Newcastle

Card Sense

Phantasy Bridge

Worst Bridge Hand

Definitions

Bridge players never die

This little oddity was discovered in Mr. Bridge's free magazine:
If you lose your place when dealing the cards, continue by starting with yourself and deal the remaining cards anti-clockwise. Everyone ends up with 13 cards. 
If you wish everyone to have the same cards they would have been dealt if you hadn't been distracted, then deal as above but from the bottom of the deck.

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In how many ways can you score 710 in duplicate Bridge?

1NTxx (V)

1NTxx + 1 (NV)

2Cxx + 1 (NV); 2Dxx + 1 (NV)

2Cxx (V); 2Dxx (V)

3Sxx (NV); 3Hxx (NV)

4Cx + 2 (V); 4Dx + 2 (V)

4Cx (V); 4Dx (V)

4S + 3 (V); 4H + 3

4NTx + 1 (NV)

5S + 2 (V); 5H + 2 (V)

Answer is 17

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In how many ways can you score 1470 in duplicate Bridge?

1Sxx + 2 (V);         1Hxx + 2 (V)

1Sxx + 5 (NV);      1Hxx + 5 (NV)

2Sxx + 4 (V);         2Hxx + 4 (V)

3Dx + 4 (V);          3Cx + 4 (V)

4NTxx + 3 (NV)

4NTxx + 1 (V)

6NT + 1

Answer is 11

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Maximum number of bids in a legal auction is 319.

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H and AP are playing multiple teams and an opponent opens 1C and follows with a loud sneeze.

"Bless you," says his partner.

"Director!" yells H.

H repeats the auction so far, including sneeze and response, and demands that the opponents reveal any agreements they may have.

The T.D., straight faced, asks opener the meaning of ‘bless you’ in this sequence.

"Void or singleton club" is the prompt reply.

Turning to H, the T.D. says, "It’s O.K. this convention is fully authorised by the Laws and Ethics Committee and requires no alert"

He departs the table chuckling.

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Overheard:

"Our bidding is like a Rolls Royce; fast, smooth, dignified………and expensive!"

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"Since the average person's small supply of politeness must last him all his life, he can't afford to waste it on bridge partners."    - Alfred Sheinwold

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"You work out who has three diamonds and then play for the hand with the doubleton to have the queen."    - Andrew Robson (tongue in cheek)

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1. Who are the one-eyed Jacks?
2. Which monarchs have no moustache?
3. Which Queen looks to the right?
4. Which Jacks look to the right?
5. Which King looks to the right
6. Who is the one-eyed King?
7. Which King has an axe?
8. Which plain cards are not symmetrical?
9. Which monarch has four hands?

Answers
1. Majors
2. Jack of Clubs, King of Hearts, the four Queens!
3. Spade
4. Black
5. Spade
6. Diamond
7. Diamond (others have swords)
8. Sevens (Ace of Spades?)
9. King of Hearts

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We do not stop playing because we grow old.
We grow old because we stop playing.

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What is unusual about these results of a league of 8 teams?
Each match is IMP's converted to VP's on a 20-0 scale.
  

If each team gets a bonus of 30 for winning a match and a further
bonus of 23 for winning all its matches, the above table becomes:

Team 5, who didn't lose a match, rises from 5th to 1st.
Is that justice?
Of course you could just introduce a rule that any team that won all it's
matches is automatically declared the League winner irrespective of VP
total. But where is the fun in that!

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Top

The longer you can defer judgment the more likely it is to be accurate. But the more sides of a question you see, the less likely you are to form any opinion at all. (and I still guess the KJ combination wrong).

The contemplation of truth is the chief occupation of wisdom. (and the truth is: if I get this KJ combination wrong I go down).

The thought of suicide is a great consolation: with the help of it one has got through many a bad night. (I’ve had many a bad night then gone home to contemplate KJ combinations).

Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it is a predicament. (Actually, it is a KJ combination)

A man must swallow a toad each morning if he wishes to be sure of finding nothing stil1 more disgusting before the day is over. (One of H’s pre-empts for example).

Sexual enlightenment is justified insofar as girls cannot learn too soon how children do not come into the world. (Bridge enlightenment is justified insofar as people cannot learn too soon the joy to be derived from guessing KJ combinations).

Anytime things appear to be going better you are sure to have overlooked something (Usually an outstanding trump)

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. (Any contract has hope if I’m defending)

When a man has reached a condition in which he believes that a thing must happen because he does not wish it, and that what he wished to happen cannot be, this is really the state called desperation. (I knew there was a word for it!)

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You should forgive your partner’s occasional lapses in bidding, play and defence…… but not before his hanging.

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If you are feeling good about your Bridge at the moment, don’t worry. You’ll soon get over it.
To study Bridge best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
Life consists of not holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Woody Allen

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The probability of anything happening in Bridge is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

At matchpoints, if you detest the pair you are currently playing and can’t bear to do badly against them, you will score two outright bottoms. The opponent you really really hate will then explain, in the most condescending manner possible, how you could have had two tops.

In a League Match that you are desperate to win and in which you are red hot favourites, you will lose …….. heavily.

If the contract you are in depends on a finesse, it will be wrong. Having gone three down, partner will point out another line of play that will work 100% of the time.

The opponents will congratulate your partner on his perspicacity and flare for the game.

You will inform him, for the seventeenth time that evening, that Bridge is a stupid game and you are giving it up.

Your trump suit is AK863 opposite J954 and the opening lead is the 2 of trumps.

You put in the 9, which is covered by the 10 (which you later discover is a singleton, the lead being from Qxx!). They then defend extremely well to get you one down.

Any other opening lead gives you a trick and the contract and yours is the only minus score.

RHO points out that playing the J at trick one is the winning play and maintains that it is the percentage action too. You try to explain (politely) that if he played with a person instead of a turnip you would make the contract. The play of the J is likely to lose to the singleton Q, thus costing a trick (losing to 10xx offside), which you were otherwise destined not to lose and, if he had something other than a bag of peanuts between his ears he would be able to see this.

He hasn’t and he can’t.

You dare not ask anyone else’s opinion on this matter since to be proven wrong would be unbearable. You spend the rest of your life worrying about it.

Afterword

Having read a short article concerning the merits of playing the J or 9 at trick one, you inform the author that the J is best.

This is not a total disaster because you do enjoy hospital dinners.

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Bridge is not a mathematical game. It is a game of arithmetic. If you understand the underlying theory of the statement:

ONE + ONE = TWO

you have cracked it.

You know that: an opening bid + an opening bid = a game contract.

Even easier is: clubs + diamonds = minors.

Less familiar might be: immediate winners + extra tricks = contract.

Get the idea? Try: long suit in dummy + entry = Merrimack Coup.

My contention is that all bridge theory can be reduced to the form: 1 + 1 = 2, and to prove it, I give you a list of examples that are self-evidently true:

opening bid + overcall = penalty double. 

Pre-emptive bid + partner’s 10 count = trouble. 

2C opening + Yarborough = disappointment. 

1 NT opening + balanced 11 = 2NT minus 1.

Multi 2D + 5-0 in the majors = 6-0 fit. 

1H + splinter = 5H one off.

2NT + my partner’s hand = 2NT minus 1.

2NT + your partners hand = 6NT made.

1 NT rebid + Crowhurst = 2NT minus 2. 

1 NT overcall + red = minus 800.

6S + Lightner double = 6NT tick. 

1NT + Lebensohl = 3C doubled two off.

honour lead + failure to unblock = painful post mortem.

trump suit agreed + grand slam force = ace and king missing.

restricted choice + queen falling = jack takes next trick.

suit contract + trump lead = dead queen.

false card + your ox = misdefence.

1C opening + 3 passes = R.H.O. has 5 clubs.

4H + Me = 5-0 trump break.

two-way finesse + avoidance = the other way would have worked.

Clearly I must have convinced you that bridge is a simple game of basic arithmetic.

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CARD SENSE

Refers to a player’s inherent feeling concerning the play of a card or a sequence of card plays during a deal of bridge.

The high frequency with which this feeling turns out to be correct, despite the absence of any coherent plan, enables an inexperienced player to develop in confidence and skill faster than those without it.

As experience grows the concept of card sense is less viable, good players refer to it in the past sense because they now analyse and plan before playing the cards.

Two people with similar potential as bridge players may develop that potential at different rates because of the presence or absence of this ephemeral facility with the cards.

PHANTASY BRIDGE

1. Five groups (A,B,C,D and E) of players will be produced with the aid of the Current Performance List.

2. Each participant chooses two players from each group who they feel will be successful, in Monday and Thursday Club duplicates, over the nominated period of time.

3. Success is defined as coming in the top three positions of the N/S or E/W ranking lists.

4. Points are awarded for success on the following scale:

5. The participant with the greatest number of points at the end of the nominated period will be the winner.

6. The winner and runner-up will receive a monetary prize, the size of which is dependent on the number of entries. If sufficient entries are received a third prize will be paid. The Club will take the money remaining.

7. Rules Governing Your Selection

1. If two of your selections qualify for position points, but they are playing as a pair, you will receive the points for one selection only (the one that scores the most).

2. If you have a selection in the first three positions in a field (i.e. N/S or E/W) a bonus of 5 points is given. If in both fields a bonus of 10 points is given.

3. If a position is tied, the number of points given is the average of the tied positions.

4. If the third position is tied, the points award is divided by the number of ties.

 

Notes:

Current Performance List; this is a list of all the players, on Mondays and Thursdays in our case, who have won local points in the duplicates played on those evenings. The points are divided by ten to eliminate the frequent zeros and an overall ranking list produced. The anomalies, the obviously very good players who only play irregularly, are placed in the appropriate category manually.

Originally the list was formulated for a Ladder competition and then extended. It also forms the basis of a handicapping system.

The cost of entry is £1 and the competition ran for an 8 week period.