Memories of Max - A Father's Story

Chapter 10 - Transplant

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We had seen horrendous treatment before, both with Max and with others, but we had never witnessed transplant. This is because the transplant procedures are always carried out in isolation. We had heard the stories, but somehow they did not seem real. It is a different matter to watch first hand the suffering of the one you love more than anything else on this earth.

The pain of transplant soared above anything Sara and I had experienced as parents. We too became distant, lost and numb. The barrage of suffering was too much and so we too closed down and endured. We watched and waited and hoped.

Max reached a point where I think he was incapable of emotion. He reached the point where he just existed in a sea of suffering. This changed slowly as he improved physically. As his body grew stronger, he came back to our world, he had the energy to feel again and then started to get very depressed. He told us how much he hated his life.

Sara started to get very run down from watching and nursing Max. We used to take it in turns to spend nights with him. She found that she was also not sleeping at home due to the stress and so I would sometimes spend two consecutive nights with Max. He became upset when I was about to leave. I offered him the option to choose who stayed with him. "I don't really mind but I'd like you to stay." Sara became even more upset. I didn't know what to do. If we worked alternate nights then she became too tired to cope, if I stayed, she felt excluded. I was damned either way.

Max's blood counts started to rise about two weeks after he was given transplant chemotherapy. The doctors then gave him GCSF which is a growth factor which kick starts the growth of the bone marrow. Max's blood counts trebled in three days. The Senior sister announced that he probably had more neutrophils (a special type of white bood cell) than all the other children in the unit put together. Two days after being given GCSF Max ventured out of the room in his wheelchair. It was like the end of a prison sentence. The nurses were surprised that to see him on the ward so soon after the GCSF. I wheeled him around the hospital and back to his room.

The following day he asked for a meal. The Staff nurse's expression could only be described as 'gobsmacked'. This was progress in leaps and bounds. He vomited after the first bite, but that was irrelevant. The fact that he had even considered a meal was a huge leap forward.

Max was taken off all the drugs, the antibiotics, the morphine, and the anti-sickness medication. His blood count plummeted but started to rise again within two days. What was not good was the fact that he sank into deep depression yet again. Again he would accept no contact, no talking, nothing. I told him how much I loved him and he would nod but that was his only reaction.

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