We dropped out of crisis mode. Max had survived the treatment and his tumour appeared to have reacted favourably to the chemotherapy. We were given a break from the Royal Marsden Hospital for four days over the holiday period and normality or some semblance of it was within our grasp
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After the holiday we continued to visit the Royal Marsden Hospital for Max's consolidation treatment.
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The normality caused more problems than one would imagine. In crisis mode you live for the immediate but once that slips away you want everything to just be right again. You start to try and take the long term view, the objective view, the view of outsiders looking in on our sad spectacle of a story.
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The long term view was incomprehensible and very difficult to deal with. The objective view put you back to realising how far there was to go and the hurdles to be covered. The fear and horror became real again. I used to sit and stare into space trying to make some sense of it all when there was no sense to be had.
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