Time for a Cuppa!

The Magazine

For all the Family

Sweet Old Woman

Jim MacConnell

Yet another... true story...

I am reminded of an old woman, who was a customer of mine. I was called to her home for the first time with instructions to install a new TV aerial... Her name was Mrs Kelly, the widow of the village doctor. When I arrived at the house , I was struck by how tidy the house was. This woman was 80 on a good day ! She was of the old guard, spotlessly clean.. well turned out and quoting from the bible as part of her every day speech. I was on my very best behaviour, not using any bad language at all as it was obvious from the pictures on the walls with little lines of scripture at the bottom reminding us all of the immortality of our lord and just how hot it would really be in hell. Coming from a family who never had heard of radiators or electric blankets , hell to me as a child seemed a fairly homely place .. 24 hours a day fires and never having to pass the hot water bottle to an older brother because he was 'older'. Age seemed to act as rank in our house, which I am happy to carry on now... being the oldest man (notice I did not say person in the house). Now where was I ..Mrs. Kelly.. oh yes...best behaviour .. not a word out of place and listening carefully to the old dear, telling me all about her husband.

Mr. Kelly as I said , had been the village doctor, he had died two years previously but the old woman talked about him as if it had happened the previous week , being a young man who had tasted life's darker side, I knew what this felt like .. at that time my father had been gone for 10 years and I could still hear his voice , if only now in my sleep, a pleasure now 21 years on , I can no longer have.. try as I might I cannot recreate his voice only his face.....even if I close my eyes tight in a dark room... I know for I have tried so very hard... The old doctor had diagnosed his own condition, prescribed his own medicine and talked his wife thro each and every step of his downward slip... even on the day he died .. she told me he had explained to her how it would happen and not to worry as he was not going to experience any pain just slip away... Sound morbid maybe to you? but she speckled the whole story with little snippets of the bible and how this was God's will , all of which obviously gave this woman an acceptance of death that I could not fathom... but envied.

Part of the installation involved a considerable 'run' of cable from the antenna to her TV. As part of the journey, which was a slow process.. stopping every two feet to listen to how good God was or some other religious line...She had a captive audience ! I was going nowhere... and if truth be told I was not only enjoying the conversation of the old dear but I had a great admiration for her faith in her religion... she was obviously well 'read' and 'of stock'... I was still minding my good manors, which according to my mother cost nothing .. handy for if they did we would sure have had to do without.. "Now wouldn't that be an idea ,poor people going around being cheeky because they couldn't afford to buy manners", I would quip,. Only to be met with a sharp slap across the back of my head.. me and my mouth!

On reaching an old washing machine , I assured her that even though I was going to move it I would be careful not to create any mess and I would be extremely careful as not to damage it ..."Go ahead son it is knackered anyway" She said , "Excuse me ?!" ,I replied.. was I hearing things ..did I just hear this sweetness and kind old woman curse! She repeated as if I had gone hard of hearing "GO AHEAD SON.... I HAD A WASHING MACHINE REPAIR MAN HERE LAST WEEK.... HE SAID IT WAS KNACKERED." It was all I could do not to laugh, I was totally convinced she had no idea what she had just said twice! I was not going to be the one to tell her... my embarrassment and me hastily finished and moved on ... huh sweet old women... you gotta watch them ...and washing machine repairmen!

Jim McConnell

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