Memories of Max - A Father's Story

Chapter 2 - The Unit

Home

Both Sara and I had a number of occasions where the apparent outward strength which we showed to the world just crumbled in the face of relatively minor events. I think this is common. I met a number of parents who felt that they were coping magnificently, only to suddenly fall apart after some trivial mishap.

The little events which undid us were those that we could not predict, those that in normal life would just form part of a bad day. We were unprepared for them and sometimes they became a trigger for a venting of all the other stresses which had built up but been held at bay.

In my case it was when the car battery failed while I was at the hospital. Luckily my parents were visiting but the added problems of trying to organise cars and transport left me very stressed. When I got home, I decided to have a bath. I turned on the hot tap only to find that it sheared off in my hand. I was tired and emotionally exhausted. I spent the rest of the evening shutting down the plumbing and trying to remove the tap from the bath. Towards the end of the evening I was very strung out, and yet in reality this was nothing compared to the emotional burdens which we had carried over the past months.

In Sara's case the first time she experienced this collapse of control was when a shop failed to mend her camera. We were both furious because she'd especially wanted to take pictures of Max on his fifth birthday. She returned to the shop to get an explanation, but then broke down in tears at their bumbling excuses and utter inefficiency. She later commented to me , 'You can just about cope with the major problems but it's the little things push you over the edge'.

Another case was when Sara picked Paula up from school and another Mum reversed into our car. The cost to repair the damage to the car was estimated at Ł500. When Sara later informed the mother, the mother flew into a rage and started shouting at her. Sara was unable to withstand the outburst and went into shock and was taken into the school shaking and unable to speak. She did not know what had hit her.

This type of reaction becomes very disturbing. You realise that you have no objective judgement of your emotional state. You think you are in control but you are not party to so much going on in the subconscious. This is not like the real world and leaves you suspicious of your feelings and emotions. Are these feelings what you really feel or are these just the surface reactions? You cannot tell.

After we moved from the isolation room back into the wards, we began to integrate more with the other families. It was odd being in the Unit for such a long time. We would form a close friendship with a family and then they would return home.

Click here if you would like details of how to buy a copy of the book