Man-erisms

Long-chinned Gubbins

The Daddy jokes continue...

Q: What do you call a German fireman?
A: Fritz Hose-down!
Q: What do you call an Englishman who gets everything wrong?
A: John Smith - The English Idiot!
Q: What do you call a man who watches videos during the day, and bows down at the end of them, but always wets himself when he does so?
A: Day-vid Bow-wee (David Bowie)!
Q: What do you call a man who just knelt down in some dog mess?
A: Knelt-on Pong (Elton John)!
Q: Why do dogs "bark"?
A: Because the tree "leaves"!
Q: What do you call a man who aims at his knee with a knife to remove the hair on the knee, and then uses that hair to make unique works of art?
A: Aim-knee Hairy-Art (Ainsley Harriot)!
Q: What do you call a very dull man who keeps a collection of model cars in his attic?
A: Bore-us Car-Loft (Boris Karloff)!
Q: What do you call a foreign person who, while on holiday with his grandmother, doesn't understand a question about wine, and so chooses to return to his hotel room alone, but must first get the room key from his grandmother?
A: Que? Vin? Key-gran (Kevin Keegan)!
Q: What do footballers drink?
A: Coca-Goaler (Coca-Cola)!
Q: What do you call a man who shows his friends pictures of himself and his wife on holiday at Cheddar Gorge?
A: Gorge Look-us (George Lucas)!
Q: What do you call a young boy who shows his father a flat piece of wood upon which he has drawn a very scary face?
A: Scary-son Board (Harrison Ford)!
Q: What do you call a woman whose voice is of a similar pitch to that of the noise elephants make?
A: El-tone Joan (Elton John)!
Q: What do you call a man who damaged the cartilage in his knee by pulling a nearby muscle?
A: Pull My-cart'-knee (Paul McCartney)!
"This bloke walks into a pub, and he says to the barman: 'Barman, get me three beers!' The barman says to him: 'Three beers, sir? But there's only one of you!'
"So the guy says: 'Yes. One beer for me, and one each for my invisible friends.' So the barman says: 'Invisible friends, sir, but...' Wait a minute. I've got it wrong - this isn't a joke, but a true story about my tragic Uncle Jim."
Q: What do beetles give each other at Christmas?
A: Beetlejuice videos!
Q: What is Godzilla's favourite film?
A: Godzilla Vs Mothra, of course!
Q: What do you call a man who breeds giant wasps?
A: Lord Bee!
Q: What do you call a man who has such bad skin that it gives him vertigo?
A: Wart Dizzy (Walt Disney)!
Q: What do you call a man who puts signs up in a field?
A: Sign-field (Seinfeld)!
Q: What do you call a man who spends eternity peeling oranges?
A: Eon Peel (Ian Beale)!
Q: What do you call a Red Indian girl who is very knowledgeable about things?
A: Indian Anna-Jo Knows (Indiana Jones)!
Q: What do you call a boy whose father is just four years old?
A: Harry-son Four-da' (Harrison Ford)!
Q:What you cal a fat alien vampire hunter?
A: Stabba Their Heart (Jabba The Hutt)!
Q: What do you call an animal who doesn't know whether it's a small fish, or a bit of bacon?
A: A rind-or-sea-horse (a rhinocerous)!
Q: What do you call a city whose residents are cleaning a ton of dirty clothes in an effort to prevent a virulent plague?
A: Washing-ton Disease (Wahington DC)!
Q: What do you call a man who gets very angry if anyone steals his underwear?
A: Knickerless Rage (the actor Nicholas Cage)!
Q: What do you call a British female singer, who threatens to knee someone in the face, and then chooses to let them go free?
A: Brit-knee Spares (Britney Spears)!
Q: What do you call a female singer who has found a strand of something, but doesn't know what?
A: My-Wire-Or Hair-Y (Mariah Carey)!
Q: What do you call a man who has yet to pay his phone bill?
A: My-Call Owing (Michael Owen)!
Q: What do you call a man who doesn't like the night, and starts his day with a bowl of muesli?
A: Day-Man All-Bran (Damon Albarn)!
Q: What do you call a supermodel who is an expert on selling used cars?
A: Car-Price (Caprice)!
Q: What do you call a woman who goes to her favourite seaside town and just looks at people?
A: Margate Watcher (Margaret Thatcher)!
Q: What do you call a man about whom it is unknown whether he intends to consume a pile of hay or not?
A: Will-he-yum Hay-Guy (William Hague)!
Q: What do you call a pantomime about a burger-loving, denim-clad teacher, who has been careless while wiping the blackboard?
A: Big Mac And The Jeans Chalk (Jack And The Beanstalk)!
Q: What do you call a phosphorescent evangelist who keeps his Bibles in his bedside cabinet?
A: Glow-Bright And The Heaven Drawers (Snow White And The Seven Dwarves)!
Q: What do you call a pantomime about gangsta dudes?
A: Boyz In Da Hood (Babes In The Wood).
Q: What do you call a pantomime about a store detective for a leading chain of pharmacists, who manages to guess which felon has fouled his store?
A: Poo-suss In Boots (Puss In Boots)!
Q: What do you call a Welshman who resurfaces jetties and quaysides for a living?
A: Dock-tar Hugh (Doctor Who)!
Q: What do you call a man who sat down for dinner and found his veg, cheese and stock were covered in horrible tar?
A: Pea-tar Gray-brie-hell (Peter Gabriel)!
Q: Which member of the Beatles likes lemons?
A: George "lemon" Harrison!
Q: What do you call an unmarried woman, who is employed as a road resurfacer, and has a very clever little boy?
A: Miss-tar Brain-son (Mr Bronson)!
Q: What do you call a man who owns a car which is covered in asphalt, and is the ruler of all poultry?
A: Tar-car Hen-king (Tucker Jenkins)!
Q: What do you call a father who has invented a generator which runs on stationery and beverages?
A: Da' Tea-pen Watts (Dirty Den Watts)!
Q: What do you call a wasp who has invented a device for ships, which incorporates both a warning horn and a tethering device?
A: Bee Anchor-Klaxon (Bianca Jackson)!
Q: What do you call a man who is missing the central joint in his legs, and has an aching desire to be a chicken?
A: Toe-Knee Be-hen (Tony Benn)!
Q: What do you call a woman who likes to visit Sri Lanka once a year and pretends to be a wasp?
A: Ceylon Be-on (Celine Dion)!
Q: What do you call a TV show about a small rodent who hosts a dinner party at which the main course is little bits of game bird?
A: Vole's Grouse-part Tea (Noel's House Party)!
Q: What do you call a TV show about my groovy pony called Lawrence going hiking with a waterfowl?
A: My Cool Larry Horse's Hiking Ducky (Michael Barrymore's Strike It Lucky)!!!
Q: What do you call a TV show about a teacher who wins a competition but then discovers he owes the competition organiser - a billed bird sent crazy by carbonated drinks - a small fee?
A: Sir-prize Surcharge Fizz Silly Duck (Surprise Surprise With Cilla Black)!
Q: What do you call a TV show about a small covered trolley?
A: Cart-Sheet (Heartbeat)!

The jokes continue, man...

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