Memories of Max - A Father's Story

Chapter 10 - Transplant

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I felt quietly happy, almost contented. I had done something concrete towards his recovery and was building on the special trust I had with him. The increasing intensity of my relationship with Max was at the expense of my relationship with Sara. Over the previous week it had seemed that he was quite sick when Sara looked after him and well when I looked after him. Sara would report having an awful day and night and yet my sessions with Max went relatively well. I put this down to the fact that she was run down and tired and that the little things were getting to her. I, on the other hand, was able to get some sleep at night and consequently felt much better. This theory was shaken when Max announced that he didn't want Sara to stay because she 'made him sick'. Sara was very hurt and upset by this comment and the situation was further exacerbated after I helped him over the nausea by getting him taken off the anti-sickness medicines.

Sara and I had slipped into a 'ships in the night' scenario. Nursing Max was taking its toll on both of us. We became so drained both emotionally and physically that we had to take time off from the hospital. If you do not then both of you just get driven into the ground. We had made this mistake before. As a parent you want to do anything and everything and can neglect your own needs. If you do not heed the signs then you become useless for everyone. The child, his sibling, your partner and yourself.

The flip side of this situation is where you only see each other in the overlap period between changing your shifts when looking after your child. If either one of you is stressed then the overlap period drops from three or four hours to maybe half an hour. I was bawled out because the bed had not been made, Max had not been washed or taken his medicines and the room was a mess. This was a justified criticism if you had got up a couple of hours ago. It was not justified when you had both woken up twenty minutes previously after a very sleepless night. Tiredness drives you to the end of your tether as most parents know. Tiredness and stress are very destructive. Sara and I were both being pushed to the limit and both guilty of making these accusations.

Two weeks later we got the results of Max's scan that determined the effectiveness of the transplant. He was clear of the cancer and no surgery was required. His blood counts were high and the number of tablets that he needed was dropping.

I was elated at the results. This was good news, really really good news. I was determined to savour it for as long as I could. Sara and I felt that Max's chances for survival had gone from below 10% to maybe 20%. Our elation lasted about two hours.

Max suddenly announced that he'd had pain in his left testicle for the previous week. This was directly next to the site of the tumour and was very worrying. It also made me then reflect that even if his chances of survival had improved, this still meant that he had an 80% chance of dying.

He was examined by the consultants and given scans. The consensus was that his pain was not being caused by another cancer.

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