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Time for a Cuppa!

The Magazine

For all the Family

My lady

Mike Coatesworth

My Lady

I take it as a great privilege that you allow one so humble to write to you.

Now that you are a member of the upper class, hob knobbing with the rich and famous, may I be allowed to congratulate you on your promotion from working class to upper class in such a short space of time?

I take it that Lord Bartholomew should now bow before you, or is it after you? Being a lowly Yorkshire lad, I am not too sure on the etiquette of the snobs; I mean knobs, sorry spelling error. I am not used to writing to someone so distinguished or is it privileged? What term is used when writing to someone in such high quarters?

I hope I used the correct term in calling you "My Lady"? Or should it be "Your Majesty"? I had always known that you were deemed for high places when I saw you on the top of the "Cow and Calf."

No ma'am, I'm not calling you a cow, It's merely a figure of speech. I meant that I always knew that you had royal blood in your veins. No ma'am I'm not saying you are "vain" I spelt it "vein" which runs through your body.

Ma'am, I'm surprised at your audacity too! I never said I wanted you! I stated that you have a lovely body, I mean you look exquisite, ma'am why are you tearing at my clothes?

Unhand me lady! I did not state anything of the kind; I think you need a hearing aid!

No ma'am (Blimey!) I didn't say you have aids!

Sorry my lord, I was merely informing your lady that she has a beautiful interior design and how I felt privileged in her wanting me to get to know her better. No my lord I swear I never touched her, I merely said how she had a lovely exterior and when she tried to rip off my clothes, I informed her that she had an aid problem and she became rather upset.

No my lord she hasn't got aids! Well I don't know her as well as you do my lord, I'm merely guessing that someone so lovely wouldn't... My lord! I am not a carrier of bad news! I've never touched her and I don't know why she is crying, maybe you could answer the same question? No my lord I'm not saying that you have a disease, I'm trying to explain that you should see it from my point of view!

No sir, no my lord I was not trying to get a peek at your good lady's chest, I do not have a good view, no sir I don't want to get a better view, In fact I don't want to see them at all! No sire, I don't think that your wife is ugly, and I think she has a wonderful body, no sire I've never seen it at all! I am guessing that it must be good on someone so genteel, no my lord, "Genteel" not "gentile". You have my word as a gentleman sire that I wouldn't touch your good lady with a barge pole!

Why?

Well I guess I could touch her with a pole, but I don't do that sort of... No sire I don't want your wife, I think you deserve her more than... No sire I think you have a beautiful wife and I would be honoured to take her off your hands while you are... No sire I meant she deserves better... No sire I didn't mean you weren't good enough; you didn't let me finish my sentence.

I was going to say that she deserves better than I, but now I take a closer look, I see that I can maybe do something with this young voluptuous filly. No sire I said where I live, parts of it are hilly.

Hmm, yes I think she would do well down on my estate. No sire I did not say she looked a state. Yes I would like to get my hands on... No sire I mean I don't fancy her at all, as she is not my type. No sire you are not my type either. No sire I don't think you are ugly...

Oh no here we go again!

Mike Coatesworth

If you think my stories are true, then they probably are

If you think my stories are fiction, then just relax and enjoy the tales

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Note: No part of this story can be reproduced in any way without the author's written permission. All rights remain with the author.

My novels can be seen at

http://www.btinternet.com/~mikeco158/onetear1.htm

http://www.btinternet.com/~mikeco158/cuppa1.htm

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