A brief history of grass

1000 million years BC (about lunchtime)

    Grass invented by a bloke called Gavin

1854 AD

    Grass discovered by Christopher Columbus at Newport Pagnell Service station on the M6

1971

    First lawn mover developed by Richard Madely, Richard later became famous as a complete twat on TV

1976

    Blue grass first marketed by Richard Nixon, blue grass blamed for world war 4

1982

    World war 4 ends, the worlds supply of evil blue grass destroyed

1997

    Grass named as plant of choice for lawns for the 67th year running, award presented by Sir Winston Churchill

2001

    A brief history of grass by Phil Bassett was published, it shot straight away to the top of the world bestseller list. Phil proclaimed as the best writer on the subject of grass EVER.

2002 Jan

    Phil becomes tired of his fame and retires to a mountain retreat to further his studies into lawn care.

2002 April

    Phil is killed by an obsessed fan. In a tragic and some what ironic twist it turns out that Phil actually had hay fever and sneezed to death when the fan tried to throw large quantities of Bulgarian mountain grass at him

2002 12 May

   Grass banned by the UN security council for being dangerous to mankind.