Tubby Custard

Original at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/education/teletubbies/tubbies.htm

Teletubbies eat Tubby Custard as a special treat. Sometimes it is very runny. Noo-Noo has to clean up their Tubby Custard footprints after them!

You will need:
A Sachet of Custard mix (70g-100g)
Red or Pink food colouring (available from any supermarket for as little as 39p)
A Measuring Jug
A Kettle
A Fork or Hand Whisk

Have you washed your hands?
Do you have a grown-up helper?
Good, then you're ready to begin...

Empty your sachet of custard mix into your measuring jug.
Ask your grown-up helper to switch on the kettle. When the water has boiled, ask your helper to pour it into the measuring jug, filling it to the 3/4 pt or 425ml level. The water is very, very hot - so please make sure a grown-up does this for you.
Then, using your fork or whisk, stir the water and the custard mix together. Keep stirring until all the custard powder disappears and the mixture looks nice and smooth. If it looks too thick, ask your grown-up helper to pour in a bit more water.

Now for the exciting bit! Carefully put 2 or 3 drops of your food colouring into the custard and quickly stir it in.
Hey presto! Your custard is pink! You've made some special Tubby Custard!
There should be enough Tubby Custard here to fill 3 or 4 bowls.
Now all you need is a straw to drink your custard through!

Notes:
You could also put strawberry flavouring into your Tubby Custard.
- Kat

Security Notice from the
Jack Parsons Died For Your Sins Society
Designated: URGENT

The TeleTubbies are an evil construct, devised by a NWO plant deep inside the BBC. They are designed to desensitize very young children to the Greys.
(Just look at them...)
Teletubbies are MAGNITUDES more evil than Barney.
Tubbies must die.

End Security Notice
Fr. L.D.Funquiebutt

Tubby Custard may be used as part ov an offering for Shub-Niggurath and hir thousand young. All you need to do is get a knife from the kitchen. Not when your grown up helper is watching laa laa says so or else you might get in trouble, Shub Niggurath the black goat of the woods wouldn't like this.

Have you washed your hands?
Good Tellietubbies know that you dont want bacteria on your offerings to Shub-Niggurath.

Now blindfold your Grown Up helper. Make sure the blindfold is not to tight or your grown up helper might lose blood circulation to the head and pass out before you goto your secret ritual circle in the woods. Now you put the custard down on your altar and take out your knife that you borrowed from the kitchen.
Carefully cut from your grownup helper through to hir private parts. Let hir blood drip into the custard bowls and say:
I evoke thee Shub-Niggurath,
I evoke thee black goat of the woods with a thousand young,
I evoke thee,
Come to me great outer god,
I evoke thee,
Come Shub-Niggurath,
Come,
I Give unto you the blood of life,
in a nice and tastee custurd,
Come now and grant me what i wish,
I evoke thee Shub-Niggurath
I evoke thee.

Now it is very important that you recite thease words exactly or else Shub-Niggurath might get angry. But we all know that deep down inside Shub-Niggurath is a kind and gentle outer god who will aid us in everything we need.
(Note: Sometimes you will find that there are no grownup helpers to assist you. Thatis okay. Your teachers and classmates will do just fine. Shub-Niggurath loves children.)

- Frater OneSickMotherFucker A.K.A. THRAKAZOG (NOT OF THIS EARTH)

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