"Keith - ", they often ask me, "Keith, how come you're so adept at predicting market sector developments? - how, with an insightfulness akin to Warren Buffet's you advised us to forego the DotCom boom (Apr 2000), and to ditch our TelCo stocks (Jan 2001) just before they nosedived? And how come if you're so clever with the stock market and that you still never buy me a drink unless I waggle my empty glass right in front of your stupid face you tight sod?"

The answer is, yes you've guessed it, I'm not just tight, I'm a good guesser. Both attributes are acquired over years of dedicated training, and both are essential qualities required of a stock market pundit and share tipster.

Tightness is essential if you are to avoid the temptation to rashly buy into your own tips.

See, when it comes down to it, residential property in the South of England is the only game in town. But you carry on with your penny-shares, your USM and your new-technology gambling if it presses your button.