EPISODE 3:
What happens:  Another night in for the family and Jim is in a mood; mainly because Norma
will soon be coming to stay after her cataract operation, but also because Changing Rooms is
on. Dave and Denise have been to ante-natal classes and Antony has been out with Emma.
Antony gets lots of stick when he announces he now manages a band; Exit.
Others seen:  None.
Not seen:  Daft old Ernie, Joan, Exit(Ryan: vocals, Darren: bass, Tiggsy: drums, Lewis: ?).
What they watch:  Strike it Rich, Changing Rooms, Animal Hospital.
What they eat:  Clubs, Wagon Wheels and Penguins(Dave and Denise had spaghetti hoops
for tea, Jim and Barbara had chops).
Jim says My Arse:  Detector vans, Stencil, Smilie, Exit).
Magic Moments:  JIM(watching Changing Rooms): I wouldn't let old nancy-boy round
                              here for a kick-off.
                              BARBARA: Ooh. I think I might stencil our kitchen unit.
                              JIM: Stencil my arse. He would, there's nothing he'd like better than
                              to stencil my arse.
                              BARBARA: I wish he would. That'd keep you quiet.

                            BARBARA: Do you know who your dad reminds me of in
                              The Simpsons?
                              DENISE: Who?
                              BARBARA: Homo.
                              DAVE(laughing): Homo.
                              BARBARA: Ooh, look at his face. He doesn't like it when we laugh
                              at him, does he?
                              JIM: They're laughing at you, you dopey bugger. It's not homo, it's
                            Homer.

                              DAVE: So, is there only three in this band then?
                              ANTONY: No, there's Ryan's brother 'n'all.
                              DAVE: What does he play?
                              ANTONY: Well nowt, he's just gonna be dancing on stage, y'know,
                              like Bez out of the Happy Mondays - for a gimmick thing.
                              DAVE: What're you having that for? You don't want Lewis at the
                              side of the stage just arsing about, do you?
                              ANTONY: No, not really, but we have to - they're his amps what we
                              use.

EPISODE 4:
What happens: A slumbering Nana(plus eye-patch) has taken up residence on the sofa, much
to Jim's annoyance, Dave and Denise review a film they saw the night before and Cheryl eats
the family's supply of Clubs. Antony(now bleach-blonde) mourns the demise of Exit and
eventually storms out after more ribbing about Emma. When Norma eventually wakes, she drives Jim and Dave out to the Feathers.
Others seen:  Norma Speakman: LIZ SMITH, Cheryl Carroll: JESSICA STEVENSON.
Not seen:  Mary & Joe, Emma, Darren, Beverly Macca, Michael Crawford, Exit.
What they watch:  Tomorrow's World.
What they eat:  Club biscuits.
Jim doesn't say My Arse
Magic Moments:  DAVE(on film): Brilliant it was. This bloke kidnapped this woman and
                              drugged her, then tattooed her from the neck down.
                            BARBARA: Ooh, isn't it awful - when you weigh up? Was she a
                              young girl, Dave?
                              DAVE: Oh yeah. She was a model.
                              BARBARA: Was she? What was it called?
                              DAVE: Tattoo.
                              JIM(impersonating Tattoo from Fantasy Island):"Hey boss, the plane."
                              BARBARA: Oh, was he in it? That little dwarfy one?

                              JIM(on Norma): Today, she had a family size bag of bloody Revels
                              and did she offer me one? Did she shite. She sat there on her big fat
                              arse announcing every one that she put in her big fat gob.
                              "Oh, coconut! Oh, orange! Oh Malt-bloody-teaser..."
                              BARBARA: Oh, is that it then? We can't look after my own mother
                            because she wouldn't share a bag of Revels? Grow up Jim.
                       
                              JIM(mumbles): "Ooh, caramel, I think! No, wait, not caramel, coffee!
                              Coffee one, that was..." Greedy old cow...

EPISODE 5:
What happens:  Dave and Denise arrive to the aftermath of a row, Antony has already
walked out and Barbara soon follows, Jim blames it on 'the change'. The remaining members
of the family watch Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and Dave does his celebrity impressions.
Barbara eventually returns and Jim tries to make amends by offering to make tea the next day
until he realises it's the night of the darts final at the Feathers.
Others seen:  None.
Not seen:  Antony, Norma, Mary, Mrs Best, Duckers.
What they watch:  Animal Hospital, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.
What they eat:  Penguins.
Jim says My Arse:  Hard.
Dave says My Arse:  Motherhood.
Magic Moments:  BARBARA: Poor Antony, got no confidence - Jim's knocked it all
                              out of him, calling him a lanky streak of piss all the time.
                              DENISE: Well, well he has got a point there.

                              JIM: Tell you what, Dave, you should have seen her before. She's
                              gone too far this time.
                              DAVE: Why?
                              JIM: Bang. She just switched the bloody telly off.
                            DAVE: No need for that.

                              DAVE(as Roy Walker): "Say what you see, if you see it, say it. Say
                              what you see, if you see it, say it. Say what you see, if you see it, say it"
                              DENISE: Dave, stop it.
                              DAVE: I'm only saying what I see.
                              DENISE: But you're not seeing it, so stop saying it.