Copyright: Michael Coatesworth.

Last revised: February 04, 2008

Time for a Cuppa!

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My visit to Blackpool

Mike Coatesworth

The sun was shining, the sky was blue, the birds were singing, which in Yorkshire, is nothing new. In fact all the signs that it was going to be a beautiful day. All our suitcases were packed and we were ready to go on our holiday. This was going to be only the second time in my life that I had stayed in the sun drenched, fun packed paradise of Blackpool. Millions of tourists from Britain or Overseas visit this magnificent place expecting to have a really great time in this non-stop action tourist attraction.

The first time that I visited Blackpool, was when I was about Seven years of age. I can still remember snippets of my fabulous time there. The beaches were packed to the brim. The donkeys had saddle sores from carrying all the excited youngsters up and down the coastline. And the deck chair hire person was working overtime. Trying to keep up with the demand for these striped cloth wooden frame seats, that completely littered the beaches with persons from all walks of life, trying to get a suntan from the rays of the brilliant sunshine, that beat down on their half naked bodies.

Some of the smaller youngsters could be seen with string attached to their wrists. And the other end of the string would be attached to the deck chair being occupied by their parents or guardians. This was to ensure that the children didn't get lost, and the parents could doze peacefully in the hot sunshine. Safe in the knowledge that their children would not be far away. To the majority of parents, this was a very good idea; a few of them though were not amused when their children began to stray towards the incoming tide of foaming sea. As some of the children got excited and ran towards the incoming tide, they forgot that they were secured by the wrists to their parents and when they almost reached the inviting shore line, several events seemed to take place at once.

Firstly, the string attached to their wrists became taut, causing the child to fall. The other end of the string attached to the deck chairs, caused the chairs to be whipped away from underneath the unsuspecting dozing parents, landing the surprised parents usually face down in the sand. And the string now tight across fifteen feet of open beach caused people walking along, to trip over the twine that suspended four inches above the beach. Arguments started, parents were annoyed at having been disturbed. Men showing off to their girl friends were embarrassed as they went flying through the air to land on another poor unsuspecting soul lying on the beach. And through all this, the poor child who only wanted to go for a paddle in the sea and at the time of the incident nobody was bothering with, sat crying at almost having had its arm torn out of its sockets. The idea of tying children to the deck chairs soon ended, thank goodness!

My arm is still sore thinking about it.

'The coach is here,' called Jenny. The white mini bus had arrived at our front gates, ready to carry us to what I hoped was a really exciting holiday.

'I'll have to put Pete in first,' the driver stated. 'Then I'll place the cases around his wheelchair. The driver was a thinly built man of approximately Sixty years of age, he had only one eye and one of his fingers were missing.

I wasn't worried, I had been in his bus before and thought him to be a safe driver, the mistake I made was informing Jenny of his disability, as she was already of a nervous disposition.

The thought of a one eyed driver sent shivers down her spine. At first she was reluctant to get on the bus.

'He's a very careful driver,' I stated, quashing her fears. In actual fact, I was telling a white lie, as I didn't really know what his driving was like on a long distance. I had only ever been once with him on a short distance and even then I had fallen asleep before we had gone very far.

Soon the bus was all packed and Jenny did once last check to see that the house was secure. Satisfied, she climbed on board the coach joining our daughter Jenny's two sisters and myself. The driver took a last look around and started up the engine and drove away from the house to take us to what I thought was going to be a fantastic holiday, was I in for a shock!

The journey out of the village was uneventful and soon we all, including Jenny, began to settle down as soon as we thought that the driver was more than capable of handling the coach, even though he only had one eye. As far as we were concerned at the time we were in safe hands.

The sun shone brightly through the coach windows, causing the inside of the coach to become unbearably hot. After removing our outer garments, 'Can we have some windows open?' I called to the driver, 'I feel like a tomato in a greenhouse.'

The driver turned to look at me briefly, then opened the cab windows, causing a blast of fresh air to enter and cool our already sweating bodies. Pulling over briefly, he opened the side windows of the coach as well, then we continued on our journey. He didn't speak a word, reaching for the dashboard, he turned on his cassette player and pounded our eardrums with "country and western music".

'Can you turn it down a little please' I shouted over the sound of the music. 'It sounds like I'm sitting in the front row of the Grand Oprey'.

The driver must have heard me, as he promptly turned down the music so low, you would have needed a hearing aid to know what was being sung!

I began to have grave doubts about this driver, I had a feeling that he didn't want to be driving the coach, he must have wanted to be elsewhere, but had been ordered to take us to Blackpool by his firm.

By now we were almost half an hour into our journey, the wind coming through the open windows, blew refreshingly on my rugged but handsome features. I was thinking about what I was going to do first when I reached this holiday resort that I had for so long awaited. 'Would any of the attractions that were there when I visited as a child, still be around, I wondered. When suddenly! I was brought out of my reverie by a jolt that threw me forward, causing the straps of my harness to dig deeply into my well-muscled physique.

The pain in my shoulders, for a second was unbearable, my mouth opened wide to utter some profanities, when I was thrown roughly backwards with another jolt! The backrest on my wheelchair, dug into me just below the shoulder blades. The sound that left my lips was one of pure agony! After a moment, I looked quickly around to see if everyone else was all right? The looks on their ashen faces told it all, they were petrified and their fingers grasped the seats in front of them tightly, not one of them dared let go!

The driver pulled to the side of the road and turned around to see if everyone was all right! Apparently, he had been driving so close to a car in front of him, that when the driver of the car applied his brakes, the coach was so close up his backside that our driver had to apply his brakes as if in an emergency stop. Then when the car in front turned left, our driver pushed his foot down on the accelerator so hard, and it caused us to be thrown back in our seats, all this happened in seconds! 'Sorry!' said the driver, 'my foot slipped!' He gave a nervous laugh and carried on with the journey.

The beads of sweat that ran down my forehead onto my cheeks, were not caused by the heat, my shoulder were sore, the driver had fastened the harness to hold me in the wheelchair, so tightly, that I hardly had room to manoeuvre.

My relatives assured themselves that I was okay and adjusted my harness so that I could sit properly and all this while the coach was still moving! They sat back in their seats and fastened their seat belts.

I could see that they were not enjoying this journey and regretted getting on the coach. I thought it was time for a rest. 'Driver!' I called out, 'pull over at the next rest stop, we want a cup of tea' I didn't really want one, but I thought the others would be glad to get out and stretch their legs. Which would also give them time to regain their composure and get their confidence back to carry on with the Journey.

A few minutes later, the driver indicated a right turn and pulled into a roadside lay by. Here was parked a caravan, when new, would have been white in colour, but now it was a very dingy dark grey.

In seconds the bus was empty, except for the driver and myself. 'Who was your driving instructor?' I asked him sarcastically. 'Damon Hill?' By now I was annoyed that a journey that was supposed to be a pleasant run taking the scenic route, was turning into a night mare, at this rate we would all be nervous wrecks and would need a holiday to recover from the holiday!

The driver looked at me and smiled.

Was it a smile that he enjoyed putting the fear of god into our almost panic-stricken brains? Or was a genuine smile of remorse for causing us unnecessary suffering?

'Where's the toilets?' Jenny asked as she passed me a hamburger and a cup of tea. 'I can't find them!'

I looked at the driver who had undoubtedly overheard my wife.

'You'll have to go into the bushes,' he stated. 'That's where I'm going!' With this, he jumped out of the cab and walked over to a row of thick bushes that lined the side of the road and quickly disappeared!

'What is this guy?' I thought to myself, 'a pervert? Did he actually think those four ladies where going to pull down their knickers in bushes at the side of a road and especially when he was in there!' No way!

The ladies had decided to wait as we weren't too far away from our destination.

I was now regretting booking this coach, it was evident to everyone that the driver couldn't give two monkeys about his passengers. I watched as the driver reappeared moments later picking his nose! He climbed into the cab and began searching around. Raising his head, 'has anyone seen my sandwiches?' he asked, as he once again bent over to search under the dashboard.

'If he offers me one of his sandwiches,' I informed Jenny. 'I'm going to punch him in the eye!'

By now the rest of the family had gathered around and had heard my remark, they immediately fell about laughing! Tears streamed down their cheeks ruining their make up. Jenny held her sides and almost fell off her seat, laughing so hard.

I sat there watching all the laughter, a smile appeared on my face. 'What are you laughing at?' I asked, now joining in the laughter. 'What's so funny?' It was several moments before my sister in law could explain why they were laughing.

'The drivers sandwiches fell to the floor when he slammed on his brakes,' my sister in law, Emily, informed me. 'When I tried to steady myself, I accidentally put my foot on them and squashed them.' This brought about more laughter and it was several moments before she could carry on with the explanation. 'Anyway, I don't know what was in the sandwiches,' she added. 'I saw this brown stuff coming out of the sides and a peculiar smell oozed from them, so I picked them up when we stopped and put them in the rubbish bin!' She held onto Jenny to steady herself, 'I didn't realise it was his lunch!'

'Has anyone seen my egg and brown sauce sandwiches?' asked the driver. A puzzled look had appeared on his craggy half shaven features.

This brought about more rapturous laughter.

I wasn't sure whether he was puzzled at where his sandwiches were or why everyone was laughing. 'Here have this,' I said and passed him the hamburger. 'I don't feel hungry anymore.'

My remarks to him about taking driving lessons from a racing driver must have taken affect, as the rest of the journey, he drove slow and carefully. 'Look!' I called out, 'there's Blackpool tower!' In the near distance, we could see the magnificent structure of the interwoven steel girders standing proudly against the background of a clear blue sky, this is what we had come to see! Excitement overwhelmed the whole family as we arrived in Blackpool town centre, the shops were ornated with pictures of attractions to wet the tourists appetite of what to expect from the theatres.

Amusement arcades rattled out tunes loud and clear to tempt the unwary holidaymakers to enter them and part with their hard-earned money in the slot machines. Peddlers could be seen on the corners of the streets trying to sell their wares, quite often from a suitcase, ready for a quick getaway in case a policeman should happen to appear and nick them for not having a licence.

Soon we were travelling slowly along the sea front, both sides of the footpaths were filled to the brim with holidaymakers. The ozone air from the sea filled our nostrils with the smell of a multitude of different varieties of seafood that could be bought from the numerous stalls that saturated the south pier. We were minutes from our hotel, we began to sort ourselves out and make ourselves presentable to the hotel staff.

The driver took the coach down a side street, then had to turn around, when he realised he was going in the wrong direction, finally he pulled up outside the Seaside Hotel.

The family alighted from the coach, relieved that we had finally survived the journey without any further mishap.

The ladies headed straight for the toilets.

The driver began unloading the suitcases, cursing at the weight of some of them.

The smiling Hotel Manager came out to greet us.

I was all alone in the coach, waiting for the unloading of our belongings to be completed, so I could get my wheelchair off the coach. After several minutes, I was able to drive my wheelchair onto to tail-lift at the rear of the coach.

Excitement ran through every fibre of my strong virile body, I was like a child again, wanting to get down to the sea front and join in the festivities with the other tourists, but first I had to pay a call of nature. 'Where's the toilet please?' I asked the Hotel Manager with a grin bigger than a Cheshire cat. 'I need to go urgently!'

The Hotel Manager stared at me as though I'd just kicked him where it really hurts, he looked at me and then at the wheelchair. 'I'm sorry sir,' he replied quite calmly. 'Your wheelchair won't fit into our toilets!' Embarrassment now overcame his smiling well shaven features. 'You'll have to use the toilets on the South Pier!'

I stared at him open mouthed, for once I was speechless! We had booked into a Hotel that boasted all over its windows that it had received awards for being able to cater for disabled people! And the manager had the audacity to inform me that the bathrooms were not able to take wheelchairs!

'Where is the nearest toilet for wheelchair users?' Jenny asked the manager of this award-winning Hotel.

Running his fingers uncomfortably on the inside of his shirt collar, 'on the South Pier,' he replied trying his best not to look at my angry red face.

Turning my chair so I was in a position to face him. 'Where exactly is that?' I demanded angrily.

The cool calm collective smiling manager that had met us as we arrived, was now almost a nervous wreck with the knowledge he was facing an intelligent human being and not the vegetated slab of meat he had been expecting. 'About half a mile away,' he managed to gasp out. 'Across two busy main roads!'

'Oh no!' I thought to myself. 'Every time I want to use the toilet, I have to travel half a mile up the road, across two other major roads in all weathers!' To cap it the entire South Pier toilets didn't even belong to the Hotel and they had no agreement with the owners that I could use them. To make matters worse, the toilets weren't open until 10 AM! And closed at 11-30 PM!

Things just couldn't get worse could they? Or could they? Well, I was about to find out!

My daughter, Lesley, took me immediately to the "South Pier". The trek up the road from the Hotel was uneventful until we reached the first major road. At the kerb edge, was a ramp that allowed wheelchairs access to cross the road, this was blocked by a huge articulated truck that was parked on double yellow lines, the sign for no parking! Which meant I now had to reverse off the high kerb side onto the road. Having conquered this first hurdle, I waited at the side of the road for a lull in the flow of traffic that drove up and down the main thoroughfare as though it was the grand prix at Monaco!

Eventually my daughter noticed it was finally safe to cross and we had approximately fifteen seconds to run the gauntlet cross this impending disaster area! Placing my electric chair on "Full Power" I shot across the road faster than a speeding bullet, only to be greeted at the other side of this road of death, by another vehicle blocking the other wheelchair ramp that would have taken me to the safety of the pedestrian pavement! Did I say safety? No sooner had I manoeuvred my chair around this second obstacle and mounted the kerb, when out of nowhere hordes of tourists ascended on me, no one would give way! Try as I might, having my chair on low power, so as not to run into anyone, I had to admit defeat and wait until the majority of these fun seeking, laughing people had passed me by.

I had long haul up another side street in which the pavement was pitted with holes that I had to manoeuvre around so as not to damage the wheels of the chair. Finally we made it to the second major road, now this was better. There were traffic lights and pedestrian crossings, so there was no problem in this particular area until I reached the other side, then I had to travel fifty yards up the pavement to reach the wheelchair ramp in order to allow me to cross the busy tram way. I made it across the bumpy tramlines and parked up on the other side for a moment to regain my composure of the obstacle course I had just endured. The beads of sweat running down my rugged features were not from the sun that beat down on my unprotected head but one of relief that I had survived! A few moments later we set off up the side of the "South Pier" and into the amusement arcade ending up out side a door with the sign for the disabled toilets to find it was locked. Taking out my radar key that usually opens all disabled bathrooms, I tried to insert it into the lock, and it wouldn't fit!

Lesley set off in search of an attendant.

He arrived approximately five minutes later to explain to me the door was locked!

'Wow!' I thought to myself. 'This guy must be really intelligent to notice a locked door in such a short space of time!' Turning my chair, so that I was facing him. By now I was beginning to get annoyed. 'Did you get your degree of intelligence from the University of Oxford?' I asked him sarcastically. 'I know it's bloody locked, why do you think I sent for you!

With his face redder than the setting of the sky at night, which indicates a pleasant warm sunny day, was to follow. 'I'll have to go and get the key,' he murmured apologetically. 'I won't be a moment.'

In fact it was well over ten minutes before he returned, whether it was his way of getting back at me for my sarcastic remark I never found out, but I did notice a wry smile on his face as he approached me.

After unlocking the door for me I thanked him and in my haste to get into the toilet I forgot that my chair was still on "Full Power" which I had to use to climb the steep pier on my way in. My chair shot forward at such a speed in this close confined space in front of me that I crashed into the wall opposite! Lucky for me I was wearing my seat belt and no damage was done to either my chair or the wall I had just hit.

Was that a snigger I heard from the attendant behind me?

Later, as I once again ran the gauntlet of the daunting obstacle course, I arrived back at the Hotel and easily entered the building using the concrete ramp outside the front door. The interior of this Hotel was dingy to say the least. The wall on the right was adorned with certificates and signs boasting the awards they had received at being able to cater for the disabled needs. Turning left into the ground floor rooms that had been allocated to us, I was able to get through the door with no problems at all, and the width of this orifice was more than adequate. After drinking the cup of tea that had been made for me by my sister in law, Emily. I turned to enter the bedroom to change into something more comfortable.

At the moment, outside, the sun was shining brightly, high in the midday pale blue sky. I was in haste to get out there and start having a good time, to take advantage of this rare but delightful day. On my return from the "South Pier" I had immediately noticed the atmosphere was vibrant, radiating fun, excitement, enjoyment. I couldn't wait to get my hand on a toffee apple, some candy floss, that was on offer at the nearby "Pleasure Beach". Heading towards the bedroom door, disaster struck again! It was too narrow! My chair, small though it is would not fit in the doorway! No matter how much I manoeuvred, it was an impossible task. Sitting at the entrance I mulled over what to do? 'Will someone please call the manager.' I asked of no one in particular. ' I think we have a small problem here!'

A short while later there was a tap on the door, (well, the plumber did have a weird sense of humour) someone let the manager into the room.

He came in and was immediately confronted by a wall of not amused family members. 'Is there a problem?' he asked in a squeaky nervous voice. 'How may I be of assistance?'

Still silence!

Looking at each one of us in turn, beads of sweat formed on his brow, removing a handkerchief from his jacket pocket, he mopped his brow nervously.

I placed myself in front of him and stared for a moment, causing him to sweat more profusely. 'This is the sitting room,' I stated. 'That is the bedroom,' indicating through the doorway on my left. 'In the far corner of the room is my bed.'

He moved so he was in a position to see into the room I was referring to.

'That is the doorway,' I went on quite calmly. 'that this wheelchair will not fit through.' Indicating to it by slapping the side of the chair. 'When I booked this hotel, you made a point of letting me know how proud you were of the awards this hotel had received.' By now, my temper was beginning to overtake my usually, calm cool collective being. 'Whom were you expecting? "Skippy"? Do I look like a bloody kangaroo?'

Jenny arrived at my side and placed her hand on my shoulder, a sign that I should calm down a little.

I looked up at her and smiled. Turning back to this now poor wretch of a man who was fidgeting so much, I thought he was going to wet himself. 'Well?' I asked him. 'Do I have to jump from the doorway on to the bed?' A distance of which I doubted even "Carl Lewis" the all round athlete, could have achieved!

The manager looked at me as though he would like to take me outside and jump on me! After a moment he began to regain his composure and went on to explain that the sofa in the sitting room of which I had no difficulty in entering, also turned into a bed! He apologised for not informing us of this when we had arrived.

After much discussion between ourselves, we decided to make the best of it and not let this little mishap spoil our holiday.

We all changed and decided to explore this exciting fun filled paradise that we had come to enjoy. As we entered the main attraction, "Blackpool Pleasure Beach". At first we were extremely jubilant at having decided to come here as we watched Lesley laughing as she enjoyed herself on the variety of rides that were offered there.

She tried the dodgem cars, the carousel, she even tried out some of the more daring rides such as the Play Station. This is an extremely high tower, which is surrounded on all four sides by rows of seats attached to it. This is where people wanting to ride on this awesome looking, terrifying, mind blowing ride are strapped securely in their seats. And then checked by professional handlers to ensure that everyone on the ride is in complete safety, after first informing them to keep there arms loose at their sides as the force of gravity at the speed they were about to travel, could possibly separate their arms from their sockets.

Now they were ready!

The signals were passed to the controller from the "Four" safety inspectors that everyone was ready and that no one had changed their minds and had "chickened" out at the last moment. One moment we were standing there watching Lesley's happy smiling unsuspecting features, the motors whirred into action, the next second she was catapulted three hundred feet high in the air as though she had been strapped to the back of a rocket! We watched open-mouthed as it hurtled towards the heavens! Was it going to stop? Was it going to hurtle off into space taking our daughter up into the far far reaching galaxies that surround this beautiful planet of ours, were we ever to see her again? Had she been destined to disappear completely from our sight? No such luck! No sooner had she been thrown against the forces of gravity, battled against immense pressures, than she was back down on the ground! The ride had lasted less than thirty seconds, not long enough for us to make our getaway from this child who wanted to give each one of us a heart attack with her death defying escapades!

Just when we thought we were going for a cup of tea to calm the nerves that gave every part of our bodies, twitches. Lesley wanted to go on one more ride! She wanted to go on "The Grand National"!

'Oh no!' I screamed. 'Not that please!'

Lesley was adamant! 'Just this one ride!' She pleaded with us. 'I promise not to go on anything else until after tea.' She placed her arm around my shoulder and hugged me, staring sadly into my ghostly white features that hadn't yet recovered from her being hurled towards the heavens of the last gravity defying ride.

Looking at her angelic young, down lip, eye fluttering, but hopeful face. I was putty in her hands, she knew exactly how to get round me. The sigh that whistled through my pale red lips was one of submission. 'All right,' I replied with heavy irony. 'Just one more ride, then it's time for tea.' The clucking of disapproval from the other members of the family was very laudable behind my back.

'You big hearted softy,' declared Jenny. 'That daughter of yours has you wrapped around her little finger.'

Why is it that when a child does something wrong, it's always "Your daughter or Your son". But when the child does something good, it's always, "My daughter or My son". As I sat there for a moment mulling this over, I was brought up sharply by a loud shout!

It was Lesley! She was sat in the seat of a very long train, several people were sat in front of her, some were smiling, and some were laughing eagerly waiting for the ride to start. There were a few that looked as if they were wondering what the heck they were doing, placing their lives in danger. There was Lesley, her smiling cherub face, all excited at the prospect of visiting the other side of the Pleasure Beach on this vehicle that was about to defy the law of gravity.

We watched as the train slowly began to set off, gradually picking up speed as it went along. Soon it was out of sight behind the giant Pepsi Max the train ride only for those who had a death wish. The last thing I remember was Lesley waving frantically for us all to watch her.

It was several minutes later before we saw the train again as it pulled up gradually back where it started from, we had all been waiting with baited breath, hoping that the ride would soon be over and we would have our loving daughter back in our arms once more. We watched anxiously as our daughter climbed ever so precariously from the carriage, she disappeared for a moment behind the ticket office only to reappear a few moments later, why was she walking unsteadily? Why wasn't she smiling? Racing over to her to ensure that she was all right, we noticed that the entire colour was drained from her once rosy red cheeks. 'Are you all right love?' I asked reaching out my hand for her to take a hold of to steady herself. 'How did you like the ride?'

Turning her down lip face towards me and throwing her arms around my shoulders for comfort. 'Oh daddy!,' she murmured holding me so tightly now that she almost cut off my oxygen supply! 'I feel sick!'

With a speed of light and a cloud of dust, I quickly parted our bodies to a safe distance. 'Not over me your not!' I exclaimed now holding her at a safe distance. The rapture of laughter from other members of the family behind my back brought a smile to my once concerned features. 'Didn't you like the ride?' I asked trying my best to hold in the mirth that was about to erupt from my lips.

Lesley, her face now a rosy red of embarrassment on hearing the family laugh at her momentarily dour disposition, 'It's not funny!' she cried as the tears were forming in her small petite eyes. 'Daddy, tell them to stop laughing at me.' With this she hugged me once again for more consolation. 'I never want to go on one of those rides again!'

With one arm around her shoulder, I gently patted her back. My other hand was in my mouth. Biting hard on my knuckles to stop myself from laughing, I did my utmost to soothe her troubled mind.

Finally we were able to go for a cup of tea. As we went along the busy footpath, more than once I accidentally ran into an unsuspecting, carefree holidaymaker who was in such haste trying to get from one amusement to another, that they failed to notice me travelling along, very slowly I might add. And the look of enjoyment on their faces turned to one of horror as agonising pain shot up their legs from where they'd walked into the foot rests of my wheelchair.

"Continued on" (My first visit to a hotel in Blackpool)

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