TALIBAN T.V.

Only available on Sky Digitaliban

6.00G-Had TV. Morning prayers.
8.30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
9.00Shouts of Praise. More prayers.
11.00Jihad's Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
12.00Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
12.30Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over the world.
13.30Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
14.00Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
14.30 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
15.00Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions.'Starter for ten, no praying.'
15.30I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
16.00Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
17.00 Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
17.30 Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
18.00 Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
18.30Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
19.00Who wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
20.00FILM: Shariah's Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
21.30Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
22.30Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
23.30They think its Allah over. Quiz culminating in the 'don't feel the Mullah' round.
0.00When Imams attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
12.30 a.m.The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
1.30Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
2.00A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again.