Christian Baiting

Christian Baiting: The Game

For Those Of You That Can't Tell: This Is A Work Of Humour.
The authors and publishers bear no responsibily for any illegal actions carried out by such people who may choose to practince anything in this document.
Happy Easter!
Here's a nice way to celebrate Nazarene Features' death. It was originally written for Easter, one of the major christian hunting seasons but can be done any time. It's really inane and childish but is worth its weight in cheap laughs especially when on substances (don't keep 'em on you if you're out to cause a fight - stash them nearby if you must).
Get 2 or more people. Sit outside a church (we have 8 within walking distance) as people are going in or out. And basically talk loudly amongst yourselves about how the Xtian religion is a load of crap and how christians are stupid bastards. Anything to get a passing Xtian to make a comment at which point you lay into their philosophy.
I Want To See The Management Here - NOW!!!
A friend of ours once went into a church round here and demanded to see the management (i.e. god) in order to complain. Somewhat unsurprisingly, god was unavailable.
Christian Baiting On IRC
On your regular IRC server (our usual one is Undernet), do a '/list' for the words 'Jesus', 'Christian', 'Christ', and so on. Go into these channels, preferably with 1 or more partner in crime. If you have a home channel it might be an idea to use the '+s' command on it if you can. You might also want to use a different nick (use the '/nick' command to change this).
You can then 'be' anything you want to be. This can actually be quite an interesting exercise in paradigm shifting. You can be an ultra fundamentalist christian, a christian of a sort no usually found on channel, a drug addict going cold turkey and seeking help for hir good Xtian brethren, someone trying to have 'reasonable and polite' debate on christianity, or a plain unsophisticated spammer. Here are some scoring suggestions:

5 points for making a really insulting comment
10 points for being given a warning as to your behaviour
15 points for being given a private warning from an op about your behaviour
25 points for getting banned from an Xtian channel
30 points for having a good argument, plus 10 points for definitively winning it (includes them giving up)

Christian channels on undernet include:
#church
#christchurch
#kiwichurch
#FullGospel
#jesus=grace
#Jesus_Chat
#Jesus_Connect
#jesus_freaks
#Jesus_Rocks
#Jesus101
#JesusCares
#JesusFreaks
#JesusLives
#christian
#Christian&Single
#Christian-Chat
#Christian-debate
#christian-moms
#Christian-Music
#Christian_Cafe
#Christian_CoffeeHouse
#christian_fellowship
#Christian_Fun
#Christian_Life
#Christian_Music
#christian_singles
#christian_stronghold
#Christian_Teens
#christian_worship
#Christianity
#ChristianNet
#christians
#christianteens
N.B. These channels are subject to regular change and nonexistance, so do your own searches and see what you drag up.
Also note, there are a string of #jesus irc channels that are actually the exact opposite of christian channels.
Christian Baiting On The Net
Okay, go and surf the net. Look for Xtian sites and discussion groups.
Leave notes in the Guest Books, talk to people, e-mail people.
I tend to be horribly reasonable about the whole thing others just like offending people but whatever you do try and undermine their religious beliefs. Don’t start off really blatantly but gradually introduce things into the conversation. This requires patience but can reap bountiful rewards of laughter.
You probably won’t get many return mails so here is a scoring method.

1 pointfor every mildly confrontational or time wasting mail sent to an Xtian
5 pointsfor each noticeable confrontational mail sent to an Xtian
10 pointsfor an answer to a confrontational mail plus an extra 2 points if they ask you to repent and take Jesus into your life
15 pointsfor a reply to your second mail answering their mail and 10 points for each of the subsequent 2 mails
30 pointsIf you get no further mails after your second - YOU HAVE WON
50 pointsfor getting a good conversation/argument/debate about religion going with them (5 mails or more from them)
200 points for converting an Xtian (plus loads of Demonic Brownie Points) - YOU HAVE WON BIG TIME

N.B. we don't really give a shit about what you convert christians to. That isn't the point. Convert 'em to Wicca, Buddhism, Satan-worship, whatever - we couldn't care less.
Scores For Christian Baiting In The Real World

1 pointfor getting funny looks off 'em
5 pointsfor obviously irritating a Christian
5 pointsfor jostling an Xtian
10 pointsfor arguing with an Xtian
10 pointsfor making an Xtian stumble
15 pointsfor insulting an Xtian plus 2 for swearing at them
20 pointsfor tripping an Xtian
25 pointsfor having a christian give you a piece of their mind with regards to your actions or appearance and an extra 5 points for completely taking the piss out of them during this conversation (it's not difficult so no high points scores there)
25 pointsfor arguing with an Xtian IN A CHURCH (or equivalent) 1/2 points in church grounds
25 pointsfor spitting in an Xtian’s face
30 pointsfor insulting an Xtian IN A CHURCH (or equivalent) 1/2 points in church grounds
40 pointsfor selling back to a christian something that is Xtian in origin, e.g. bits of the true cross (i.e. matchsticks), holy water (i.e. Finchley Tap Water), holy garments (i.e. any old rubbish clothes you happen to have). NB: the real advantage of this is not the points but the money
50 pointsfor swearing at an Xtian to it's face in a church (or equivalent) 1/2 points in church grounds
200 pointsfor converting an Xtian see net version.
+15 pointsis the Xtian is a nun, monk, or equivalent
+25 pointsif the Xtian is priest or equivalent
+50 pointsif the Xtian is a bishop or equivalent
+ 5 pointsif the Xtian is an archbishop
200 pointsfor snogging a nun, etc. Horrible thought, but why do you think it’s worth so many points?
500 pointsfor shagging a nun, etc.
500 pointsfor spitting on a prominent evangelist
1000 pointsplus a free 4-pack of lager of your choice for spitting on the Pope.

Points are invalid if you get arrested for the actions scoring them.
The authors' names have been removed for their own good. All scores and suggestions may be sent to The Kaos Project at Lilith.Kaos@btinternet.com
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