Phonetic alphabet - an alternative
Mike Peyton's Books - the funniest and most accurate observer of life at sea - as we see it
Accident Reports. It is important to log all incidents, here is an example report:
from the Master of a merchant ship who has a small incident
"It is with regret and haste that I write this letter
to you, regret that such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following
circumstances, and haste in order that you will get this report before you form
your own pre-conceived opinions from reports in the world press, for I am sure
that they will tend to overdramatise the affair.
We had just picked up the pilot and the apprentice had returned from changing
the 'G' flag for the 'H' and, it being his first trip, was having difficulty
rolling the 'G' flag up, I therefore proceeded to show him how. Coming to the
last part, I told him to "let go," the lad although willing is not too
bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper tone.
At this moment the chief officer appeared from the chart room, having been
plotting the vessel's progress and, thinking that it was the anchors that were
being referred to, repeated the "let go" to the third officer on the fo'c'sle.
The port anchor having been cleared away but not walked out, was promptly let
go. The effect of letting the anchor drop from the "pipe" while the
vessel was proceeding at full harbour speed proved too much for the windlass
brake, and the entire length of the port cable was pulled out "by the
roots." I fear that the damage to the chain locker may be extensive. The
braking effect of the port anchor naturally caused the vessel to sheer in that
direction, right towards the swing bridge that spans the tributary to the river
up which we were proceeding.
The swing bridge operator showed great presence of mind by opening the bridge
for my vessel. Unfortunately, he did not think to stop vehicular traffic, the
result being that the bridge partly opened and deposited a Volkswagen, two
cyclists, and a cattle truck on the foredeck. My ship's company are at present
rounding up the contents of the latter, which from the noise I would say were
pigs. In his efforts to stop the progress of the vessel, the third officer
dropped the starboard anchor, too late to be of practical use, for it fell on
the swing bridge operator's control cabin.
After the port anchor was let go and the vessel started to sheer, I gave a
double ring full astern on the engine room telegraph and personally rang the
engine room to order maximum astern revolutions. I was informed that the sea
temperature was 53 degrees and asked if there was a film tonight. My reply would
not add constructively to this report.
Up to now I have confined my report to the activities at the forward end of the
vessel. Down aft they were having their own problems.
At the moment the port anchor was let go, the second officer was supervising the
making fast of the after tug and was lowering the ship's towing spring down onto
the tug.
The sudden braking effect on the port anchor caused the tug to run in under the
stern of my vessel just at the moment when the propellers was answering my
double ring full astern. The prompt action of the second officer in securing the
inboard end of the towing spring delayed the sinking of the tug by some minutes,
and thereby the safe abandoning of that vessel.
It is strange but at the very same moment of letting go the port anchor there
was a power cut ashore. The fact that we were passing over a cable area at that
time might suggest we may have touched something on the river bed. It is perhaps
lucky that the high tension cables brought down by the foremast were not live,
possibly being replaced by the underwater cable, but owing to the shore
blackout, it is impossible to say where the pylon fell.
It never fails to amaze me the actions and behaviour of foreigners during
moments of minor crisis. The pilot for instance is at this moment huddled in the
corner of my day cabin alternately crooning to himself and crying after having
consumed a bottle of gin in a time that is worthy of inclusion in the Guinness
Book of Records.
The tug captain on the other hand reacted violently and had to be forcibly
restrained by the steward, who has him handcuffed in the ship's hospital, where
he is telling me to do impossible things with my ship and my crew.
I enclose the names and addresses of the drivers and insurance companies of the
vehicles on my foredeck, which the third officer collected after his somewhat
hurried evacuation of the fo'c'sle. These particulars will enable us to claim
for the damage that they did to the railing of the #1 hold.
I am enclosing this preliminary report for I am finding it difficult to
concentrate with the sound of police sirens and their flashing lights.
It is sad to think that had the apprentice realised that there is no need to fly
pilot flags after dark, none of this would have happened.
For weekly accountability report I will assign the following casualty numbers
T/750101 to T750119 inclusive.
Yours truly
Master"