HOW TO LOOK AFTER YOUR HUSBAND.

(Genuine extract from 1950 Home Economics Book)

Have dinner ready plan ahead even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good warm meal are part of a warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
Clear away the clutter, make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up any school books, toys etc. Then run the duster over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give a lift too.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimise the noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. be happy to see him. greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.
Some don'ts. Don't greet him with complaints or problems. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared to what he may have gone through that day.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lay down in the bedroom. Have a cooling drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak to him in a low, soft voice. Allow him to relax and unwind
Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him speak first.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead try to understand his world and pressure, his need to be home and relaxed.

THE GOAL: try to make your home a place of peace of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

HOW TO LOOK AFTER YOUR HUSBAND IN 1996.

Have a fag hanging out of your mouth when he comes home, shout at him "where the fucking hell have you been all day?" I've had the kids under my feet and the dog has just crapped on the hall carpet.
Never prepare yourself; have plenty of gob, bits of dried food and snot on your clothes and good sweat patches around the armpits. Squeeze any zits on face just before he arrives and make sure that any make-up that you may have had time to apply is well smudged.
Prepare the children, make sure that they are screaming by the time he walks in. Ensure that at least one of them has a mucous ridden face and/or a foul smelling bottom.
Do not have any dinner ready, scream at him - "what happened to my last ten quid you drunken bastard?" preferably whilst throwing a full ashtray at him.
Tell him the bog is blocked yet again by his filthy french letters, call Dynorod and tell him he is never having sex again as you are getting enough from the milkman.
Let him know that the dog has just warmed his dinner for him, it is now steaming on the carpet.
Pass on the message from the old slapper round the corner - he has got to go to the Clinic for a swab.
Wait until his grubby hands reach to grope you in bed, then tell him you have written off the car.
When he walks in on pay-day say "give me your money you tight fisted bastard, the phone bill is Ł300, the kids need new shoes and I owe the Avon lady Ł36."
When he says "fuck off" tell him his dick is minuscule and it is true what they say about black men.