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| Chapter 9 - Memories of Max |
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We both sat silent and fuming for a couple of hours in his hospital room. I felt extremely guilty for shouting at my sick son. |
"Max, I'm sorry that I shouted at you." |
No reply. |
"You got angry with me because I didn't get you a drink, but you never asked me for a drink. I can't read your mind. We are both very tired because you had a bad night last night. Those sort of nights make both of us very grumpy. I am trying to do everything I can for you, but I can't do things that I don't know about. I have been very angry for the last couple of hours and so have you. We can't go on like this. We need to sort this out. I should never have shouted at you but sometimes it is difficult when we are so tired. Why don't we make up and be friends?" |
"I thought that I had told you about the drink. I am sorry too. Even though I got so angry, I still think that you are lovely." |
This was the start of the dissolution of our father/son relationship. It was the start of a relationship of equals. This change came from the fact that we had both apologised and had both climbed down. A new mutual respect was born. This respect grew and grew. |
Max's anger dissipated as his treatment progressed but returned sporadically. On one occasion, at home, about five months after his second diagnosis I asked him to eat breakfast downstairs rather than in his bedroom because we had decided not to allow Max to dictate everything and anything which went on in the family home. It is natural at the beginning of a child's cancer to pander to the slightest whim. You want to do anything and everything for your sick child, but this can create problems. Max soon realised that he had us at his beck and call, and started to treat both Sara and myself like slaves. His behaviour also did not help Paula's behaviour. How could we expect her to behave normally when her brother was able to behave so differently? In the end we tried to lead life as normally as possible. Generally it worked but sometimes it did not. This was one of those times. |
Max flew into a rage and started screaming and hitting things. I walked away and let him expend his frustration and anger. I went back upstairs a couple of minutes later and gave him a cuddle and we both went down to eat breakfast. |
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| Copyright © 2001 |
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