of the very few at the expense of the masses.

 I believe in adequate defence at the coastline and nothing else.  If a nation comes over here to fight, then we'll fight.  ...  I wouldn't go to war again as I have done to protect some lousy investment of the bankers.  There are only two things we should fight for.  One is the defence of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights.  War for any other reason is simply a racket.

...  I spent thirty-three years and four months in active military service as a member of this country's most agile military force, the Marine Corps.  I served in all commissioned ranks from second Lieutenant to Major-General.  And during that period, I spent most of my time being a high class muscle-man for big Business, for Wall Street and for the bankers.  In short I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism.

... I helped make Mexico, especially Tampico, safe for American oil interests in 1914.  I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in.  I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefits of Wall Street.  The record of racketeering is long.  I helped purify Nicaragua for the international banking house of Brown Brothers in 1909-1912 ... I brought light to the Dominican Republic for American sugar interests in 1916.  In China I helped to see to it that Standard Oil went its way unmolested.

During those years, I had, as the boys in the back room would say, a swell racket.  Looking back on it, I feel that I could have given Al Capone a few hints.  The best he could do was to operate his racket in three districts.  I operated on three continents.'

 

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'In those weeks in May and June [ 1940 ], I think 99 per cent of English folk found their souls, and whatever else it may have been it was a glorious and triumphant experience.  If you have lived your life's span without a passionate belief in anything, the bald discovery that you would honestly and in cold blood rather die when it came to it than be bossed about by a Nazi, then that is something to have lived for.'

Margery Allingham.  'The Oaken Heart', 1941, page 163.

And:

Preliminary context: during the dark days of 1940, special 'Auxiliary Units' were set up, to spearhead British resistance in the event of Nazi occupation.  Commanded by the splendidly named Colonel Gubbins and based at Coleshill House, near Highworth, Swindon, the intention was that their 3,524 men and women would sally out, partisan style, from bases in woods and cellars to harass the enemy and inspire a wider movement.

Even the briefest glance at the barbarities involved in the partisan struggle in occupied Russia suggests what terrible scenes would have been enacted across the Home Counties of England.  Assassinations followed by hostage taking and collective punishments would have been the least of it.

But the spirit of the enterprise at least is inspiring.  Colonel Gubbins's Chief of Staff, Peter Wilkinson, gave the following orders to one of his officers,  Douglas Dodds-Parker, in late May 1940.

 

'If the United kingdom is to be overrun, keep outside the ring.  Go to South Africa, Australia, Canada.  Keep going, and stay in touch with Auxiliary Units in the UK.  Remember, it took the Greeks only six hundred years to get free of the Turks.'

Douglas Dodds-Parker. 'Setting Europe Ablaze'.  1983.

 

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