Surrey Area Articles
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Surrey Area: End of term report
Eh oh! Happy New Year everyone! Salutations! Seasons greetings. Or, as the enigmatic Anne Hurd might say: dit dit dit dit, dit dit dah, dah dah, dah dit dit dit, dit dit dah, dah dah dit. (At least, that's what it said on her Christmas card.)
The West Sussex area had a few problems with their Christmas function this year, so happily we were able to repay some of their customary hospitality and welcome a few of them to our gathering. I hope those who made the journey enjoyed themselves.
Surrey Christmas Dinner was somewhat louder and more boisterous than in years past and served to remind us that we're still young at heart. Well, that's a charitable analysis. On reflection some of the entertainment were of marginal suitability for an indoor setting. The explosive cartridges caused some consternation: a lack of hard surfaces for the impact-detonation missiles led to a number of experiments with candle-ignited repeater devices. We hadn't been warned to bring our Nomex along. The powerful stunt motorbikes were a great hit, the protracted, full-bore wheelies across the table tops being particularly spectacular as they scattered the decorations, the cutlery, drinks, diners, exam papers. The descent into anarchy began for real when a certain member (mentioning no names but his initials are Adrian Rham) managed to jump his bike off the end of a ramp. Into my dinner. It was only a short leap from there for the inventively-minded (the Great Egg Race generation) to 'fly' their machines from table to table. Human powered flight was another popular diversion.
The End of Term Exam really sorted out who had been working hard last year and who was normal. The motoring questions proved notably difficult; possibly because they had little to do with motoring. The pinnacles of underachievement landmarked Geography, Politics and Current Affairs: despite years and years of TV news (television news, I mean, not one of those private subscription magazines), very few knew where Sarajevo is. There were a few juicy arguments to liven things up though.
It is pleasing to report that some members did know the purpose of the lump of velcro inside a Nasa space helmet; that in Michigan, a woman's hair belongs to her husband; that the First World War actually ended in 1921; what is buried under the pitch at Wembley; that more than one baby per day is born in a traffic jam in Bangkok; there was once a Dutch Grand Prix with no retirements or pitstops and how many letters there are in the answer to this question. Unfortunately, nobody knew that a 14-litre Ssangyong Musso was an airbag or that the first woman to be elected as an MP was a Sinn Fein candidate.
Top marks were recorded, just, by Tony's Mum and Dad, (just two of the correspondence candidates) but they were excluded for late submission of the paper (a lack of technology was cited). Marks thereafter ranged from an impressively average 52-ish% (Jim, Ruth, Nick, Julie etc - the winners) through to a refreshingly casual 18%. A splendid dunces cap was awarded to one of the lower scoring teams: not necessarily the bottom class, but their table was handy for the prize giving. A class of Tunnicliffes from the Waitetuna Bush School in New Zealand took part by fax and romped home second.
The 'cartoon-charades' or 'personality-pictionary' game (it didn't actually have a name) was skilfully compered by Mr Rham and unearthed some hitherto-unknown artistic talent, especially Vivien whose dazzling depiction of, amongst others, Madonna made it too easy! A sheet of paper was passed around to collect a compendium of jokes not to be found in the Christmas crackers. This revealed the true level of our taste and humour. It was thought prudent not to submit these for publication.
Ted St John became the inaugural winner of the Mechanical Mayhem Award, given to the area member who has suffered the cruellest of indignities from Gremlins in the Greasy Bits. Ted's a well loved figure in the Surrey area and through his catalogue of setbacks last year he remained the cheerful and supportive friend we've come to know. The trophy may have looked like the Crank that Matt broke on Le Sept but in fact it was the hinge from the sunroof on a Mercedes A-class. They have to be good and heavy to counterbalance the engine being mounted too low down.
You may have thought that Surrey had enough members already, but the new breeding programme is in full swing. Congratulations to Matt (erstwhile locum area organiser) and Leza on the acquisition of Alice (Part No. McG-D 001), the new Superlight cross member which I gather has, thus far, displayed exemplary manners and handling characteristics. She features a traditional spaceframe structure, active suspension and numerous organic valves; exhaust management will come later. If successful, she may become the prototype for future models.
Our two half days at the skid school at Thruxton were much enjoyed. The day was preceded by a bonfire party, belatedly marking Guido Fawkes'Night, where we celebrate the life of a much-maligned freedom fighter who struck out for rights against a repressive and morally bankrupt monarchy. The sight of the wet, greasy and sloping skidpan may have had the same effect on the elastic modulus of the nether regions as did the rattle of a Parliamentarians Pike on the flagstones for the good Guido.
The thought of three pristine Sierras-Cosworth, all out together on a greasy skidpan, was daunting. It was perhaps a good thing that what we actually had was three less-than-immaculate Toss-worth Sierras with that characterful patina that befits well used tools, which, after a long life of uncomplaining service are sliding into the autumn of their years. All out together on a greasy skidpan. The traffic made it particularly interesting, although I shall not be anxious to get in further practice on the Vauxhall Bridge Road, which as a venue is similar but less disciplined.
The tyres had previously done a few seasons sterling service at the bottom of a barrier out on the circuit. Nevertheless, it's amazing just how much grip and control you can have if you're careful (and thoughtful). First you learn to concentrate and then a little confidence comes and you can perform marvels. Then you get a little more confident, and everything goes to pot. The instructor, whose name I forget, was tremendous value, giving us an enjoyable and entertaining time. He willingly stood in as the human obstacle for the cadence braking exercise. I hit him. You can only cover so much ground in half a day and it seems clear that in a whole day you'd learn more than twice as much. But it's great fun and if we do it again, it's highly recommended. We ended up the session with a one-at-a-time competition against the clock, for a cash prize; and a pub lunch.
I think we can look back on another good year of club activities in this corner of the globe (I like the idea of globes having corners); what we need now is some ideas, and some helping hands, for new things to do in the year ahead. Get thinking.
You may have heard that Morse has just passed out of official maritime use, but if you're reading this Ms Hurd: dash dash dot dot dash dash dash dash dot dot dash dot dot dot dash dot dash dash dash dot dash dash dash dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dot dash dot dash dot dot dot dot dot dash dash dot dash dot dot dot dot dot.
Regards, Antony Pashley.
An excellent day was had by 18 members and friends of Surrey Area at Thruxton Skid Pan on a recent winter Sunday. Two groups of nine (morning and afternoon) lined up intent on going sideways, around in circles, having some fun and perhaps even to learn something whilst doing so.
Each session began with a short period of classroom tuition (that's why we all kept those childhood corgi models), rapidly followed by time on the track. The weather was a bit miserable as we first walked from the classroom to the selection of 'cherished' Sierras (the average W*-*+=&! owner would have felt at home) which had been lined up for us: great sideways conditions! The first session was about getting it wrong, and then back on line again. The second allowed for more of the same and also covered cadence braking - our instructor showing far more confidence in our emerging abilities than any of us thought prudent as he provided the 'target.'
The penultimate session provided the opportunity to get our own cars nice and mucky. Charles Oglethorpe gave his brand new Elise a spin (sic) - early nervousness giving way to a more boisterous attitude. As instructor Paul Coombs said, better to get it wrong here than on the road. Matt Deakin undermined the entire rationale for the day by showing that you could save fifty quid on the course by simply going out and buying an Imprezza.
The final session was a timed sprint (can you call anything on a skid pan a sprint?). Using the same car each of us attempted to keep the wheel spin to a minimum around a fiendish course of cones and tyres. Various different tactics came to the fore, most of which failed. Keeping it simple seemed to be the trick. Times were amazingly close, eg. top 4 within a second in the morning group (although there was one notable exception, but I promised Matt I wouldn't let on who it was that stalled on the starting line - the timing official swapped to a calendar for his, I mean this, run). A set of side wagers furnished a small donation for Nuke the Leuk.
Overall a great day out. Cars, an excellent instructor, good company and cringe-worthy banter. It has to make sense to practice these skills in a safe environment rather than on the road.
Adrian Rham, Surrey Area
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This page last updated 11/03/1998