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Once
upon a time......a
couple of iffy plums were taking a brisk walk down KitKat lane. Plum one (s)
turned to Plum two (d) and said "I really wish one day you would let me ride
the rabbit, you always hog him and I don't even get to stroke his tale!"
Plum one started to cry. "Don't cry" said Plum two, "no-one can stroke his
tail now he had an accident when trimming it and had to shave the whole
thing off DUH!" Plum one laughed and suggested they head over to plum threes
(o) house for some carrot cake.
So the three Plums
plummed off together
to Plum three's house.
But, Plum one fell in a puddle of horse wee wee and Plum 2 got smushed by a
giant foot that descended from heaven. So, indeed, Plum one continued alone.
On Plum one's walk, he
came across a ferret. The ferret looked innocent, but underneath its furry
coat, you could see the beast within it. Plum one didn't seem bothered about
the ferret, and walked past the ferret's doorway. The ferret was getting
angry and suddenly lashed at Plum one, and after the ferret had had his fill
of Plum one, he returned to his house. Plum one was left on the road with
his juices oozing out.
So as Plum one lay a
ruined plum, with his juices oozing out on the side of the road, his
Guardian Angel, Tom Jones, swooped down and made him whole again. (Tom Jones
also made the ferret implode so bits of ferret body landed everywhere.
Eeewwww!!) Not only was Plum one whole again, he also got an upgrade. Plum
one was now: The Plumenator!!! (He'll be back!!).
So The Plumenator
continued on his journey to Plum three's house to enjoy some home-made
carrot cake. As he turned the corner of ferret lane, he came face to face
with little red riding hood. Little red riding hood blushed to see such a
cute looking plum and asked bluntly "Are you a single plum, or is there
another plum in your life?" The Plumenator was shocked at this question yet
out of the kindness of his pip heart, he invited her to Plum Three's house
for carrot cake.
When The Plumenator
and little red riding hood got to Plum Three's house, they knocked on the
plastic house. Plum three answered the door and was shocked to see Little
red riding hood. Plum three asked them both in and gave Little red a wink.
Little red's hairs on her neck stood on end because Plum three was ugly and
wrinkly! (oh no!). Plum three kept flirting with Little red and then there
was a knock on the door, Who could it be?
As little Red got up
to the door, Plum Three went to make some kebabs in the kitchen with The
Plumenator. Little Red opened the door and found that it was a magic parcel
filled with magical genie dust. little red's first wish was that Plum Three
would impale himself on the kebab skewers. Sure enough, when Little Red
entered the kitchen, Plum Three was impaled on his kebab skewers. Little
Red's next wish was.....to
be on a lonely island with The Plumenator. Little Red had not thought her
plan all the way through and soon realised that there was no food on the
island. It was quite a small island so she walked all the way around looking
for food but she found nothing for her to eat, but she did find a weird
hairy monkey. She named him Minkey.
So Little Red, The Plumenator and Minkey were all stuck on this island with
nothing to eat. "We are all lonely buggers" The Plumenator pointed out to
his companions. Minkey was becoming increasingly annoyed with The
Plumenators negative attitude, and in a fit of anger, lunged at The
Plumenator and bit off his juicy fat arm!!!!
So whilst crunching
and sucking on The Plumenator's arm, Minkey and Little Red's eyes met across
the sand. 'Twas love at first sight and Little Red and Minkey embraced
passionately in the sun. 5 minutes later, the island sank and Little Red, a
one armed Plumenator and Minkey were hurled into the sea. Just as all was
lost, however, a huge monstrous shadow began swimming towards them. It
was.......the
giant gingerbread man from Shrek 2!!!! (we'll call him GG i.e. Giant
Gingerbread!). So as Little Red, the one armed Plumenator and Minkey were
about to drown, GG swam towards them and threw his gumdrop buttons at them
so they could hold onto them. Minkey, still hungry after nibbling on the
Plumenator's arm took a giant bite out of GG's gumdrop button. "Not my
gumdrop button!!" GG cried, and his icing smile turned into an upside down
smile... a frown!!!!
GG got so angry at the
loss of his gum drop buttons, that he boiled the sea! The entire sea
evaporated and left a huge massive gigantic pile of salt and dead fish.
Little red, unfortunately allergic to salt and dead fish, went rather crazy
and began sprouting purple hairs on her nose. Minkey and GG, both turned on
by the purple hairs, began a fight to the finish for the eating rights to
said hairs. Minkey started to charge GG but he got smushed into a stain by
GG and was no more!! One armed Plumenator was so scared of GG that he ran
into a convenient lamppost standing nearby and he too was no more. GG, now
alone, began to cry until he had re-filled the sea with water. Now floating
on the ocean waters, he could only think of one thing:..............George
Bush! (Now that's a shocker). GG found George's stupidity extremely sexy and
continued to lie in the ocean dreaming about his American sexiness. Whilst
he was floating there, an American flag drifted past him and GG hugged it
with joy. He began waving it above his head, crying out his love for the
Bushy man. At that point....A
George Bush look-a-like flew too close to the Sun on a pair of wings made of
jelly. The wings then proceeded to melt and caused the look-a-like
(henceforth to be known as GBLAL) to plummet straight downwards into the
ocean. GG, thinking this to be the real George Bush, rushed over to help
him. Upon finding it he was only a look-a-like, GG was about to smush GBLAL
when GBLAL pulled out a paper aeroplane and declared "Don't smush me, we can
go to Washington on my aeroplane and meet the real George Bush and
congratulate him on his further 4 years as president." With that, GG let out
a girlish scream of pleasure and climbed aboard with GBLAL. Once in the air
though.......A
flock of DoDos
(who knew dodos can fly) landed on the aeroplane. They
made the air craft to heavy and so they landed in the sea. GG and GBLAL swam
to the nearest island. Conveniently the island was England. (national anthem
plays) GG was home, he lay down on the beach and kissed the sand.
After kissing the sand, GG stood up and started
yelling at GBLAL for his stupid idea of a paper plane. GBLAL started to cry
and started running in circles shrieking. By this time GG had had enough of
GBLAL and ran away as fast as his gingerbread legs could carry him. After a
while, GG stopped running and decided to go travel and find his friends and
family in England, who he dearly missed.......as
he had not seen them for 44.90836 years due to being banished for eating his
brother's gum drop buttons. So off he popped to find them. On his travels,
he chanced upon the intensely creepy and innately dark and disturbing Salad
Fingers. Salad Fingers demanded a rusty spoon from GG, but not having one on
him (he lost it in the Dodo flock) Salad Fingers proceeded to lunge at GG
and...
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