Man-erisms

Long-chinned Gubbins

The Daddy jokes continue...

Q: Why do snowmen melt?
A: Because the wind "blue"!
Q: What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a coathanger?
A: The Leap-uss Hang-me-do!
Q: What was the wasp's favourite food?
A: Stingy pie!
Q: What do you call a giant cat with a fork sticking out of its head?
A: Ms Feline Cutler!
Q: Why is the planet Mars so red?
A: Because lots of ginger-haired people live there!
Q: Why do pelicans have such baggy gobs?
A: So they can disguise themselves as butterfly nets!
Q: What do albino cats drink?
A: Ink!
Q: What do you get if you cross a bus driver with a hippy?
A: The Age Of Aquari-BUS!
Q: What did the big clock say to the little clock?
A: Klokkkk!
Q: What did the lemon farmer say to the orange salesman?
A: Cit-russssss!
Q: What do you call a man who delivers papier-mache to nuns?
A: Hanover VII!
Q: Why did the giraffe choke on a hat?
A: He thought it was a nut!
Q: What did the big policeman say to the little policeman?
A: Go west, my son!
Q: What do you call a woman who opens the champagne before her party guests have even arrived?
A: Fizz Early (Liz Hurley)!
Q: What do you call a man who, upon seeing a re-animated skeleton, is so scared that he vomits on his rug?
A: Mat-hue Skelly (Matthew Kelly)!
Q: Where do Rasta bees live?
A: The Wasp Indies!
Q: If I fathered a child with the former guitarist from The Smiths, and when he reached the age of 13 I broke his legs, what would he be called?
A: Marr-teen My-crutch-son (Martine McCutcheon)!
Q: What did the grizzly bear buy at the market?
A: A brake!
Q: What do you call a woman whose home is furnished with nothing but a cup of beverage which has a pair of cowboy horse-spikers in it?
A: Spur-tea Sparse (Sporty Spice)!
Q: What do you call a man who boils his female siblings in a kettle, and then inherits a lot of money?
A: Brew-sis Will-sis (Bruce Willis)!
Q: Why did the dog dig a hole and bury his owner?
A: His owner was Boneo out of U2!
Q: Where do aviators go to have their lunch?
A: A place called The Cloud Club!
Q: How did the elephant cover his tracks?
A: Using a broom and some dust!
Q: What do you call a special time of the year which is used to remove liquid from your favourite niche plants?
A: Cress-Moss Dry (Christmas Day)!
Q: What do you call a special day when the residents of Buckinghamshire attempt to evaporate the contents of their fountain pens?
A: Bucks-Ink Dry (Boxing Day)!
Q: Why does Spider-Man have big white eyes?
A: He mistook a pot of Tippex for Optrex!
Q: Why does Superman wear a big red cape?
A: To distract attention from his stupid pants!
Q: What goes "hut-hut-huuussss"?
A: The Clow-Clow!
Q: What do you call a man who keeps on making a mess when he slices bread, even though his wife tells him not to?
A: Further Crust-mess (Father Christmas)!
Q: What do you call a beast who dips its paw into a barrel of pitch, and then drags them along the beach?
A: Sand-tar Claws (Santa Claus)!
Q: What do you call a man who owns a chain of bakeries, but ends up going bankrupt, after replacing the pastries with a selection of ancient water jugs and tin cans?
A: Gourd-can Wenzels-loss (Good King Wenceslas)!
Q: Why did the partridge fall out of the pear tree?
A: Strong wind make partridge go cuckoo and then fall down!
Q: What do you call a woman who greets her grandmother by bowing and then giving her an expensive watch?
A: Hello-Nana Bow-nan Cartier (Helena Bonham Carter)!
Q: What do you call a man who makes police car siren noises while filling a tin up with mud?
A: Can-Earth Ner-Ner (Kenneth Brannagh)!
Q: What do you call a boxer who opens an exclusive exotic shark meat restaurant in a little side street?
A: More-hammerhead Alley (Mohammed Ali)!
Q: What do you call a footballer who owns an electric undershirt, that must be powered up overnight?
A: Charge Vest (George Best)!
Q: What do you call a footballer who watches videos during the hours of sunlight, while munching on a solid lump of cooked bacon?
A: Day-vid Block-ham (David Beckham)!
Q: What do you call a lady pop star who lets people sit on her?
A: Chair (Cher)! Allegedly.
Q: How do you know when there's an elephant in the fridge?
A: There's dung in your milk!
Q: How do you know if there's an elephant under you bed?
A: His trunk keeps touching you!
Q: How many elephants can you get in the back of a VW Beetle?
A: Not too many, I hope - my angling gear is in there!
Q: What do vampires have for breakfast?
A: Blood-Snax!
Q: How do you know when there's a ghost in your fridge?
A: When it's very cold in there!
Q: How do you get a zombie to jump through a hoop?
A: Offer it a few words of encouragement, or point a gun at it!
Q: Why did the alien driver eat the policeman's hat?
A: He thought it was a meal!
Q: What did the alien do when the policeman accused him of speeding?
A: He pretended to choke on a chrysalis!
Q: Why did the alien shiver when the policeman shouted at him?
A: He was drunk and scared!
Q: What do you call a dark Jedi Knight, who runs around going "Brrm! Brrm!"?
A: Car Vader (Darth Vader)!
Q: What do you call an insect who turns from a caterpillar into a patch of fuzzy foliage?
A: A moss (a moth)!
Q: Where do trees shop?
A: Roots (Boots)!

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The Humility Bit:-

Thanks to everyone that's mailed me with their lovely support, and especially to those that have sent in some of the Man's Daddy jokes that you've just read. Look: Jonathan Cundey, Marc Billyack, J. Will and S.C.Virgo - thanks for helping to stuff new material down the slacks of this site. Why, it's so touching it almost makes me want to clasp my sternum!

Do you have any Man stuf? Do you know any of the much-sought-after Man's Daddy Jokes? If you do mail me with it right now, man.

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Copyright © Chris Bell 1997-2007. All Rights Lovingly Fondled.