SOME WISE WORDS

1. "In God we trust and everything else we check."--Air pilot's creed.

2. Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.

3. French general during the French Revolution seeing the mobs rampaging through the streets of Paris said: "I must follow them because I am their leader."

4. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

5. If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the opposite direction.

6. "He who marries the spirit of the age today will be a widower tomorrow."--William Inge (Dean of St Paul's Cathedral)

7. "The one who does not remember history is bound to live through it again."--George Santayana (Auschwitz)

8. "Make things as simple as possible, but not more simple than they are."--Albert Einstein

9. It is better to keep quiet and have people think you are a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt.

10. How little our fathers know! So wise we grow. No doubt our sons will think us so.

11. A moment's haste and a lifetime's regret.

12. Canute would have been a powerful king if the tide had been going out!

13. If you run after two hares, you will catch neither.

14. Fling enough dirt and some will stick.

15. The moth that plays too long in the candle singes his wings.

16. Fine words butter no parsnips.

17. To fall into sin is human. To remain in sin is devilish.

18. No fool like an old fool.

19. The liar is not believed when he speaks the truth.

20. A friend to everybody is a friend to nobody.

21. A woman marries a man hoping to change him. A man marries a woman hoping she won't. Both are unrealistic.--Jerry Springer (TV, 16 Sept. 1999)

22. What's mine is my own; what's yours is negotiable!"--Russian proverb

23. "If something can go wrong, it will."--Murphy's Law

24. When you sow a thought you reap a word.

   When you sow a word you reap an action.

   When you sow an action you reap a habit.

   When you sow a habit you reap a character.

   When you sow a character you reap a destiny.

25. THAT'S THE FIRST TIME!

The father of the bride was proud of her new husband who had a reputation of never having lost his temper. On their honeymoon they went on a mule trek together. The young husband's mule decided to take a rest and refused to move forward.

The husband got off the mule walked to the front, tapped the mule on the nose, and said, "That's the first time." And on they went.

After an hour the mule stopped again. The husband went round to the front, tapped the mule on the nose and said, "That's the second time."

When it stopped for the third time, he went round to the front, took out his revolver and shot it between the eyes.

The young bride exploded in rage at this senseless cruelty. He let her get all her anger out in a tirade of abuse, and when she was finished he tapped her on the nose, and said, "That's the first time."!!

26. HE CHOSE THE CLOWN. Soren Kierkegaard relates the following story.

A circus tent was on fire. The circus owner quickly sent a messenger into the big tent to tell the people to get out quickly. This message sent the people into roars of laughter. The messenger went hurrying out to the circus owner in distress. The owner sent him back in with strict instructions to be more urgent in warning the people to get out. But the more he urged the more they laughed. Soon the flames did engulf the tent and many died. Why did they not heed the warnings? The owner chose the wrong messenger to convey a serious message--he chose the clown.

27. BIBLE EXPLAINS COMMENTARY

A vicar wanted to help an elderly parishioner who had come to Christ late in life. In order to help him catch up with his Christian knowledge he lent him a modern commentary. Some time later the vicar met him and asked him how he was getting on with his reading. He replied, "It is a very difficult book, but I find that the Bible sometimes throws light on it."

28. SINLESS HUSBAND

A vicar asked his congregation for anyone to stand up who was sinless. One man stood up. He was asked by a surprised vicar if he was sinless. "No," he replied, "I'm standing as a proxy for my wife's first husband!" (In other words the first husband was "sinless" and such a pain to follow!)

29. Two Frenchmen lived in England for many years. One decided to become a British citizen/national much to the disgust of his companion. After he got his British passport his companion said in a snearing voice: "Well, what difference does it make now?" His companion replied, "Yesterday, Waterloo was a defeat; today it is a victory!"

30. LOOKING ON THE POSITIVE SIDE

A father received a very bad school report on his son's final exams. His son thought he was in for a hiding, but his father simply held it out at arm's length and said: "Well, with a report like that you couldn't have been cheating!"

31. WISE ADVICE TO YOUNG CHRISTIANS

Abstract from Thomas Fuller, Good Thoughts in Bad Times (London, 1646, pp. 82-84). To God:

"I discover an arrant laziness in my soul. For when I am to read a chapter in thy Bible, before I begin it, I looke where it endeth. And if it endeth not on the same side, I cannot keepe my hands from turning over the leaf, to measure the length thereof on the other side; If it swels to many Verses I begin to grudge. Surely my heart is not rightly affected. Were I truely hungry after heavenly food, I would not complaine of the greatest messe of meat. Scourge, Lord, this laziness out of my Soul, make the reading of thy Word, not a penance, but a pleasure unto me, teach me that as amongst many heaps of Gold, all being equally pure, this is the best, which is the biggest, so I may esteem that Chapter in thy Word the best that is the longest." (I found this little book [4 inches by 1.5 by 0.5 inches thick] in Cambridge University Library [book ref. no: Keynes A.6.30]. The spelling and punctuation is as printed.)

32. WISE ADVICE TO SCHOLARS

Abstract from Augustine, Sermons on Selected Subjects of the New Testament. Vol. I, S. Matthew, S. Mark, S. Luke (Oxford: John Henry Parker, 1844), Sermon 1, p. 32.

"But, above all things, remember this; not to be disturbed by the Scriptures which you do not yet understand, nor be puffed up by what you do understand; but what you do not understand, with submission wait for, and what you do understand, hold fast with charity."

33. Abstract from Augustine, Writings in Connection with the Manichaean Heresy. Vol. V. The Works of Aurelius Augustine (ET by R. Stothert. Editor, Marcus Dods; Edinburgh: T. & T. Clark, 1872), p. 196.

"If we are perplexed by an apparent contradiction in Scripture, it is not allowable to say, The author of this book is mistaken; but either the manuscript is faulty, or the translation is wrong, or you have not understood."

34. To err is human, but to foul things up completely requires a computer.

35. Out of the gloom a voice said unto me, "Smile and be happy: things could be worse." So I smiled and was happy and behold, things did get worse!

36. If you are what you eat, then don't eat cabbages.--LMF

37. We are all born displaced persons. The task of life is to find our place in God's universe.--LMF

38. There are fools, scholars, and scholarly fools.--LMF

39. Engrossed professor: "I have no more interest in what goes into my body, than I have in what leaves it."

40. How do you tell the difference between an introvert and an extrovert nerd [computer expert]? Answer: the extrovert nerd looks at your shoes when talking to you.

41. SS officer to fellow officer outside a gas chamber in Auschwitz: "You can get used to anything in time."

42. A brilliant solution that has its origin in ignorance contains its own dissolution.--LMF

43. Definition of temperamental is 50% temper and 50% mental.

44. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything.--Donny Osmond.

45. Middle-aged men are like a worn tyre. They get a bulge in the middle; go bald; and start losing their grip.

46. Don't let a kiss fool you, or let a fool kiss you.

47. A teacher cannot teach beyond what he has reached.--LMF

48. In your heart you know he's right. In your guts you know he's nuts.

49. Sometimes we are so out of line with God's Word that it appears to be out of line with us.--LMF

50. You judge a person by their worst moment.

51. The worst two things about Gerry Adams [IRA] is his face.--Said on Ulster radio.

52. CAKES. A moment on the lips; a lifetime on the hips.

53. I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.--Voltaire

54. MISQUOTES: He who hesitates is last. Look before you leer.

55. PRAYER. What a man is on his knees in secret, so he is at heart.--LMF

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