Man-erisms

Long-chinned Gubbins

The Daddy jokes continue...

Q: Why was it that the nuclear power station could not achieve fission?
A: Because the power station operator had gone fission (fishin')!
Q: Why did the burglar stop?
A: He had a massive heart attack!
Q: What sort of cars do space dragons drive?
A: Drag-stars!
Q: Why do babies cry?
A: Because wasps might be about!
Q: What do you call a man who likes drinking gin beside Scottish lakes?
A: I-Like Gin-Ness!
Q: What do you call a straight-talking man with prunes on his head?
A: Frank Prune-oh!
Q: What do you call a man who takes Christmas trees wherever he goes?
A: Spruce Bring-keen!
Q: What do you call a man who was awarded a grant to grow peas in his yard, and he did such a good job of it that he became rich?
A: Rich-yard "Pea" Grant!
Q: What do you call a man who used his grant to buy lots of wells?
A: Grant Much-well!
Q: And what about his brother who filled the holes in?
A: Fill Much-well!
Q: How does a chicken do morse code?
A: Cluck-cluck-cluuuuck-cluck!
Q: Why did the strap explode?
A: Because the "bee" "sting".
Q: Why did the accused murderer admit to his crimes, and then forget who he was?
A: He was the absent-minded confessor!
Q: What do you call a woman who lives on a newly-surfaced road near a Scottish lake, gets cross, but uses yoga to calm down?
A: Ness-tar Rant-zen!
Q: What do you call a man who is awarded a government grant to develop a new colour of paint?
A: Hue Grant!
Q: Where do drunk wasps live?
A: Drunkston Hive!
Q: What do you call a French golfer?
A: Golf Paris (Rolf Harris)!
Q: What do you call the king of the fabric wasps?
A: King Cloth-bee (Bing Crosby)!
Q: What do you call an idiot who has one hit record because of some stupid jeans advert, and thinks he's David Bowie?
A: Jaz Mann (out of Babylon Zoo)!
Q: Where do bats live?
A: In Batman's trousers!
Q: What do you call a man who has rabies, and tries to get rid of it by going out in the morning in a pair of clogs, and sucks dew off his lawn, but gets stung by a bee?
A: Rabid (David) Dew-clog-bee (Duchovny)!
Q: Why do wasps and bees have stripes like that?
A: Because they're "bee-lines" (felines)!
Q: What do you call a felt seller who drives her van into a loch?
A: Van-Ness-her (Vanessa) Felt (Feltz)!
Q: What is the fastest land animal?
A: Superdog!
Q: Who is the strongest man in the world?
A: Prince Philip!
Q: Who is the tallest man in the world?
A: The Man In The Moon!
Q: What sort of dance do bees do best?
A: The Hive (Jive)!
Q: Which pop groups do bees like?
A: Paul Bee-Cartney and Wings! They also like Sting and R BEE M.
Q: What do you call a fish with a dog's face, the body of a dog, the legs of a dog, and the sting of a wasp?
A: I dunno - but I'm gettin' outta here!!!!
Q: What do you call a crow with the looks of JFK, the diplomatic skills of George Washington and the experience of Ronald Reagan?
A: Ronald Pres-crow!
Q: What do you call a Wookiee who smokes a pipe?
A: Tobacco (Chewbacca)!
Q: What happened when Jabba The Hutt lost his temper with his favourite headgear?
A: He "stabba" the "hatt"!
Q: What do you call a dark Jedi who gives coalfires marks out of ten?
A: "Hearth Grader" (Darth Vader)!
Q: What do you call a girl who kneels in animal droppings?
A: Dog-mess kneeler (Princess Leia)!
Q: What do you call a spaceman with only one hand?
A: "Hand" Solo!
Q: What do you call a spaceman who only eats ham?
A: "Ham" Solo!
Q: What do you call a Klingon who eats human hair?
A: K'Paq Kh'ruth!
Q: What do you call a Klingon who lives with Frank Bruno?
A: Pa'h Khrun Bruno K'taqh!
Q: What do you call a Klingon with webbed feet?
A: H'run'h Kh'lda P'qah T'hrun!
Q: Why did the dancer rub muscle relaxant into his hair?
A: Because he wanted to achieve a "supple" new look!
Q: Where do elephants live?
A: Trunkton!
Q: What was The Beatles' favourite food?
A: Hamburg-ers!
Q: Why was the patron refused entry to the kissin' club?
A: He had coldsores!
Q: What do you call a man who suffocates people with cornflakes?
A: A menace!
Q: Why is the end nozzle bit of an elephant's trunk pink?
A: A pink guy lives up there!
Q: What do you call a man who owns a sawmill which employs a fox as a doorman?
A: Fox Mill-door!
Q: What do you call a woman whose skull becomes transparent during the day?
A: Day-no Skully.

Again, with the sub-editors! Here's how the last two should have read (thanks, Biffo):-
Q: What do you call an Asian man who owns a sawmill which employs a fox as a doorman?
A: Asian Fox Mill-door!
Q: What do you call an Asian woman whose skull becomes transparent during the day?
A: Asian Day-no Skully.
Q: What does Fox Mulder eat?
A: Fox food!
Q: What do you call a Frenchman who helps people across the road?
A: Jean-Pierre Lollypopman!

The jokes continue, man...

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The Humility Bit:-

Thanks to everyone that's mailed me with their lovely support, and especially to those that have sent in some of the Man's Daddy jokes that you've just read. Look: Jonathan Cundey, Marc Billyack, J. Will and S.C.Virgo - thanks for helping to stuff new material down the slacks of this site. Why, it's so touching it almost makes me want to clasp my sternum!

Do you have any Man stuf? Do you know any of the much-sought-after Man's Daddy Jokes? If you do mail me with it right now, man.

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