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Thanks to all those who have taken the time to contribute -
Allan
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Comments selected from Emails received prior to installing the Guestbook
on 15th March 2001
From: Karen Morehouse
Mail receieved on: Tuesday, March 13, 2001
You broke my heart and set me soaring. Your book covered everything faced by the parents
of a child with cancer, with unsentimental frankness and clarity. It is a gift of
immeasurable worth to any parent who has had to help their child struggle with cancer and
I thank you with my whole heart for writing it
I am also happy to know that it has helped you to find some
peace and focus in your own life. It took just as much bravery to write the
kind of book you wrote as it did to live through the horrors you lived
through. Often the hell in our minds can trump any hell imposed from
without and you faced it all straight on, with dignity and compassion. Good
on you!
Don't change one thing in your book. I am a
writer myself and there are certainly ways to polish it up, but it would be
a mistake to do that. Your writing is spare and heartfelt, with an unusual
marriage of candor and compassion. You are writing from the trenches and it
shows, but you neatly avoided the usual trap inherent in most memoirs of
this sort. You looked in the mirror and did not flinch at the sight. You
remembered your son as a real person, warts and all, just as you recalled
your own thoughts and actions, without judging, whining, or excusing. I
call your style "heartfelt realism" and the world could use a whole hell of
a lot more of it (in my humble opinion....)
I howled with laughter when I read of your
son's memorial service. Some might find that irreverent, but what a
character he was! And what a delightful sense of irony in one so young! To
me, it was his bravest act -- a small child demanding humor and quirkiness
as he exits, stage left. My mind flashes on the scene, with that hurdy
gurdy rhythm of "In the Summertime" playing, while studiously sad adults
traipse past a coffin in a cloth decorated in cartoons or viewing an urn
that says, "Th-th-th-that's all, Folks!" How you must miss him. But how
blessed you were to have shared his life!
From: Justin
Mail receieved on: Tuesday, March 13, 2001
Thanks for the opportunity to read the memories of Max.
A very courageous and special young man. My daughter
(whose birthday is the 24/7 the same day as Max's diagnoses)
passed away following a battle with AML.
She had a genetic disposition which leaves many questions unanswered for us.
I need to spend some time reading your book as I just found it tonight however
the bits I have read tonight are inspiring, close and scary.
Being from Australia, I loved the piece on the echidna! Thanks
My daughter was cremated and we take her ashes with us when we move.
She was tough, smart, beautiful, wise and intuitive.
I think our kids have something in common other than dates.
From: Arlene
Mail receieved on: Tuesday, March 13, 2001
I was impressed with the few pages I've read of your book.
I believe that by sharing your story you will make life easier for someone
else. It won't change the reality of what they have to go through, but they
will not feel quite as alone as they might have otherwise, knowing someone
understands.
From: Robin
Mail receieved on: Wednesday, March 14, 2001
You NEED to get this published. People need to read about what families and children go through
From: Patti
Mail receieved on: Wednesday, March 14, 2001
I could not stop reading....your story is so true
and told very well.
You have put into words the feelings and thoughts that we parents of cancer kids have but aren't always able to
verbalize them.
From: Cheryl
Posted on: Thursday, March 15, 2001, 07:48 PM
Oh, Allan, how do I begin to describe what a thoroughly harrowing read you
book has been for me. My son, too, suffered from cancer and double relapse,
and also transplant.
Thankfully, the transplant worked for him, and he is alive and a normal 13 yr
old now. But, sometimes in my darkest hours, I still wonder how I would have
survived if he had not.
Your writings on the time after Max died are very similar to what I
envisioned would happen to me. And, yet, you have lived on, albeit with pain.
Thank you for a wonderful journey in to your soul, and that of Max. Many
times in your story I heard Max's voice reaching out to me. What a
wonderful, courageous child you raised...a chip off the old block, that is
for sure.
Cheryl--mom to Robby,13, dx 1/14/93- high risk pre-B ALL, CNS relapse 1/95
and 7/95 and autologous BMT 1/96, Jake, almost 7, and Zach, age 4
From: Cathy, mother of Jacob (4) and Ethan (2 1/2)
Email: <tc_thomp@swbell.net>
Posted on: Friday, March 16, 2001, 08:25 PM
Allan-
I read your entire book over two days. I was moved to tears. Several of your emotions are currently being felt by my husband and myself, as our son has just been diagnosed.
Since my son has just been diagnosed, this was very hard to read. Several of your words could have been written by me. I am grateful that you took the time and energy to put this together so people like me could know that it's okay to feel what my husband and I are feeling.
Your book is wonderful and I wish you the best of luck in getting it published. It needs to be "out in public eye".
You are a truly talented writer.
I am very sorry for your loss.
From: A. Friend.
Posted on: Friday, March 16, 2001, 09:02 PM
As one of the people who knows Allan - and who reviewed the manuscript for this book - I want to say that I am so pleased that Allan has given other people access to what he has written. The comments that have been received show how valuable it is as a supportive text for others to read.
From: Patti Smith
Email: <psmith402@aol.com>
Website: www.caringbridge.com/ok/adamsmith/
Posted on: Saturday, March 17, 2001, 12:59 AM
Allan, What an incredible book. You must have it published and when you do, I hope that you can notify those of us who have expressed interest. I will buy your book in a heartbeat. You put into words and described your pain and emotions and LOVE of Max so well! I hope that you have found Peace. Fondly, Patti
From: ///
Email: <///>
Posted on: Sunday, March 18, 2001, 09:50 PM
I write anonymously to say that I was touched by your book. Please publish it. I still have many things to come to terms with and your writing is helping me. Thank you Allan. Thank you very much indeed
From: Danni R Email: <//>
Website: //
Posted on: Wednesday, April 04, 2001, 06:55
PM
Hello Allan, I surfed in on your
"Memories of Max" web site through your link in the Childhood Cancer Net Ring. I
really wanted to read the story of you and Max, but I couldn't make it beyond
the paragraph right below "Max died in January 1997." By the time I read "This
is a father's story. It tells of my hopes and fears, my feelings and
emotions..." I was too choked up and my eyes filled with tears to read on. My
stomach was getting too tight and something told me, you can't read this! I
still want to learn about you and Max one day. I have a young son myself, Jerry,
who was successfully treated for Hodgkin's lymphoma April - October 2000. He is
doing quite well at this time. My biggest struggle is to overcome a certain
amount of fear of relapse or secondary malignancy brought on by chemo or
radiation. I am so sorry about the loss (not only to you but the entire world!)
of your son Max. Danni R.
From: BjNorton
Website:
www.geocities.com/michael_nortonrules/index.html
Posted on:
Sunday, April 22, 2001, 06:20 PM
My son
Michael died at the Marsden of a brain tumour on December 1st, 2000. He was 14,
and the most extraordinary boy. Just like Max. He had 800 people at his funeral
at Guildford Cathedral, where he was Head Chorister, which was a tribute to him,
his character, his musicianship and his uniqueness. His website is at
www.geocities.com/michael_nortonrules/index.html. It helps to read an account
like yours and to know that we are not quite so very alone.
From: Debbie Alimentato Email: mailto:dalimentato@monroecc.edu
Website: http//www.samalimentato.homestead.com/greenribbon.html
Posted on: Wednesday, May 16, 2001, 08:21 PM
I happened to come across your website
through Candlelighters. Like you, I have lost a son to cancer. Sam was 16 and
had non-hodgkins lymphoma. He passed away on 12/22/00. At one point we thought
he had it beaten. He was such a fighter and wanted to live. It has only been
almost 5 months for us and missing him doesn't get any easier. When the wave of
grief hits you, it hurts just as much as when he first died. I'm anxious to read
Max's story. I hope he and Sam become friends while in heaven. Debbie Alimentato
Rochester, NY
From: Karolyn Strand Email: mailto:karolyns@portoftacoma.com
Posted on: Thursday, June 07, 2001, 10:36 PM
Allan,Thank you so much for sharing
your story. I have been slowly reading your book for the past 2 months. It is so
powerful and insightful, so amazing and helpful. Max was a wonderful child, his
love for you and his humour filled my heart with joy. I have a son who is 8
years old and Sam also has a talent and enjoyment of drawing like Max. We have
seen how drawing also helps him to handle the treatment he is undergoing for
leukemia. I hope you publish your "Memories of Max" like Max's life it is a work
of art. God bless ...........
From: Matthew Beeners, aka MrTrainer Email: mailto:matt@mrtrainer.com
Website:
http://www.mrtrainer.com
Posted on: Thursday, June 21, 2001,
03:30 PM
Hello. I respect you for sharing
your story on Max. My brother, also named Max, passed away June 6, 1999 (10 days
after he graduated high school) after battling A.L.L. leukemia when he was 5 and
then A.M.L. leukemia when he was 16. I feel for you and your family, and want
you to know there is a better place. I too have a dedication at my site if you
wish to view it. God Bless.
From: justin Email: <j.hanney.vic.gov.au>
Posted
on: Tuesday, June 26, 2001, 01:52 PM
thanks again - i draw strength from
your amazing words because they help me draw strength from within. My journey is
different - my journey is the same - my journey is different..... Bryleigh would
be 7 on july 24....2 years and two months since she left us....I can't emphasise
enough how your writings have helped me sought thru the manure of my existence.
- my journey continues - thanks justin
From: david and sandy ryan Email: <blowininthewind
yogisinjection>
Posted on: Wednesday, July 04, 2001, 10:01
PM
hi, its the 4th of july.i read a
fathers story.its been almost 3 years since sierra was diagnosed with aml. most
people cant even begin to know that feeling. i remember thinking i was watching
something terrible on tv in that room she was 11 . she lived 4 months. the hell
to all of our lives were just begining.she was buried on her 12th birthday.march
18th 1999.i still miss her so much but i try not to have feelings.because as you
know our life here still goes on.our family was tore apart. but her father and i
are back together,and we love each other more than ever.i guess what gets me
through is the signs she sends me that shes still is with us. i know because i
feel her. ile neverunderstand and when i do it wont matter anymore.
right.godbless
From: Rina Aran Email: mailto:moriaha@netvision.net.il
Posted on: Thursday, July 19, 2001, 11:16 AM
Dear Allan, Sorry for your loss. I read
your book on this site. It's wonderful and should be published. My daughter,
Moriah passed away after a long 5 years of battle against brain tumor on March
30, 2001. She was 18 years old and 4 months. Thank you for sharing your
feelings, Rina, mom to Moriah 1982-2001
From: Tanya Email: mailto:pilau@iprimus.com.au
Posted
on: Tuesday, July 31, 2001, 01:38
PM
Thank you for sharing. I hope all is
well with you and your family at this time and I wish you all the best. cheers,
From: Julia Email: mailto:JUJUATLOU26@aol.com
Posted
on: Friday, September 28, 2001, 09:18 PM
God Bless You and your Family. I lost
my son in March of 2000 of PNET of the soft tissue he was 3 months old and I
miss him everyday, I really liked this site and it's nice to know I'm not the
only one.
From: Lynn Shelton Email: mailto:cshelton@elp.rr.com
Website:
www.candlelighterselp.com
Posted on: Thursday, October 18, 2001,
08:28 AM
I work for Candlelighters of El
Paso, Texas. I'm in administration so I don't work hands-on or intensively with
the children, which is what I have preferred. I think of myself as a "hard ass",
not given to emotion or caring too much for those I don't know, but some of the
kids with cancer here have gotten into my heart a bit. I also have a 4-year old
son, who is the center of my life. Reading only part of your book caused me to
shed tears profusely. I plan to put a link to your book on our agency web site.
It is a must-read!
From: Vicki
Website: www.caringbridge.com/ca/mike
Posted on: Thursday, November 01, 2001, 10:03 PM
Hi Allan, I just discovered your site
and have printed out your "Memories of Max" to begin reading this evening. My 27
yr old brother passed away in July 2001 from Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. He
fought it for 16 months and gave a courageous battle towards this dreaded
disease. I am anxious to read your story. Many thanks for sharing it with us
all. I am sure that it will provide some comfort for our loss also.
From: Catherine Clay Email: mailto:ceclay@hotmail.com
Website:
http://catherineclay.com
Posted on: Wednesday, November 28, 2001,
11:30 PM
I'm sorry you lost your son. My
sister had AML too. She is a survivor. I was curious to find out if you are
publishing your book or if it's being published because I would like to publish
my diary too. It's at http://deardementeddiary.com Any advise you could give me
would be greatly beneficial.
From:
Posted on: Monday, December 03, 2001, 05:41 PM
Once I began to read I could not stop.
Your strength in sharing your story is amazing. You helped me to better
understand what a freind of the family is going through following the loss of
their 7 yr old daughter to AML. Thank you. I am sure Max is so proud of his
Daddy