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| Chapter 9 - Memories of Max |
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"Do you want a cuddle?" |
He nodded. |
We cuddled silently for about ten minutes and I gently kissed his bald head. He just needed some more love. |
Max and I would often watch films together. One day, at home, after watching 'Back to the Future', Max said that he'd like to go back to the future. I asked him what he expected to see. |
"I think that I'll be dead." |
I was glad that he'd started to face his fears and talk of the future. |
Another time he asked me if the future could be changed. |
"Dad, What would happen if I'd never done something. What would happen if I hadn't gone somewhere. Would that change the future? Would that change the way things have happened? If I hadn't done something, would that mean that I wouldn't have got cancer?" |
I explained that each event did change the future but that he had not caused his cancer and that we and the doctors did not know what had caused his illness. These were the first indications that he was contemplating the disease and all that had happened and what would happen in the future. He knew that the treatment could kill I suspected that he now knew the disease could be fatal too. |
There had been previous conversations that had approached the subject. |
"Dad, Dad, I think I am dying." |
"Now why do you think that. That's a strange thing to say." |
"Oh, it doesn't matter." |
"Do you often think about dying" |
"No, not really." |
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| Copyright © 2001 |
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