David uses his spare time 
For dreaming up new styles 
He never spends Whit Monday 
In the bathroom, grouting tiles 

David's early efforts 
Often dwealt on alienation 
He never noted Diesels 
Or hung out on Reading station 

David shaved both eyebrows 
And the net effect was arty 
He never had just one done 
While unconcious at a party 

David in his sixth decade 
Still has a head of hair on 
And not some strands resembling 
A barcode printed thereon 

David orders goodies 
From an oriental teashop 
He doesn't trawl for bargains 
In the pound & 50p shop 

David dabbled earlier on 
With Genet, Brecht and Fassbinder 
He didn't lie on sofas 
Drinking "spesh" and watching minder 

David put on make-up 
And a dress, in search of glamour 
And unlike you, he wasn't chased 
By skinheads with a hammer 

David says "Good evening. 
Here's a song of mine from Low ." 
And never: "Orright, Dog's Head? 
This is one by Status Quo..." 

Another thing with David 
Is he keeps himself in trim 
But the single biggest difference 
Is: your wife still fancies him.