"People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -Anon
"Resistance is useless! (If < 1 ohm)" -Anon
"Reality is an illusion created by alcoholic deficiency." -Anon
"If you aren't part of the solution, you're a precipitate." -Anon
"Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce." -Anon
"Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time." -Anon
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it." -Anon
"Some women get excited about nothing and then marry him." -Anon
"You're never too old to learn something stupid." -Anon
"It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way." -Anon
"A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right." -Anon
"If hackers ran the world, there'd be no war--lots of accidents, maybe." -Anon
"Hard work never killed anybody...but why take chances?" -Anon
"Hire a teenager while they still know it all." -Anon
"When everything comes your way, you're in the wrong lane." -Anon
"Know thyself. If you need help, call the CIA." -Anon
"Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat." -Anon
"One good turn gets most of the blanket." -Anon
"I had an IQ test. The results came back negative." -Anon
"A guy walked into a bar. He was treated for minor injuries." -Anon
"God Bless America, but God help Canada to put up with them!" -Anon
"The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train." -Anon
"So many cheques, so little money." -Anon
"Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser." -Anon
"Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in pain." -Anon
"As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841." -Anon
"On the other hand, you have different fingers." -Anon
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder." -Anon
"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three." -Anon
"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense." -Anon
"Drag the Joneses down to your level. It's cheaper." -Anon
"When all else fails, follow instructions." -Anon
"If you think nobody cares, miss a couple of payments." -Anon
"Murphy's Law only fails when you try to demonstrate it." -Anon
"Honour thy error as hidden intention." -Anon
"Don't judge a book by its movie." -Anon
"Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking." -Anon
"In case of doubt, make it sound convincing." -Anon
"Practice makes perfeckt." -Anon
"If an experiment works, something has gone wrong." -Anon
"If at first you don't succeed...forget skydiving." -Anon
"Love thine enemies...it really pisses them off." -Anon
"Everyone loves a moose. Some just don't know it." -Anon
"A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy." -Anon
"If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people." -Anon
"Change is inevitable, except from vending machines." -Anon
"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." -Anon
"Sex is nobody's business but the three people involved." -Anon
"A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing and say your mother." -Anon
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the Universe together." -Carl Zwanig
"If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool." -Anon
"No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong." -Anon
"You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever." -Anon
"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer." -Anon
"Start off every day with a smile and get it over with." -Anon
"There are two times I feel stress--day and night." -Anon
"A good pun is its own reword." -Anon
"Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life." -Anon
"When it comes to thought some people stop at nothing." -Anon
"Don't use a big word where a diminutive word will suffice." -Anon
"A steak a day keeps the cows dead." -Anon
"All general statements are false." -Anon
"Hellrung's Law: If you wait, it will go away." -Anon
"Every silver lining has a cloud." -Anon
"The real world is a special case." -Anon
"Langsam's Law: Everything depends." -Anon
"Most people deserve each other." -Anon
"Never tell them what you wouldn't want to do." -Anon
"Silence is one great art of conversation." -Anon
"Nostalgia is okay but not what it used to be." -Anon
"Statistics show every two minutes another statistic is created." -Anon
"There is more room in your head for thoughts than thoughts in your head for room." -Anon
"The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread." -Anon
"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it." -Anon
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." -Anon
"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." -Anon
"There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't" -Anon
"The colder the X-Ray tube the more of your body is required on it" -Anon
"Being Superstitious brings bad luck" -Anon
"Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, according to Webster's" -Anon "Get the facts first, then panic" -Anon
"The reward for a job well done is more work" Anon
"One day when I saw a starving child shivering in the cold I looked up to heaven angrily and said 'God, how could you allow suffering like this?'. There was a long silence, and then I heard these words, 'I did, I made you!'" -Anthony DeMello
"The pen is mightier than the sword, until it runs out of ink" Anon
"Patience will come to he who waits for it" -Anon
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up" -Anon
"Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether" -Anon
"What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over" -Anon
"When in doubt, give advice" -Anon
"After all is said and done, usually more is said" -Anon
"All that glitters has a high refractive index" -Anon
"Three can keep a secret, if two are dead" -Anon
"Fool proof implies a finite number of fools" -Anon
"Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers." -Anon
"Money can't buy everything. That's what credit cards are for." -Anon
"The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know." -Anon
"Nothing is so smiple that it can't be screwed up." -Anon
"Anything that kills you makes you...well, dead." -Anon
"Two wrongs don't make a right--three lefts do." -Anon
"A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame." -Anon
"The problem that infuriates you most is often the one God put you here to solve" -Gareth Littler
"Behind every successful man stands a woman waiting for his job." -Anon
"A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead." -Anon
"Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye." -Anon
"After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat." -Anon
"Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents." -Anon
"Be alert...the world needs more lerts." -Anon
"For every problem there is a simple solution, and it's always wrong." -Anon
"Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana." -Groucho Marx
"Gravity always wins." -Anon
"We are the people our parents warned us about." -Jimmy Buffett
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism." -Anon
"No one is listening until you make a mistake." -Anon
"If you can remember the '60s, then you weren't there." -Anon
Copyright (c) 1997-98 David Borenstein, all rights reserved unless otherwise noted.