More Amusing Stories from Newspapers
Forget PG Tips, I prefer Coca-Cola
A female chimpanzee surprised zookeepers by buying a drink from a vending machine.
Staff said the six-year-old, named Chiko, picked up a coin, inserted it into a slot and pressed a button. Despite her achievement, Chiko was unable to enjoy her drink at Tama Zoological Park in Tokyo because another chimp grabbed it from her.
Last year the zoo began experiments to see if chimps could learn from the behaviour of visitors. A small tray was fitted to the drinks machine to make it easier for chimps to insert coins, as their forefingers and thumbs are farther apart than those of humans.
The zoo's 17 chimps have also learned how to insert a branch into the holes of an artificial anthill to reach honey. A spokesman said: 'It is only a matter of time before the other chimpanzees start buying drinks from the vending machine.
(Metro, February 8th, 2001)
Lions Eat Activists Trying to Save Them
An animal rights demo against cruelty to lions ended in tragedy - when three of the protesters were eaten by the animals they were trying to save.
The unlucky trio were among 400 activists fighting to stop development plans at an African game park.
"These people though they were helping the lions," said a ranger. "But in fact their presence was deeply irritating to them.
It is not hard to conclude that they should have left well alone."
The three were among the a crowd trying to stop bulldozers moving onto the Gonarezhou reserve in Zimbabwe. When a pride of lions approached them at one of the park gates no one realised the animals were agitated.
"A lion in stress twitches its tail in a certain way," said the ranger. "Unfortunately these people were townsfolk and unable to recognise the signals." After the protesters were eaten, police warned frightened demonstrators that the elephants in the park - which straddles the border between Zimbabwe and Mozambique - might be after them too.
"The elephants have it in for people here," said a police spokesman.
One local villager was picked up by an elephant's trunk. His body was eventually found five miles away.
"It had been bashed against every tree and rock on the way."
(News of the World, October 22nd, 2000)
Curse of the Profane Parrot.
A foul-mouthed Royal Navy parrot was locked up when a defence chief visited a warship because officers feared its language would offend him. But Sunny, an 18-month old African Grey, refused to be gagged and let out a string of expletives from an annexe to the officers' mess.
The outburst was clearly audible during a flying visit to the frigate Lancaster by Admiral-in-chief Alan West. The admiral was reported to be "perplexed" as the parrot fired off catchphrases from "The Fast Show" television comedy, as well as a few choice swear words.
Sunny, the ship's mascot, also squawked: "Zulus ... thousands of 'em!" Admiral West was conducting a briefing in the officers mess when Sunny announced its presence with the word "arse" swiftly followed by "bollocks."
It's repertoire includes whistling the theme tune to "The Great Escape" and the cry: "You ain't seen me, right?"
Ratings are believed to have taught the bird to swear during Lancaster's six-month tour of the Persian Gulf.
(Daily Telegraph, June 22nd, 2001)
Shorts
Visitors to Longforth Road public toilets might be interested to know they are now being powered by wind.
(Wellington Weekly News)
June 10-16: Open Bowels Tournament Teignmouth.
(Events Leaflet for South Devon)
If Tesco, BHS, ASDA and others can supervise toilets effectively, it's time our council got to the bottom of the matter.
(Wrexham Leader)
I really cannot read what Harbhajan is doing between his balls.
(Radio 4 Commentator Henry Blofeld, on the pre-delivery wrist exercises of Indian off-spin bowler Habhajan Singh.)
From the new Wembley Stadium website: "There will be 2,000 toilets in the stadium, more than any other building in Britain. Inside the bowl, fans will be pleasantly surprised by the amount of space they have.
(Lav of luxury, from the Daily Telegraph)
A plastic reindeer in a South African shopping mall's display lost the shiny golden Christmas tree baubles hanging between its hind legs after complaints from shoppers.
(Rudolph loses his sparkle, from the Daily Telegraph)