Cracked Eggs 2:Irrationality in Theory and Practice

Cracked Eggs 2
Irrationality in Theory and Practice

Magick For Candles
Magicks of this variety are often sought by neophytes, who come to us with pleading eyes, saying "masters, we need a spell for candles". Thus, we feel it to be our solemn duty to provide such a rite.

Ye Rite To Summon Forth Ye Candles
First obtain ye discs or papers of number.
Then venture ye forth from thy place of dwelling and hie ye unto ye emporium of thinges general.
Enter ye unto the emporium and offer up thy disks and papers to the infernal demonic fiend of the pit that ye will find therein.
Now, and only now, must ye recite the ancient and secret words:
"I'd like a box of candles please"

That should get you some candles...
...by the way, what do you lot want them for anyway?
The Power Of Spam
Kitzilla, Small, Fierce and SPAM-like!

SPAM is one of the most powerful, yet most underrated and overlooked, dual godforms in the PopCult pantheon. The SPAM archetype resonates like a mighty subsonic *thrummmmmmmm* throughout my wee little life.

In its "Virgin" aspect, SPAM represents what can only be compared to the Taoist concept of "The Uncarved Block." In it's pure, pink, rectangular form, it encompasses the unlimited potential of the spirit. SPAM is very useful for those who wish to practice shape-shifting. It's "true" name, translated from the ancient Sumerian, means "Specially Processed Amalgam-Meat," thus in its all-as-one aspect, it can be carved and molded into any shape, real or imagined (and it's the perfect medium for sigil magick!-- simply carve'n'eat your SOI. Eat enough SPAM and you're guaranteed to reach a permanent state of gnosis!) A SPAM-adept can attest that with careful practice, the devout can turn hirself into just about anything. But one must be concientious and repectful when working with SPAM. Prolonged ritual ingestion of SPAM can cause even the most experienced SPAM-mage can become permanently physically altered by this powerful entity. The usual signs of ritual SPAM abuse include a sky-rocketing choletserol level, obesity and sallow complexion.

In its "Crone" aspect, it is a sort of revenant, and can be placed among the underworld or "dark" gods, as it takes its substance from unwanted and otherwise useless pieces of dead flesh (although the words "pig lips, horse feet and dog anuses" do not explicitly appear on the list of ingredients, let's face it, folks: you *know* they're in there!); thus, invoking SPAM in its dark aspect can be quite useful in malefica and death magick. Besides, there's the simple fact that if you eat too much of it, you will, indeed and without doubt, die of msg poisoning and clogged arteries.

Think of using SPAM in rituals where you must integrate some sort of stark dichotomy. SPAM is clearly an embodiment of the "Virgin-Whore" complex: pure death and destruction masquerading as soft, pink, palatable Americana. Do not underestimate the Power of SPAM.
Moles: An Illuminatus Plot?

Moles. Harmless little sun-blind, burrowing, furry things, or emissaries of the Iluminati?
You remember that you're supossed to bury the money in the garden? (If you don't know, don't ask). How do THEY get it once it is buried? The answer: moles.
Yes, moles. Once believed to be harmless, these mound-making mammals can be found in the employ of many organisations and secret societies, including the Iluminati, the IOT, and the Z(Clu...

Ed note: These hurridly scrawled notes were found in a desk drawer of a renowned metaphysisist (who shall here remain nameless) shortly after he disappeared under mysterious circumstances. We consider this note an interesting curiosity, but we have severe doubts as to it's validity. Needless to say, we are not remotely affiliated with any of the organisations mentioned.
STOP PRESS!!!
Further Revelations About Barney, The Supreme Evil
(see Cracked Eggs issue 1 "Magick for the Functionally Insane")

  • Start with the given:
     CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR

  • Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway):
     CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR

  • Extract all Roman Numerals:
     C V V L D I V

  • Convert into Arabic values:
     100 5 5 50 500 1 5

  • Add all the numbers:
     666

    This proves that The Supreme Evil is indeed the Biblical Beast of the Apocalypse, finally giving the Bible it's first accurate prophecy.
    Sites Which Seek To Combat and To Reveal The Truth About The Supreme Evil
    Sites decrying the evil of this beast may be found all over the internet. I do not always agree with the stances these sites take on the Evil One, but here is a selection of those brave souls who seek to reveal this Evil for what it really is.

    Barney Is Pure Evil
    The Jihad To Destroy Barney
    Into The Purple Abyss - prophecies of the Evil One's malevolence
    The Barney Fun Page - essential practice for all shock troops in the war against the Evil One
    Tasha's Kill Barney Page - features a simulation of combat with the Evil One
    Resident Barney - a simulation of the Evil One's tactics
    Barney Will Die - a tactical description of the means by which the Evil One may be eliminated
    alt.satannet.barney
    Back to Kaotika
    Back To Main Page