Camel Farmer

May 21st 2001 - CAMEL FARMER

Hello. I've got a new job working on a camel farm. I hadn't realised this, but camels are actually heavily disfigured cows. Sort of, like, hunchback cows.

We had a bit of trouble yesterday when one of the "camels" escaped, and climbed to the top of Nore Damme Cathedral. I had to go up there and coax the thing down, using a coconut on a piece of elastic.

I wouldn't have minded, but every time I whacked it round the eyebrows with the coconut, it done a blow-off.

May 22nd 2001 - CAMEL FARMER

It's fun on this camel farm, but funds are so tight we've had to start selling advertising space on our camels' humps.

It's been a surprising success. Currently we have two camels with adverts on their humps: one for Camel Brand Slip-on Magnetic Gauntlets, and another for McDonald's new McCamelhair burger: the burger with camel hair.

Unfortunately, one of the camels has had an allergic reaction to the felt-tip pens I use to draw the ads, and she's puffed up like a balloon.

May 23rd 2001 - CAMEL FARMER

I've had a lot of fun working at the camel farm, but we've run out of money and had to sell up. This wouldn't be so bad, but I've become rather attached to the camels.

I'll particularly miss camel Miguel Panzer, whose hilarious dancing has kept me amused on many a cold night. Also, I'll never forget camel Thomas Marple, and the way he used to look in the kitchen window.

However, the camel I'll miss the most is camel Dusty Banger - he always seemed to know the things I liked most.

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