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Dispatch dated 14th October 2003

Coming soon to this site for your delectation and corruption ! My pilot TV script 'THAT DEVIL WILKES !' in all its dirt-and-lace and dancing bear strumpet glory.

'Who's ee ?' You may well ask.

At the risk of repetition ( see 'Yo, ladies ... What's happenin ?' Dispatch dated November 2001 ), Mr Wilkes is not the man who spoilt Mrs Lincoln's theatre outing in 1865, for a start (although a much removed ancestor of John Wilkes Booth, coincidentally). In fact, he was: ( are you sitting comfortably ? Then I'll begin ... )

John Wilkes ( 1727 - 1797 ): inspiration for the once popular London street cry 'Wilkes and Liberty !'. English Radical politician and profligate, born in Clerkenwell, son of a distiller father and pious mother. A Rake and member of the infamous 'Hellfire Club', a colonel of the Buckinghamshire militia. Founder and editor of the scurrilous 'North Briton' newspaper, translator of the classics and persecuted author of the shocking 'Essay on Woman'. Four times elected and three times excluded Member of Parliament for Middlesex, Wilkes survived three government sponsored duels and assassination attempts, was made prisoner in the Tower and declared 'outlaw'. In exile, he toured Italy with Boswell and an courtesan called Gertrude, finally returning to tempestuous triumph and a serene old age. As Lord Mayor of London, MP, duellist, lover, pioneer tourist to the Isle of Wight, early sponsor of animal rights, and darling of the London 'mob' and 'middling and inferior sets of people', Wilkes dominated the political scene of his day. By his fearless efforts John Wilkes established the freedom of the press, the rights of electors to chose their candidates for Parliament and the illegality of general arrest warrants. A staunch defender of the American Revolution and tireless thorn in the side of George III's autocratic and Scots dominated government, he was the last ( for a while ) English nationalist politician.

And he's a hero of mine.

My script focuses on Wilkes and his interaction with the politics and events of the day, whilst also lovingly dwelling on his menagerie of colourful acquaintances - like Charles Churchill, the bear-like poet/disreputable vicar; or the Chevalier D'Eon, a French transvestite duellist. There's also Wilkes' harpy wife, his string of strumpets and mistresses, the 'Hellfire Club' gang, the Dowager Queen who's having an affair with the Scottish Prime Minister, Bute - and a host of memorable - actual, historical - others.

In a nutshell, I had in mind a half hour per episode TV series featuring Mr Wilkes as its hero - and sometimes anti-hero. With a small-ish cast list and only internal sets, the series would constitute a pretty anarchic romp through history, all the time drawing parallels to up-to-date politics and life. If a gun was held to my head to enforce a comparison re the general 'tone, I would say 'a bit deeper and a bit wilder than 'Black Adder''. Or like 'Bilko' - only in the past and with more sex and politics ...

There's a lot of ideas on paper for future episodes, basically trawling through the implausibly eventful events of Wilkes' life. Foremost amongst them are:

'The Essay on Woman' - The pornographic verse Wilkes wrote and published in conjunction the Archbishop of Canterbury's son - which led to duels and imprisonment.
'Our Man in Constantinople' - Wilkes' convoluted attempts to become Britain's Ambassador to the Ottoman Empire and taste the vices of the Orient.
'Democracy' - Where Wilkes stands for election and arranges for a whole shipload of opposing voters to be diverted to Norway ( which he really did !).

And, just to give you a flavour of my own personal 'take' on the thing, here's my vision for the opening music and titles: Wilkes and lady-friend plus three or four other couples, stylishly dressed in gowns, silk frock coats, elaborate coiffeurs or powdered wigs, dance demurely to the sound of a spinet or harpsichord. Then, gradually, almost imperceptibly, the music changes in tempo and type - as does the dancing - to punky howling guitars ( say like the 'Buffy' theme or even 'The Sex Pistols' themselves ) and frenzied pogoing. The audience would realise that this was not going to be 'Northhanger Abbey' ...

As I said in the 'Dedication' to 'Downs-Lord Day' ( 2000 )

'To: John ( 'Wilkes and Liberty !' ) Wilkes ( 1727 - 1797 ) whose time has come again.'

'Give me a grain of truth and I will mix it up with a great mass of falsehood, so that no chemist shall ever be able to separate them !' John Wilkes.

Anyhow ...

I submitted this script to the BBC back in the latter part of 2000 and not long after a functionary actually rang me expressing enthusiasm. You need to be a toiling slave amongst the writing helot hordes to realise how rare that is. A reply of any sort, even 'go away you frightful oik: you're not dear, dear Stephen Fry', is a red letter day. Further details, re staging, re casting even ( ! ), were requested and speedily supplied. The daydreams of several succeeding weeks were thereby gilded.

And then, and then ... In a process all too familiar radio-silence gradually fell. Not dramatically, but gradually. If the relevant nerve endings weren't already dead, the feelings would have akin to those of an abandoned army. The High Command is sorry, embarrassed even ... but you're on your own, old chap. Don't lose heart, hold your ground till the last round and man ... Er ... just don't expect reinforcements dear boy.

My dark suspicions were reinforced. UK publishers and broadcasters aren't really media outlets or businesses. They're actually covert fanatic evangelists for the Stoic Philosophy. Their success rate puts Christianity and Islam to shame. Think it through. All modern writers are stoics - and if they aren't stoics to start with they soon become converts. The conspiracy extends to all current output too. You just try watching Saturday evening television or read what passes for modern 'Fantasy' fiction without recourse to stoicism. See what I mean ? So you've been subject to their indoctrination too ! And another thing ...

But I digress ...

Just to whet your jaded appetite, detailed below is the cast list itemising the colourful characters waiting in the wings, just dying to meet you.

Not only that, you lucky people, but generosity extends to two imagination-fuelling pictures, both by Hogarth, of the principal characters. Wilkes is depicted as the Devil ( complete with horned wig ) and Charles Churchill, his parson/poet best friend, is shown as a drunken bear in clerical garb. Hogarth's dog is centre stage, copiously peeing on a slim volume - or 'epistle' - geddit ? - of Churchill's verse. Which only goes to prove the truth of the Norman Douglas ( a really wicked old pagan ) quote in my 'Quote Qorner's batch the second'. The 18^th Century didn't mince its words like we do ....

And so, without further ado:

THAT DEVIL WILKES !

CAST LIST

[ Actual Historic Personages denoted in bold ]

JOHN WILKES. A rascal and politician. 1727 - 1797

THE REVEREND CHARLES CHURCHILL. Famous poet and Anglican cleric. A huge bear-like roisterer and talented, ferocious, versifier, notoriously caricatured by Hogarth. Rector of Raynham in Essex. 1731 - 1764

POUTING COMPANION. Mistress Betsy Carr of Struddleduck Hall, daughter of Sir Ogram Carr, Knight. A flighty, feisty piece, and wealthy heiress.

THE CHEVALIER D'EON aka. MADAME D'EON. A Frenchman, soldier, noted duellist and transvestite. WILKES's self-appointed fiery bodyguard.

LORD COBHAM or 'LORD GOBB'EM'. A tall, foppish, irresolute, MP, statesman and famous expectorant.

LORD HERVEY. An elderly and respectable MP.

INN-KEEPER.

PRIM GENTLEMAN. A Gentleman-traveller who is also prim.

SCOTS READER. An outraged Highlander in traditional dress.

KING'S MESSENGERS 1 & 2.

THE GAOLER of the Tower of London.

THE GAOLER'S LIVELY DAUGHTER

PLUS: VARIOUS SPEECHLESS SCOTCH WOMENFOLK, FOPS & DANDIES.

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