Airline Stewardess

March 7th '98 - AIRLINE STEWARDESS

Being a stewardess is awful - I have to remember the difference between pig sausages and sausages made out of the veg. And I’ve got to remember how to pour fruit juice into glasses without spilling it. What’s worse is that I have to be on my feet - awake - for ninety one hours at a stretch. One time, by the end of my shift, I started to hallucinate, and accidentally called a passenger, Mr Pullon, "Mr Puffin".

March 8th '98 - AIRLINE STEWARDESS

I’m sick of being patronised by the cabin crew. Just because I’m a stewardess, they think it gives them licence to pat me on the head, and call me things like "Little one" and "The Small boy". On my last flight I made a comment about the UN’s deal with Iraq over weapons inspections, and the captain and navigator just chuckled and said something like "very good, well done". Next time I’m going to push them over and pull their trousers down.

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