Memories of Max - A Father's Story

Chapter 6 - Reactions

Home

It was a four page letter which started off like many of the letters we received. He and his wife were horrified to hear of the news of Max’s second cancer. The letter started to rankle when they said they knew how we must feel. At the time they did not have children. If there was one consistent message from everyone, it was that they could not imagine how we felt.

From this point the letter went downhill at an accelerating pace. We were told that Max’s illness had been caused by my dissolute lifestyle as a teenager and that the only way for his and my redemption was for me to repent and turn to God. There were three pages of detail on why this had happened and how I could resolve my situation and that if I did not then I would have to bear the consequences.

There are a number of conclusions to be drawn from this last letter. It is very sad that people, whatever their religious persuasion, feel it necessary to impose their view on others. This was made worse by the circumstances in which the letter was written. It was written to prey on a family which was at its lowest point in its existence. It was an attempt to use hope as a lure for conversion.

I found both these letters deeply abhorrent and insulting.

Another incident which demonstrated how crass and inconsiderate people can sometimes be, surprisingly, involved a member of the medical profession. I had serious problems with my eyes and needed to visit a consultant. It turned out that I had a problem where I was sometimes unable to merge images from both eyes. Unlike most people it was my brain which performed this function, and when I became exceptionally tired or stressed my sight lapsed into double vision.

The consultant explained that my case was not serious. There was an operation which could be performed but it was risky and he advised that I live with the condition. He started to tell me that people who also suffered in this way usually lived a lifestyle which involved a bad diet and too much stress at work.

He asked me about my work and diet and I gave him the relevant facts. In an attempt to demonstrate the true reason for the symptoms I told him that my son was currently undergoing treatment for leukaemia.

He did not blink an eyelid. He carried on with almost messianic fervour about the destructive lifestyle of our modern society and how I should look at changing my own lifestyle. This carried on for about five minutes. I was completely taken aback by his utter indifference to my situation and total lack of empathy. It was as if Max’s cancer was just some minor ailment. I tried to tell him that the symptoms had only appeared during Max’s treatment but he just did not want to know. He carried on with his tirade. I was too numb to argue. I mentioned this incident to the nurse I saw after the consultation. She was extremely sympathetic and said that he always gave this little lecture.

Click here if you would like details of how to buy a copy of the book