"Hello love, I'm Captain H.M. 'Howling Mad' Murdock, ker-ayzee member of those great '80s soldiers of fortune: The A-Team! I always read the excellent Digitiser - the games mag on Channel 4 Teletext. Except: I don't. I was lying - do you see?"
"But despite this, I am here to introduce you to Chris Bell's really rather lovely Digitiser tribute site; Super Page 58: here..."
"Seeing as you're here you probably know what Digi is, but in case you stumbled here by mistake, then you should probably go look here: the Digi For Idiots A-Z. Go now, love. For those of you that can't be bothered, this is briefly what it is:
"Digitiser is the really rather lovely daily (yes that's daily, as in updated every day, man) computer and video games mag (not to be confused with the really quite poo Computer and Video Games Magazine) on Channel 4 Teletext page 480. Mmmm, mmmm: Reviews? News? Chips & Teats? Letters from idiots? You can bet your stuffed guts on it, especially letters from idiots - accompanied by amusing put-downs and name-related laugh-o's for those that decide to mess-up. Or have a stupid name. Nubby nubby nubby!"
An A-Z of vital and not-so-vital knowledge for the Digi novice. Fool your friends into believing that you've read Digi from the start with the valuable snippets within! Or you could get drunk, that's good too.
(Formerly The Bluffer's Guide To Digi, until the litigious skanks who publish the Buffers Guide books got all narky with me. )
The place where The Man's diary extracts go when they die (Digi is updated). Limited by the fact that I've only been archiving them regularly since March '99 (although there are some older "entries"), but: it's the best you're gonna get, you unapreciative pigs.
The Rapping Shoe is one groovy guy - see his wonderful raps: here. Introduced by none other than EastEnders' Ian Beale!
Morse & Lewis' Character Assasination
All of the major characters that have ever appeared on Digi (that I can remember), hosted by Inspector Morse, Lewis and Cracker. You get your money's worth here, love.
The vital Puffy Jacket identification guide. Help to make a stand against the puffy jacketed menace. For your own safety you must read this - it is imperative for your survival!
Hear the word of Biffo, (and while they were there) Cheese and Hairs, and amaze your friends with your inanity with these essential Digi qoute-o's.
A collection of bumph uttered by The Man and his daddy. View the lovely comedy material from them both, plus loads of other irrelevant rubbish that you may or may not have seen before. It's great stuff - they could go on the road with Kid Creole. Or Johnny Hates Jazz. And that.
It's Mr T, man. You know you love him, so go see what great stuff he has to say to you. Just make sure that you stay away from his bins, or you're likely to get your "ass" whooped.
Ol' Chipmunk Cheeks, Cheggers "Keith" Chegwin invites you to remove the skin of a slice of pop by violently applying second degree burns. Hence the name "Cheggers Flays Pop". Do you see? It's just stuff, man!
You can also give yourself cheap thrills aplenty (if that's your thing, lech) by viewing Biffo's lovely interview for DC-UK. Ah, go on - he loves you ungrateful little serfs, you know.
Links to some really rather lovely pages that you're probably really interested in, man! Now with all-new links to places you'll never visit!
The resource page for all you fawning sychofants who want to link to this lovely site. Get your banners here, love! Warning: extreme profanity within (lie).
The What Have I Been Doing, Anyway? Bit
For regular visitors whose time is oh so much more important than the rest of us, who need to know right this second what changes there've been. That way they can read it and be done without their precious time being wasted, so that they can go back to the important business of licking quail's eggs smeared with copydex. Or whatever it is they do.
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Last updated 23rd July 2001
Copyright © Chris Bell 1997-2007. All Rights Lovingly Fondled.