Authentic Counselling Training

Personal Development

[Under construction: 23 August 2004]

These documents have taken me years of my own, unpaid time to perfect. Please feel free to make use of them for solely personal purposes. Should you wish to use them for teaching, training, commercial or other purposes, you are required to ask me first.

Self Understanding

Why self understanding

I have several reasons for wanting to understand myself. First, I am curious about who I am. "Who am I?" is one of those deeply philosophical, existential questions. I find it satisfying to address the question and to offer myself some responses.

Second, when I use counselling skills, I enter the frame of reference of another person with the intention of understanding, not trying to change, their frame of reference. I try to avoid contaminating their frame of reference, muddling up my own material with that of my client. In order for me to distinguish myself from my client (and therefore to respect the uniqueness of my client), I need to know myself. The better I know myself, the easier it will be for me to:

distinguish myself from my client, and my own material from that of the client;
abandon my own frame of reference in order to enter that of my client, for the greater will be my confidence in being able subsequently to recover my own frame of reference.

Regardless of counselling model, the counselling endeavour involves clients in undergoing a process of understanding themselves better, and being better equipped to cope with and develop their lives resourcefully. Third, therefore, my commitment as a counsellor to my own self understanding and personal development allows me to communicate with greater integrity the importance of this process (and thus avoid the hypocrisy of encouraging clients to engage in a process in which I take little interest for myself). The more fluent I am with who I am, the better equipped I am to develop myself.

Personal audit

At any stage of personal development, and especially at an early stage, a thoroughgoing personal audit can be useful. A personal audit can help me to get to know myself more fully and more fluently. Below is an extensive (although far from exhaustive) list of headings prompting me to think about myself in detailed (and sometimes challenging) ways.

As a visitor to this web site, you are welcome to read though and to print out these pages. In order to help your own reflection, you may wish to respond to these prompts on paper. There is value in responding to these prompts privately, rather than publicly, at least initially, for then your responses can be as full and honest as you are to yourself. In due course, I shall offer structured exercises that address some of these prompts. For other prompts I shall provide some of my own responses, with the intention of stimulating rather than constraining.

Self understanding involves knowing:

who I am in a broad sense, particularly who I perceive myself to be in relation to other people
who I am perceived to be by other people (this requires listening to feedback from other people)
details of my fragmentation and multiplicity
how I come to be who I am (my personal journey; my stepping stones)
the many people I have been in the past
who I have avoided becoming
who I have failed to become
the many people I could yet become
the stories I like to tell myself about myself
the stories I like to tell myself about my cultural (genetic and historical) heritage
the stories I like to tell other people about myself
the stories I do not like to tell myself about myself / the things regarding myself that I prefer not to think about
my traits and characteristics
my skills
my strengths (I can't really take credit for them, for they are just part of who I am, but I can still enjoy them)
my assets (bankable - to be made use of)
my weaknesses (I can't really take the blame for them, for they are just part of who I am)
my crutches
my millstones / menhirs / baggage (clutter I carry around with me, but needn't)
my albatrosses (can't do much about these - they travel through parts of my life with me)
my shortcomings (things about me which fail to capitalise on opportunities, and therefore need strengthening)
my vulnerabilities (things to which I can behave uncreatively / destructively)
my deficits (ways in which I am 'overdrawn' - to be made up as a matter of urgency)
my current goals in life (short-, medium- and long-term)
my past goals in life: achieved and unachieved
my past dreams: realised and unrealised
my current dreams
what I know (only too) well about myself
what I know weakly about myself
what I suspect about myself
what most other people who know me know about me
what most other people who know me do not know about me
what people close to me know about me
what people close to me do not know about me
my growth buds
ways in which I stifle my growth
my needs
my preferences
my likes
my dislikes
my hates
ways in which I do not try hard enough
ways in which I try too hard
ways in which I try to help other people
ways in which I am an asset to other people, and facilitate them what they need to do
ways in which I hinder other people in doing what they need to do
ways in which other people hinder me / get in my way
ways in which other people facilitate me in what I need to do
who has been important to me in my life
who is currently important to me in my life
who has been influential in my life
texts that have been influential in my life
chances I have seized
chances that never came my way
chances I have blown
chances for which I am preparing myself
opportunities I have grasped
opportunities I have declined
opportunities that were snatched away from me
opportunities I am currently building
what powers and incites me
what excites me
what holds me back
what dispirits me
what causes me to despair
what has caused me to despair in the past
what has fulfilled me in the past
what fulfils me

Counselling_sitemap

Peter Hughes: introduction

p.g.h@btinternet.com

These documents have taken me years of my own, unpaid time to perfect. Please feel free to make use of them for solely personal purposes. However, should you wish to use them for teaching, training, commercial or other purposes, you are required to ask me first.