Hedgehog Man

January 28th '98 - HEDGEHOG MAN

I forgot to pay my rent for three years, and now I’ve been evicted. I’ve set up home under a shed with a family of hedgehogs. I don’t know what their names are, because they can’t speak English, but I’ve called the father Raul, the mother Krystal, and the three children Darth, Dolph and Dobbin. It’s not so bad - the people who own the shed put out a bowl of bread and milk for us each morning, and if I get really hungry I’m intending to eat Darth, Dolph or Dobbin.

January 29th '98 - HEDGEHOG MAN

Being a hedgehog isn’t as good as you might think. You see, we keep getting chased by an urban fox which lives around here. It’s not as bad for the real hedgehogs I live with - they can curl up into a ball and stick their spikes out to scare it off. When I curled up into a ball, and arched my back, the fox leapt on me and started to ruin my shirt. I asked the other hedgehogs for help, but they just ran under a pile of leaves. I eventually got the fox off me by running backwards into a wall.

January 30th '98 - HEDGEHOG MAN

I’ve started to realise that the other hedgehogs I live with are having trouble accepting me as one of their own. I decided to remedy the situation by making myself more hedgehog like. Last night I got naked, and glued a couple of broom heads to my back. I then ran around the garden on all fours in an effort to impress the ‘hogs. Unfortunately, the owner of the house saw me and called the police. The police told me that the owner of the house initially thought I was his brother.

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