Memories of Max - A Father's Story

Chapter 3 - Waiting

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That week we also got the final identification of Max’s illness. This was the news we had been waiting for, the news that would let us start to truly grasp our situation.

“We know that you are concerned, as we all are, about when and what form Max’s treatment will be. We mentioned last time we met that there were two types of Rhabdo. We have performed the sub typing tests and I am very sorry to tell you that Max has the more aggressive form of the disease.“

Yet again another body blow. Another wild loop on the roller-coaster. We had gone from untreatable to treatable. We had gone from relapse of Max’s leukaemia to a new cancer. From a new cancer that was possibly survivable to the appearance of secondary cancers in Max's spine. Now we moved to a subtype of the new disease which had a poor prognosis.

Sara and I sat quietly and tried to take in the significance of what we were being told. It did not sink in. Rarely during these consultations did either Sara or I show emotion at this sort of news. It's not that you are being strong. It’s not that you do not understand. It’s just that you are overwhelmed and the information is too much to absorb. The questions come thick and fast but, on reflection, they were often the wrong questions. At times like this you cannot actually take in what it is that you do not understand. I tried to think as logically as possible, to work out what it was that we needed to know, but there was usually a missed question or the misinterpretation of an answer.

The consultant continued to tell us how they intended to deal with Max’s cancer.

“This time we are going for broke. There really is no second chance this time. Even if they bring out new drugs after this treatment, we will not be able to use them. We have no option left if Max relapses after this treatment. I know we told you that last time but that was looking at the treatment regimes for AML. This time there is no avenue open if Max relapses again. During this treatment Max will have a very broad range of very powerful chemotherapy. After this treatment we will have exhausted all possible options. The drugs which Max received for his leukaemia were extremely powerful and cannot be used again. In trying to eliminate the cancer, they can also cause severe damage to the body. There is only so much that a body can take. It could be viewed as fortunate that he has a different cancer because we can use a different drug protocol to try and eliminate the disease this time. The treatment, however, will be extremely aggressive and carries the same risk as before that he may die from the treatment and not from the disease. We have no other option. As you are probably well aware from before, we can provide treatment with that risk but if we do not give Max treatment then there is the certainty of death.“

We were very aware, and totally understood.

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