Man-erisms

Long-chinned Gubbins

In a bizarre move The Man rented out the prime advertising space on his diary page to the filthy pleb in the street. Whilst it allowed him to feel good about himself by helping out those less fortunate, it also got him out of having to bother writing another entry in what must now be a groaning lung of a diary. Now see what the peasants had to say, mother:

FAT WOMAN, 38, needs ginger-haired man for immediate production of ugly children.

"BAKER", 23, "kneads dough" to make "doughnuts". Must like smell of yeast.

PROTOCOL DROID, 75, looking for astromech droid to remove his restraining bolt.

"HOME BREWER", 23, wants to "drink home-brewed ale". Must like smell of yeast.

DUCK PATROL FAN, 28, seeks lady for tender evenings spent watching Duck Patrol, and romantic afternoons spent walking along riverbanks near to where Duck Patrol was filmed.

BLISTERED ASTRONAUT, 58, requires pretty girl, 18-22.

JAMES BOND LOOK-A-LIKE, 34, wants his Miss Moneypenny to fill this aching, gaping hole in his sad, sorry, fruitless existence.

Without warning The Man became a lexicographer one day in April '99, presenting us with a number of definitions of various obscure words. The reasoning behind the inclusion of the final selection that made it to broadcast is unclear, but they all seem to stink of aspects of The Man's bizarre life. Despite his raking through the 'd's with a festering oar, he seems to have missed out "Donk", so I shall add it here: Donk (noun) derogiatory term used to refer to supporters of Crystal Palace football club that persist in continuing their grating existence. Warning: that may be mildly offensive to you if you are a supporter of Crystal Palace. If it is, then mail me here, and tell me just how offended you are. So that I can laugh at your stupid, scummy-team supporting face.

Cloughy (noun)

That feeling you get when you sit down to see what's on telly tonight, and realise that there's nothing on. You consider going to the video shop, but remember you still owe £3.50 on that copy of Scream 2 which you took back a day late, and eventually end up drinking yourself into a sad and lonely alcoholic stupor.

Clatch (verb)

To drink yourself into an alcoholic stupor because you're depressed over your best friend's new job which puts him on a higher salary than you, and with better perks.

Dindy (verb)

The act of placing male toy action figures in compromising positions with an elder sister's fashion dolls. And then setting fire to them because Satan told you to do it.

Dinndle (noun)

Stunted giant, or ogre.

Dufflette (noun)

Female form of the duffle coat.

D****t (noun)

Slang. Used to describe someone with a uncommonly heavy d**r**, or "d****s**t**u."

Do you have any Man stuf? Do you know any of the much-sought-after Man's Daddy Jokes? If you do mail me with it right now, man.

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