The Git'ard Evil Muthafucka Black Magician Test

Version 1.1 (29/7/99)

• Is your wardrobe dominated by clothing in fetching combinations of black, red, and purple?
• Do you wear a pentagram? (inverted, obviously)
• An inverted cross?
• A chaosphere? (bonus point if you've actually managed to come up with a method of inverting a chaosphere)
• A Z-Star of any description?
• Do you own a bone-handled walking stick?
• Does your name EITHER have any numbers in it, or involve the names of at least 2 demons or equatable entities?
• Do you own a coffin?
• Have you had artificial fangs put in? (bonus point if they're metallic)
• Do you have any sigils on your leather jacket?
• Do you have less than 5 tattoos or piercings? (detract one point for each one below five)
• Do you own a Cuddly Cthulhu? (sold over the net by The Outsider)

• How many different illegal substances do you take? (1 point for each)
  
• Do you shoot up?
  
• Is your accustomed sexual possition spreadeagled over the altar with a black candle up your arse?
  
• Do you frequent any S&M clubs?
  
• Have you performed at any S&M clubs?
  
• Do you bait Christians, Moslems, or Wiccans?
  
• How many Magical Orders do you belong to? (1 point each, includes those which consist solely of you and your imaginary friends)
  
• Are you the Head of any of these Orders?
  
• How many of these Orders have expelled you? (Bonus point if you were also the Head of the Order.)
  
• Add two bonus points if you refuse to have any part in magickal orders.
  
• Does your family think you're going to Hell?
  
• Does your family think you're dead?
  
• Subtract one point for every relative you are on speaking terms with. (limit 10)
  
• How many dark-side or chaos-oriented e-mail lists are you on? (1 point each)
  
• When traveling, do you plan your route so you can crash at other magicians' homes?
  
• Do you live in the bad part of town?
  
• Are the local street gangs scared of you?
  
• Have you ever been arrested for carrying your magickal sword around?
• Have you contributed to a sinister path or chatote 'zine or newsletter?
• Have you edited one of the aforementioned 'zines or newsletters? (Bonus point if you had to do the whole thing yourself.)
• Would you bid at auction for Austin Osman Spare's laundry lists?
• Would you win the auction?
• Can you speak Sumerian?
• Can you say 'Phnglui Mgwlnafh Chthulhu Rlyeh Wgahnagl Fhtagn' in several amusing accents?

• How many servitors do you have active at this moment? (one point for each, and no making extra ones on the spur of the moment just to do well in the test)
• Do you think that banishing is for wimps?
• Do you have a nice big wand (or, for chicks, a nice deep chalice)?
• Can you speak fluent Ouranian Barbariq?
• Is your aura so dark that no-one can actually see you any more?
• Do you think that the Demon Choronzon is just misunderstood?
• Can you pronounce The Lord's Prayer backwards?
• Have you ever performed LaVey's Werewolf Rite?
• Have you seriously considered the magickal and social usefulness of human sacrifice?
• Have you ever been accused of being a member of the Black Brotherhood?
• Are you?

• How many books on chaos magick do you own? (1 point each & a bonus for any of them are first edition pamphlets by someone like Phil Hine)
  
• Do you own any hard copy texts put out by the Order of the Nine Angles?
  
• How many hard copy dictionaries of demons do you own?
• Do you keep them on the shelf with the telephone directories?
  
• Do you own a copy of The Satanic Bible? (no points, unless you stole it from a public library)
• How many books by Terry Pratchett do you own? (1 point each)
  
• How many versions of the Necronomicon do you own? (1 point each)
  
• Have you ever written a Fakeronomicon?
  
• Do you actually have a copy of the REAL Necromicon?
  

• Have you seen 'Hellraiser'?
  
• Have you ever tried using the Cenobytes as god forms?
  
• How many Kenneth Anger films have you seen? (One point each, limit eight since that's all there are!)
  
• Did you understand any of them?
  
• Do you own a copy of "Magog Agog" by Choronzon?
  
• Do you own a copy of "Black Aria" by Glenn Danzig?
  
• Have you ever worn out a copy of Orff's Carmina Burana? (bonus point if it was a CD)
  
• How many H.R. Giger prints do you own? (1 point each)
  
• Did you ever send fan letters to Fields of the Nephilim pointing out errors in the research?
• Do you watch 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' and pick holes in it for the innacuracies in the occult phenomena it portrays?

• How do you spell a two letter preposition meaning "belonging to"?
  
• How do you spell the definite article?
• Do you know what the "J." in Peter J. Carroll stands for?
  
• Can you name at least 3 Lovecraftian entities?
  
• Do you know what the fuck the Ice Magic wars were all about?
• On what charge was a head of the ONA arrested in 1998?
  
• Who coined the phrase "Nothing is true, Everything is permitted"?
  
• Name as many of Peter Carroll's personalities and alter-egos as you can. (1 point for each)
  

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