26
A Suitcase containing one article


Stachia Fallari - a portrait-painter, a writer, an illustrator, an authority on vegetable oils and one-time partner of Aad Van Hoyten - discovered the 26th suitcase packed by Tulse Luper on a hotel veandah in Madras. She kindly forwarded it to the VFI with the following note,

Dear VFI Secretary,

I can really think of nothing to add to the article contained within this suitcase except to say that it is taken from the last page of 'Motorcyclist', Sept. 1991. On the reverse is a photo of a bike in the background bearing the number plate NID 92. In the foreground we have a man in leathers with helmet holding a large bird from one wingtip. The wingspan is roughly as wide as he is tall.

Stachia



Perils of Road Testing No. 26

Staffer Lance Holst recently set a record by claiming the largest confirmed road kill ever recorded during 'Motorcyclist' testing. In fact, due to the size of the bird and the circumstances surrounding its demise, Holst was required to submit to interrogation by the FAA, as well as the NTSB, AAA, the National Audubon Society and the Guinness Book of records. We quote the official FAA report.

'During a routine evaluation session at Motorcyclist's desert test complex, staffer Holst was traveling at a necessarily elevated rate of speed whilst quantifying dynamic stability criteria of a test unit. Operating under Visual Riding Rules, Holst sighted an unauthorized buzzard on the road surface ahead, eating an unidentified dead thing (UDT). Apparently distracted by a particularly recalcitrant piece of viscera, said buzzard failed to initiate its take-off roll expeditiously and was still in the early phases of a full-power climb-out when Holst (traveling at approximately 200 ft./sec. or 136 mph) realized a collision was imminent. Holst's helmet contacted the buzzard just aft of the right wing root, resulting in instantaneous and catastrophic failure of the bird's flight-control system. Staffer Holst blacked out momentarily immediately after impact but maintained control of his vehicle. Later examination of his Kiwi helmet revealed substantial damage to its energy- absorbing liner, indicating the severity of the impact.

'Eyewitness accounts of the incident indicate the buzzard was not developing power after the initial collision and traveled in a ballistic arc of substantial height, eventually impacting the ground in a steep nose-down attitude. There was no fire after impact. The bird was not transponder equipped and had not filed a flight plan.





'CAUSE OF ACCIDENT: BUZZARD ERROR.'

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Peter Greenaway		 .........