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| Chapter 12 - The End |
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He didn't die and the following morning we were both like zombies and remained in that state for several days. |
The tiredness started grind us down. Within situations of extreme stress like this it is very easy to lose your grip on reality. I had this surreal fantasy that we could still beat the disease. Tenacious hope against all the odds. Even at the end you do not give up and I would daydream of survival scenarios. |
I wondered if it were not possible for his body to invoke some sort of immune reaction to the cancer. It did not help that I had beaten his pain by ignoring the doctors and giving such large doses of morphine. It gave me some sort of hope that we could still beat the system, that we could reach out for the Holy Grail of a miracle cure. |
I decided to chart his fluid intake and try and bring it under control. I also went out and bought glucose drinks to give him some energy. He had a bruise on his hand which seemed to be getting smaller. Perhaps his platelets were improving? |
Max did start to drink more. He took small sips throughout the day and his overall fluid intake improved. At this stage he was in semi-conscious state and would drink if I asked him to. I offered him the glucose drink but he was conscious enough to refuse it because of the taste. |
Despite the intake of fluid, Max was deteriorating day by day. |
Sara and I went to tend to Max. He needed turning. Turning a pain ridden body without inflicting more pain is difficult. Sara got on the bed to help turn him over. |
"Don't, that hurts!" |
Suddenly he flared up which was a surprising reaction given his semi-comatose state. He struggled to sit up and looked at Sara and gritted his teeth. |
"I said No! Don't touch me, I just want Daddy." |
He slipped back and closed his eyes. |
Sara sank back and started to cry. I told her that he didn't really mean it. Max became conscious enough to realise something was happening. |
"What's wrong?" he whispered. |
"Mummy is upset because you wouldn't let her help me turn you." |
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