Barton & Russell - Issue 35

(They just will not go away!)
 
Condom image

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Barton & Russell have received their very first fan letter (excluding death threats). Read on.

Colin Hobbs
I'm also impressed by a particularly erudite offering from Barton & Russell. But why should 24 constellations prove to many? Or even 28? If people persist in asking my star sign I tell them it is Pegasus. The best case for inclusion, to put the total up to 14, has to be Orion. I have seen old maps of the Zodiac where Orion is just touching, pushing in, between Taurus and Gemini.

Indeed. Depending upon how big you draw his club his picture quite often crosses the ecliptic. Pegasus is a bit further off , but is much more interesting than some dodgy water walking hunter. Did you know that ancient Greek opinion differed greatly on how Pegasus got into the heavens in the first place. Some people even argue that it isn't actually Pegasus up there at all since the horse in the constellation has no wings. Euripides, for example, believed the constellation represents the righteous Hippe (also know as Thetis), who was hoodwinked and molested by naughty Aeolus. Later she fled to the mountains to hide her obvious pregnancy. When her father, Chiron, came looking for her, she prayed that she might assume another shape so as not to be recognised by him. Artemis (Diana) obliged and turned her into a horse. She also placed her in the stars in a position where she would not be seen by her father, who is said to also be in the stars as the Centaur.

The other widely held version is that the constellation is indeed Pegasus: the son of Poseidon (Neptune) and Medusa. That she gave birth to Pegasus as Perseus chopped her head off does him little credit. Which is presumably why Pegasus hooked up instead with the hero Bellerophon. Who, after slaying the Chimera, tried to fly to heaven, and was not far from his destination when he looked down at the earth. Stricken with fear, he fell to his death. The horse however, flew on regardless and was placed amongst the heavens by Zeus. John Barth's excellent Chimera deals with this legend in some detail, albeit with an unusual slant, and is strongly recommended to readers who like their ancient myths light hearted.

Pegasus the constellation is unusual in that one of it's brighter stars is shared with the constellation of Andromeda. Alpha Andromedae, as the star is imaginatively named, represents the head of Andromeda and the rear end of Pegasus. As if being chained up and left out as sea food wasn't bad enough, poor Andromeda has to spend eternity with her head up a horse's bottom.

Together though, Pegasus and Andromeda are two of the easiest constellations to spot as they dominate the October night skies (Assuming, of course, that you are somewhere in the Northern hemisphere). Rising in the South East and heading Westwards through the night, look for the four stars which from the square of Pegasus. (Alpha Andromedae, Scheat, Markab and Algenib). To the naked eye the square is remarkably empty of stars. The four stars of the square are all second magnitude, Alpha Andromedae the brightest. Scheat is a variable red giant, and its red tinge is apparent to the naked eye.

As is typical with most constellations you have to exercise some artistic licence to see the forms recognised by the Greeks. Compare and contrast the following. Fig A is the constellation as you would expect to see it from the UK by looking south at midnight during the first week of October.

Whilst Fig B is taken from a wood cutting which appears in the first edition of Hyginus, Poeticon Astronomincon (1482)

The inversion may be the result of Hyginus depicting the expected view from outside the celestial sphere, whereas looking at the night sky you obviously see the view from inside.

Colin Hobbs (continues)
Fortune telling would be greatly improved if the performance of star signs could be rewarded. Poorly performing signs should be relegated for a season or so and up and coming star signs promoted thus brightening the lives of all of us. No more gloomy horoscopes.

OK. We'll assume two leagues of twelve star signs. The existing Zodiac will make up the initial premiership and the next twelve closest to the ecliptic the ‘first division' or ‘beezer homes zodiac' if you prefer. Each issue we will demote the two worst performing signs and give promotion to two best performers from the first division. By my reckoning (and giving the traditional Zodiac the benefit of the doubt) we have the following struggling for recognition. Cetus, Corvus, Ophiuchus, Scutum, Auriga, Crater, Orion, Serpens(Cauda), Pegasus, Sextans, Canis Minor, and Hydra. Giving a full Zodiac of:

  • Capricornus (19th Jan - 15th Feb)
  • Aquarius (16th Feb - 22nd Feb)
  • Pegasus (23rd Feb - 14th Mar)
  • Pisces (15th Mar - 26th Mar)
  • Cetus (27th Mar - 18th Apr)
  • Aries (19th Apr - 13th May)
  • Perseus (14th May - 20th May)
  • Taurus (21st May - 30th May)
  • Auriga (31st May - 2nd Jun)
  • Orion (3rd Jun - 19th Jun)
  • Gemini (20th Jun - 16th Jul)
  • Canis Minor (17th Jul - 21st)
  • Cancer (22nd Jul - 1st Aug)
  • Hydra (2nd Aug - 18th Aug)
  • Leo (19th Aug - 13th Sep)
  • Crater (14th Sep - 15th Sep)
  • Corvus (16th Sep - 2nd Oct)
  • Virgo (3rd Oct - 30th Oct)
  • Libra (31st Oct - 22nd Nov)
  • Scorpius (23rd Nov - 29th Nov)
  • Ophiuchus (30th Nov - 11th Dec)
  • Serpens (12th Dec - 20th Dec)
  • Scutum (21st Dec - 24th Dec)
  • Sagittarius (25th Dec - 18th Jan)



Astrology is an inexact science
i.e. It isn't exactly a science,
even if some morons believe it is.