Memories of Max - A Father's Story

Chapter 7 - Max

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He was also a very gentle, and sensitive child. He would comment on the softness and colour of someone's skin, on the beauty of a feather or the colours in the sky. He had a tactile sensitivity which I think is unusual in boys. In fact I think he had a general sensitivity that is unusual in boys. He was also very caring and thoughtful and that too showed itself during his illness.

Max was a bright and intelligent boy, and though this did not show particularly at school, because he was one of the younger in his year, it showed at home. He was alert, animated, inquisitive and intrigued with the world that surrounded him. He was particularly fascinated by science and natural history programs on television.

After Max’s leukaemia we visited Rainbow House. This is a charity which provides a very welcome family retreat after the ravages of cancer treatment. Edward was an ex-paramedic who worked for the Trust. My only description of him is that occasionally you meet someone who fits the description ‘salt of the earth’. He took Max fishing. Max had never fished before. I went down to the pond about an hour after they had started fishing. I crept up on Max and Edward and it was so nice to see Max listening intently to Edward’s instructions and trying hard to follow them. Max caught about thirty fish which were all put back into the pond. I was so happy to see him elated and engrossed by the fishing.

Max loved to dress up as a young child. Sara had play costumes for both him and Paula. He had a particular penchant for wearing Paula’s wardrobe. He also liked wearing lipstick. At one stage we wondered if he might be gay. It was odd considering whether this might be the case. I had always said that it would never bother me, but had moments of doubt. I decided that it mattered not one jot.

On one of our videos we have a bizarre scene of Max and his best friend dressing up. It was not bizarre because of the nature of the clothes, but because of what they were doing with them. Both boys were wearing loose tee shirts and baggy trousers. Max started by stuffing all sorts of clothing up his shirt and down his trousers. After about five minutes both children became weird caricatures of themselves. They had huge inflated chests and thighs like trees. They staggered around the room barely able to walk and laughed at the ridiculous situation which they had created.

Before Max became ill Sara and I decided that we would not let him have a video game. We felt that they just wasted a child's time and that there were no benefits to be obtained from them. Our views soon changed during Max’s leukaemia. The game ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ became a salvation from his often deeply withdrawn moods. He could be pulled back into the world by playing Sonic. He slowly improved his gaming skills and it gave him immense satisfaction in getting further in the game than he had done before. He often tried to get Sara and me to play, but we had little co-ordination which he found extremely funny. The fact that he could beat us hollow pleased him no end. The game also gave him a common talking point with the other children. As a competent four year old player, he would sit and dispense advice to much older players. They respected him and it gave them common ground. (as if cancer was not enough!)

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